1. “I’m beginning to regret everything that has led to this moment.”

2. “I really hope he stops saying the F-word soon.”

3. “This man makes more money than 99.99% of people on this planet. Humanity has failed. Everything is useless.”

4. “Does he seriously think I’m Mesut Ozil?”

5. “I can’t stop staring at his hair.”

1. “Are you f***ing kidding me, bro?”

2. “I wish James Milner was here.”

3. “Hmm, pointing to where you’ll dive, aren’t you, jelly legs?”

4. “Why is he making the sounds of the animals in each picture on the table? And why does he think a giraffe says ‘meow’?”