When you hate wearing a shirt as much as Cristiano Ronaldo does, you’re bound to get cold sooner or later. So to alleviate that problem, Cristiano now has his own line of blankets. And if the video/sextape intro above is any indication, he’s a fan of them.
There are a variety of colors and designs, but I think this one would look best in your home…
Cristiano Ronaldo visited UFC star Conor McGregor at his Las Vegas gym and the two had one of the most unrelatable conversations you’ll ever hear.
As he prepares for Portugal’s Euro 2016 semifinal, Cristiano Ronaldo has been successfully pestered into commenting on Lionel Messi’s recent international retirement. The following is what he actually said, along with the bits that he didn’t say, but totally wanted to.
“[Messi’s] taken a tough decision and people must understand it.”
“It would also be great if they encouraged him to retire from club football, as well. You know, because playing any sort of football might remind him of playing for Argentina and make him feel bad. And no one wants that.”
“He isn’t used to defeats or disappointments; not even finishing second.”
“Maybe if he finished second with Barcelona a little more often, doing so three times in a row with Argentina wouldn’t have been so devastating for him. Basically, everyone in Argentina should blame Barcelona for this. It’s all their fault.”
“Missing a penalty doesn’t make you a bad player.”
“But if you do it in the shootout of a major tournament final, you should be forced to hand over all your Ballon d’Or awards to the runner-up the years you won. And that happens to be me. I’ll even pay the postage because I feel so bad for him.”
“It’s not nice seeing Messi in tears and I hope he returns to the national side.”
“…just so my boy Higuain can stomp on his dreams a fourth time. Hahahahahahaha this is better than Christmas!”
Cristiano Ronaldo’s self-funded Cristiano Ronaldo museum on his home island of Madeira has moved to a larger site and it did so for a very Cristiano Ronaldo reason.
Prior to the first leg of Real Madrid’s Champions League quarterfinal against Wolfsburg, Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured with a wild-eyed look on his face that was rather alarming. Here are some possible sights that prompted this reaction…
-Rafa Benitez sitting on Real Madrid’s bench.
-A hot tub full of hair gel.
-A future where Real Madrid follow up a win against Barcelona with a 2-0 loss to Wolfsburg in which Marcelo makes himself a laughingstock.
-Karim Benzema telling him he has his sex tape.
-Karim Benzema driving his car.
-Karim Benzema doing pretty much anything.
-The leprechaun from the movie Leprechaun.
-A glass of red wine that was just placed at the very edge of a table above his expensive new carpet.
-His inept twin brother Barry Ronaldo.
-A stack of waffles the size of an above ground pool.
-The advertisements in which he’s promoted strange Japanese products.
-His son wearing a Messi shirt.
Cristiano Ronaldo gives us a glimpse inside his Madrid home and it’s all pretty much exactly what you’d expect from such a thing.
Director: OK, Cristiano, we have to do a holiday advertisement for these terrible headphones so I thought we’d do a unique take on “Jingle Bells” where you perform the song at home while doing everyday things.
Cristiano: Oh, so you want me to sing “Jingle Bells” with my shirt off? OK. We can do that. No problem.
Director: No, actually, we would just have you do things like brush your teeth and make toast and we’d edit it to sound like the song. No singing necessary.
Cristiano: But I would still be shirtless.
Director: Well, not necessarily. It would be you wearing the headphones and banging on the wall or going up and down the stairs.
Cristiano: And I whistle the song while I walk? OK, let’s do it.
Director: No, there’s no whistling either. Just the sounds of these various actions cut together to make the song.
Cristiano: Walking up the stairs doesn’t sound like “Jingle Bells.” Would you put bells inside the stairs or on my feet?
Director: No no no, there would be no actual bells. Just the normal sounds those actions make. Then we’ll edit it to sound like the song “Jingle Bells” later.
Cristiano: Oh, so I’d sing the song in the studio after we film everything. I can sing a Rihanna song instead.
Director: No. There is no singing at any point. It’s just the sounds.
Cristiano: So you’d put bells on my tooth brush?
Director: NO! There will be no bells and no singing and no whistling. Just do what I tell you and it will work out fine. I promise. OK? Can we do this please?
Cristiano: Fine. But in January, I’m going to demand a transfer to another production company.
Director: Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.
Cristiano: Yes. Give me the lyrics and we can start.
Director: (weeps…to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)
At the premiere of a documentary about himself, where he attempted to break the world record for selfies taken in a three-minute span, Cristiano Ronaldo actually said something self-effacing.
In a clip from the new documentary about Cristiano Ronaldo, the subject of the film is seen really getting into a performance of Rihanna’s “Stay” while on a Portuguese national team flight.
Cristiano Ronaldo was awarded his fourth Golden Shoe on Tuesday and he had his family sitting in the front row to witness the occasion. At one point during Cristiano’s acceptance speech, the camera cut to his son, Cristiano Jr., who appeared to give his father the finger before the man sitting next to him could cover his hand.
