AHHHHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS MY EURO 2016 PREVIEW THAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M DOING!!!!!!! I WILL TELL YOU THINGS ABOUT EVERY TEAM IN THE TOURNAMENT SO YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING TO READ BEFORE IT BEGINS OR BETWEEN THE MATCHES OR ANY OTHER TIME WHEN NORMAL PEOPLE ARE HAVING DANCE BATTLES WITH SQUIRRELS!!!!!!!
Luis Suarez missed Uruguay’s Copa America opener due to injury, making him all the more eager to appear in their match against Venezuela — especially after missing Copa America 2015 due to his World Cup bite ban.
The happy little guy picture above is Super Victor — the official mascot of Euro 2016. He got his name through a public vote, beating out Driblou and Goalix. Although those names are both horrible nonsense words, they both hold a distinct advantage over Super Victor from a branding perspective: they are not the names of sex toys.
After decades of trading insults in the media, Pele and Maradona have come together in friendship thanks to the money of a mutual sponsor. The pair made an appearance in Paris ahead of Euro 2016 (a tournament neither of them ever played in) to make their declaration of peace.
Nike Football has released their longest film yet, starring Cristiano Ronaldo in a Freaky Friday type scenario in which he changes bodies with a ball boy.
Our friends at Art of Football have a beautiful new collection called 50 Years of Hurt, chronicling the half century of pain that has been the England national team. One of the many cool things about this collection is that you can customize a shirt with images of five England players going back to the 1960s.
Here are all the options…
Japanese second division club JEF United Ichihara Chiba are celebrating their 25th anniversary with a legends match against Tokyo Verdy and both clubs will wear special kits that should make goal celebrations a little extra enjoyable.
Following up on their hilarious recitation of famous movie lines, the Liverpool players are back, this time to ruin hip-hop forever.
This is it. Definitive proof that Copa America Centenario has been cursed by the football gods for being an orgy of greed and incompetence.
Prior to Colombia’s 2-1 win over a 10-man Paraguay, there was the coin toss. And on the first attempt, something unusual happened: the coin landed on its edge. IT LANDED ON ITS EDGE.
The match officials and captains had a giggle about it, but this was surely the nervous laughter of men frightened to their core by the supernatural occurrence they just witnessed with their own eyes.
This is what happens when you charge $40 for parking, price fans out of being able to fill the stadiums, disrespect national anthems, and have kitmakers who can’t even spell their partner countries names’ right. This is a warning! The tournament will be smited for these egregious offenses! Repent! REPENT!
An uninspiring performance in an expected loss to Colombia to begin Copa America Centenario fueled a familiar rise in angst over the state of the U.S. team and calls for Jurgen Klinsmann to be sacked. Hours before the U.S.’s second group-stage match against Costa Rica, federation president Sunil Gulati legitimized these calls by telling reporters, “We have to win games … no one has ironclad job security. Jurgen’s already said, for coaches and players, it’s about results.”
