I did it! I scored my first two goals ever at the Bernabeu to eliminate Real Madrid put Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey quarterfinals. I really did it! And now I’m sleepy. So very sleepy. But what will I dream about when my waking hours were better than any fantasy I could imagine?…

…Dun-na-na! It’s time for the new adventures of Fernando Gingerbread Rides Again! Dun-na-na! In this episode, Fernando Gingerbread returns to his home in the Licorice Village after years of traversing foreign lands filled with vegetables and sadness just in time to join his old friends in their fight against the powerful White Coat Empire and their perfect, fluoride enriched teeth. “I’m not sure if I’m as strong as you remember me to be,” Fernando Gingerbread told his old friends. “Oh, Fernando Gingerbread, if you believe in yourself you’ll be stronger than you ever were before!” Antoine Macaron told him. And so he did just that, defeating the White Coat Empire and the award-winning Prince Grilled Chicken Breast with two quick and sugary blows and everyone in the Licorice Village rejoiced as Fernando Gingerbread Rides Again! Dun-na-na!…

…I wonder if Gary Neville had to change his pants after each goal or if he just waited until the end of the match…

…I hope Boyhood wins the Academy Award for Best Picture, but I wouldn’t be upset if The Grand Budapest Hotel won, either…

…I wish Bill Murray was my uncle…

…Every day we get further from last Christmas, we get closer to next Christmas…

…Maybe Diego Simeone wasn’t joking when he had me sign over my soul to him in exchange for all the goals I could ever want…