Jose Mourinho’s perfectly executed plan to reach the Europa League final

by Brooks Peck

It only seemed like Celta Vigo were giving him a heart attack

(Man United/Twitter)

Prior to the second leg of Manchester United’s Europa League semifinal against Celta Vigo, Jose Mourinho called it “the most important match of our history.” As in, the most important match in Manchester United’s history. The same Manchester United that has won more titles than any other club in England.

That said, the match most definitely was important for Mourinho and Man United. They’re sixth in the Premier League and winning the Europa League is the last remaining hope at Champions League qualification they have this season. So with a 1–0 advantage from the first leg against a small club currently sitting 12th in La Liga, surely a tactical master like Jose Mourinho would employ an infallible plan to finish off his inferior opponent. And that he did. Here’s a step by step breakdown of how he did it:

  • Start Wayne Rooney: Having someone for Celta Vigo to pity will make them subconsciously not try as hard.
  • Have Zlatan Ibrahimovic place a threatening phone call to international teammate and Celta Vigo striker John Guidetti: Just give Guidetti something to think about whenever he has a clear chance on goal so he knows there will be Zlatsequences should be score.
  • Rely on Marouane Fellaini for an early goal: He only scored twice all season coming into the match, so obviously he was due.
  • Instruct team to channel the spirit of a group of unathletic children forced to play dodgeball in gym class under threat of being expelled from school: This is what the experts call a “winning mentality.”
  • Concede a goal in the 85th minute: This injection of added terror will instill the frenzied panic necessary to…
  • Have your best defender get sent off for hitting an opponent in the face: Celta Vigo’s goalscorer will also get sent off in the melee and they still need another goal. The red card means Eric Bailly will be banned for the final, but what team needs their best defender in a cup final anyway?
  • Let John Guidetti get the ball right in front of goal in the final seconds of injury time when one goal will end any chance at avoiding total and complete embarrassment this season: That pre-match phone call that put the fear of Zlod into Guidetti will make the difference here.

  • Celebrate like you didn’t just poop yourself: Waving a scarf around will help waft the smell away.

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