The enigmatic Marcelo Bielsa quit as Lazio manager just two days after the club officially announced his arrival. This obviously did not please Lazio, as they are now threatening legal action against the Argentine even though they promptly announced Simone Inzaghi (Pippo’s younger brother) would replace him.

For his part, Bielsa says “After four weeks working together with you, we could not sign any of the seven additions in the work program expressly approved by the President Claudio Lotito.” He adds that the club agreed to sign at least four of those players by July 5, but that didn’t happen, either. “For my style of work we needed to have these players arrive in a timely manner to train,” he concludes.

This, however, was not the offense that sent Bielsa over the edge. The following is a transcript of the conversation that ended his 48-hour reign.

Lotito: Marcelo, we are going to need a bit more time on those signings we promised you. We will have them very soon, though. You have my word.

Bielsa: (grinds teeth)

Lotito: I know, I know. My apologies, but I’m certain this will work out for the best.

Bielsa: Did you get the other thing I asked for?

Lotito: Indeed we have! It’s right over here…

Bielsa: What’s this?

Lotito: It’s a beautiful, custom-made chair just for you! Isn’t it wonderful?

Bielsa: This is not what I asked for.

Lotito: Well, no, but this is much, much better. Look at it!

Bielsa: This is NOT what I asked for!

Lotito: Just sit in it, Marcelo. I’m sure that you’ll love it.

Bielsa: No! When I ask for a cooler to sit on, it means that I want a cooler to sit on! Not a chair, a cooler!

Lotito: But this offers lumbar support-

Bielsa: I don’t care about lumbar support! I WANT A COOLER! TO SIT ON!

Lotito: But this is a chair. It was made for sitting. A cooler is for cooling things. This is for sitting.

Bielsa: I know all about the intended purposes of coolers and chairs. Do not lecture me on how to use coolers and chairs! I will sit on what I want to sit on! If you question that, you question everything about my process!

Lotito: But…why would you want to sit on a cooler when you have a perfectly good chair right here?

Bielsa: THAT’S IT! IF YOU CAN’T EVEN GIVE ME A SIMPLE COOLER TO SIT ON THIS IS NEVER GOING TO WORK! PLAYERS ARE ONE THING, BUT YOU DO NOT COME BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS COOLER! I QUIT! GOOD DAY, SIR!

Lotito: But…this is a chair.