It has come to my attention that footballers really enjoy spraying cologne on themselves. Usually it’s because it’s their own branded scent, but the act of spritzing it on themselves seems to elevate them to a state of absolute nirvana.
Thankfully, there are images that capture this rare moment of pure elation. The absolute best example is this one from Cristiano Ronaldo’s recent launch of his newest fragrance Legacy…
That right there is a level of self-satisfaction that no other human being has ever achieved. Although, Zlatan does come close here…
@BrooksDT ahem pic.twitter.com/IseLNPmABD
— BYS Hotline (@bringyoursister) March 11, 2016
Then there’s David Beckham staring at himself in the mirror as he applies his Beckhamy musk…
And an ascotted Marco Reus daydreaming about a move to Bayern Munich as he does the more subtle indirect spray…
And, finally, there’s Gerard Pique with a most unusual application method…
Oh, Gerard.
Jesus Christ, did Ronaldo just make a sex mess in his pants? Pretty pathetic.
And, just exactly who are these losers who buy this crap anyway?
Let’s listen in to a random conversation between a man and a woman. He has just shelled out $700,000.00 for a one ounce bottle of Creme de la Ronaldo….
She: Are you wearing Ronaldo’s Legacy?
He: Why yes, I am.
She: I thought I recognized his scent because I had sex with him recently, and because he is so cool, there’s no way you could ever measure up! You should have save your money and taken me to Boyz II Men concert. Take a hike, you loser!