Madame Toussads in New York unveiled a new Lionel Messi was figure and, first of all, it looks like Keanu Reeves…

Secondly, perhaps because of that resemblance to Keanu, it looks super, super high. Like, “I just realized that I ate all of the acid in existence and I have no idea what to do about that” high.

“What if Cristiano Ronaldo and I are actually two manifestations of the same life force?”

“What if each one of my Ballon d’Or awards contains a smaller universe, just as complex as this one, with their own Ballon d’Or awards. And then those Ballon d’Or awards have Ballon d’Or awards too.”

“Everything is in motion and Jerome Boateng is still falling and I am so hungry for empanadas right now even though I’m made of wax.”