FIFA has narrowed down the candidates for the role of official 2018 World Cup mascot to three: Tiger, Cat, and Wolf. They have each been given distinct personalities and the Russian public is currently voting on which they want to represent the tournament. Here is a bit more info on each of them…

Space Tiger is clearly the best, so we’ll start there. According to FIFA, “Tiger has great speed and stamina and likes to run with the ball – sometimes getting carried away and running the whole length of the field.” This is perhaps the least interesting sentence ever used to describe anything. Space Tiger wears a cosmonaut suit though, and that’s awesome.

Next is Pervert Cat. FIFA says: “As a cat, he has a natural affinity to balls of all kind [steady! — Ed.]. He trained a lot with his brothers, masterminding midfield combinations and successfully anticipating shots when playing in goal. He has always got his eye on the ball!” I’m pretty sure he has a sexual relationship with the ball.

Finally, there’s Cristiano Wolf. Why do I call him Cristiano Wolf? Watch this and tell me they didn’t base him on Cristiano Ronaldo:

The wink, the designer glasses, the selfie at the end — if this gets chosen, Cristiano is definitely going to sue FIFA for stealing his likeness. So that would be something to look forward to. OK, I’m changing my vote from Space Tiger to Cristiano Wolf for this reason.