In what can only be seen as an attempt to fuel the production of fan fiction about himself, Sergio Ramos has compared playing in the Champions League final to having sex.

From the Guardian:

“The first time is like when you make love: you always remember it … but then it’s true that you can improve because to start with you’re a disaster,” Ramos joked.

“The first time always has a special taste. I was the protagonist for a great goal,” he said. “But I am optimistic, very ambitious, and I prefer to keep turning the page and adding [trophies] to my CV. Hopefully I will have the chance to lift the trophy.”

Jokes about first sexual experiences usual involve references to quick finishes, but Ramos’ equalizer in the 2014 final came in the 93rd minute, setting up Real Madrid’s extra-time goalkakke.

He better hope this first-time success doesn’t make him overconfident and lead him to score at the wrong end in the rematch against Atletico. Because accident anal is definitely the sexual equivalent to an own goal.