Hello old friends,

I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, but since this weekend will mark my return to the Emirates — a place where I have so many wonderful memories — I thought I should say a few things.

I remember how Ashley Cole was treated when he returned with Chelsea and, to be honest, that’s something I would like to avoid. Now, I know our relationship has endured complications. Like that whole “Barca DNA” business and Xavi saying that I was suffering before I moved back to Barcelona. But all of that is in the past now. And it’s a funny story. It turns out that I never did have Barca DNA. I actually don’t have any club-specific DNA at all — just normal handsome person DNA. and I was only suffering because the air conditioner was broken at the condo where I was staying in Ibiza. That’s all it was!

But my time at Barca was still wonderful. I won a league title and the Club World Cup. If Arsenal had done either of those things in my absence, I would have been so happy for you! So I’m sure you were happy for me, too.

Of course, I wanted to return to Arsenal last summer. But Arsene Wenger knew how long I’ve dreamed of winning the Premier League trophy, so he refused to have me back, pushing me to go to Chelsea instead. For that, and everything else he’s done for me, I am eternally grateful. Because now I’m about to win that elusive title with Chelsea and Arsenal are just two points away from another fourth-place finish. So we all have things to look forward to!

Given this, I propose that we make this upcoming match between our two clubs a joyous celebration! A celebration of everything I’ve achieved since leaving Arsenal, as well as anything you might have to celebrate, too. Like being alive or recently finishing a book that you bought in an airport several years ago. Those are good things. Not as good as winning the Premier League, but still pretty good.

In conclusion, I would really appreciate it if you don’t boo or sing mean songs about me. First, because I would be playing for Arsenal again right now if Arsene wasn’t so kind. Second, because people get confused about having Barca DNA all the time ( just ask Alexander Hleb). And third, because it would make be sad.

Thank you and you’re welcome.

See you all on Sunday,

Cesc