One of my picks for the warm days ahead of us! Tassel loafers are a must have. Check it now https://t.co/Yu7rvgpkQf pic.twitter.com/iXsRjcyANL

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) May 25, 2016

This is one place where you and I disagree, Cristiano. I do not feel it necessary to own tassel loafers. Not even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, tassels are for draperies and graduation caps.

If you like tassels on your loafers, that’s fine. Enjoy. But tassel loafers will never appear on a list of things I feel that I must have (currently on that list: whisky, mittens, and a copy of Goal II: Living the Dream on Blu Ray). So thanks, but no thanks.

P.S. Your outfit in that picture reminds me of this moment from The Office…