Dele Alli opened the scoring in Spurs’ 4–0 win over Watford and he celebrated by carrying out an absurdly intricate handshake with Son Heung-Min, who went on to have a brace of his own.
Some buzzkills might say that investing time in learning such an elaborate handshake is irresponsible, but what else is Alli supposed to do? Work on his shooting? He won last season’s PFA Young Player of the Year award and now has 16 goals in 30 Premier League appearances this season. And he’s still just 20 years old. Clearly, Dele Alli has this football business figured out. So why spend time on something that’s actually a challenge like these handshakes?
Dele Alli (40) has had a hand in as many @premierleague goals before turning 21 as Lampard (15), Gerrard (13) & Beckham (12) combined. pic.twitter.com/VIJJzkrmae
— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) April 8, 2017
Maybe if Leo Messi was better at football he’d have time to come up with fun handshakes, too.
Mario Balotelli notched a brace to beat Lille 2–1 and move Nice into second place in Ligue 1, just one point behind leaders Monaco (who have two games in hand). Balo’s first season in France has been a stark contrast to his last two with Liverpool and Milan, as he now has 15 goals in 24 matches across all competitions and 13 in 19 Ligue 1 appearances—his highest totals since 2013/14.
In fact, Mario is feeling so good that he’s literally sliding through airport security as if that’s something that can be done without getting detained and questioned by several different governmental agencies.
Still just 26 years old, Balotelli’s relatively controversy free resurgence in France should be enough to get him back into the Italian national team after a nearly three-year absence. It might even get him another look from a top club.
Sports sponsorship innovation from the Brazilian fourth division
(Fluminense de Feira/Facebook)
Football clubs are always looking for a new way to make some money, but few sponsorship schemes have been as creative as the one currently being utilized on the back of Brazlian Serie D club Fluminense de Feira’s shirts. The Bahia side has partnered with a local supermarket to turn the players’ shirt numbers into advertisements for deals on products available at the market (completing the synergistic perfection of this relationship is the fact that “feira” means “market” in Portuguese).
So instead of displaying the player’s name, the shirt for №5 promotes a $5.98 deal on shampoo. Who knew football could be entertaining AND informative?!
If this practice catches on with other clubs around the world, watches matches could become the easiest way to do your comparison shopping.
The out of favor defender admits the extent of Mourinho’s torment
(Man United)
Manchester United defender Luke Shaw claims that manager Jose Mourinho has been stealing his lunches everyday for the last several months. Mourinho has not been shy with his public criticism of the 21-year-old, but the full extent of his treatment of Shaw has not been known until now.
“I understand that the boss wants me to do better, and I’m trying—I really am,” Shaw told reporters, his voice quivering. “But how am I supposed to concentrate when I’m always so hungry? Everyday the boss comes up to me at lunchtime, looks at my plate and says ‘Yoink!’ and takes it. He literally says ‘Yoink!’ every time he does it. Then he makes me sit there and watch him eat it. After a few bites he always says I made the wrong choice and then tosses it all out. I’m sure he’s just doing this to try and toughen me up, but it’s hard to be tough when you’re lacking proper nutrition.”
Former Man United physio Matt Radcliffe told ESPN FC that “some people would see [Mourinho’s public comments on Shaw] as bullying of a young player,” and Shaw’s admission will strengthen those claims.
“I started eating bigger breakfasts knowing that I wouldn’t have lunch, but that only slowed me down in training and made things worse,” Shaw continued. “Sometimes the other players would give me some of their food, but if the boss catches them, he threatens to sell them to Sunderland, so they don’t do it anymore.”
“All I want to do is play football and eat my lunch. Is that so much to ask?” Shaw then shouted, breaking down in tears.
When asked for comment, Jose Mourinho said, “Luke is eating his lunch with my mouth. That’s it. I cannot compare the way he eats to the way the other players eat, the way he commits to lunch, his ambition, his focus. He is a long way behind.”
An occurrence that makes perfect sense given the current state of Arsenal
As a fitting addition to the supporter infighting, the 10–2 aggregate loss to Bayern Munich for a seventh consecutive Champions League round of 16 exit, and Arsene Wenger’s general obliviousness, it turns out Arsenal played the second half of their 2–2 draw against Man City without a captain.
Laurent Koscielny, who wore the armband during the first-half in the absence of club captain Per Mertesacker, was substituted at the interval after sustaining an Achilles problem.
Gabriel replaced Koscielny in the heart of Arsenal’s defence but neither he nor any other Arsenal player wore a captain’s armband, thereby breaching Premier League rules on player identification.
This offense carries a fine of £300 for the first infraction (it then keeps doubling from there), which may sound insignificant, but that’s enough to prompt Wenger to personally staple an armband onto each of his players to ensure it never happens again.
The Indy goes on to report that the Premier League “are expected forego a fine on this occasion and merely remind Arsenal of their duties.” Wenger was asked who the captain was for the second half of the match and he said he “could not remember.” Which is what everyone says when asked who Arsenal’s leaders are over the last decade.
Theo Walcott was named Arsenal captain for their match against West Ham, which will likely prompt the Premier League to issue that £300 fine.
A night of love and appreciation between two clubs that will forever be linked
(Fox Sports Brasil/Twitter)
In the wake of the plane crash that killed all but three members of Chapecoense’s team traveling to Colombia for the first leg of the Copa Sudamericana final, their opponents Atletico Nacional, displayed admirable empathy in their handling of the situation. They proposed that Chapecoense be declared champions, which happened, and a bond was formed between the two clubs.
On Tuesday night, four months after the crash, Chapecoense and Atletico Nacional finally got to play each other in Chapeco for the first leg of the Recopa Sudamericana (South American Sup Cup). Chapecoense as Copa Sudamericana champions—gold badge on their shirts and all—and Nacional as Copa Libertadores champions.
Before the match, a number of impassioned speeches were delivered, first from the mayors of the two cities. From the AP:
Inside the packed stadium, the mayors of Chapeco and Medellin embraced each other in what organizers called “a show of gratitude” to the Colombian visitors.
The Chapeco mayor Luciano Buligon, wearing a Nacional jersey and fighting back tears, told the crowd: “Chapecoense and Atletico Nacional will be brothers forever.”
Federico Gutierrez, the mayor of Medellin, was also highly emotional when he spoke. “Chapeco is now my home. Brazil is my home. Fraternity was born out of all this great tragedy,” he said.
The Chape players who survived the crash also spoke. Defender Neto said, “Don’t wait for a plane to crash to say ‘I love you’ and to ask for forgiveness,” said central defender Neto. “Don’t wait for a plane to crash to hug, kiss and show that love always wins in the end.”
Goalkeeper Jakson Follmann, who had to have part of his right leg amputated, said “I want a round of applause to all those that passed. If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t be here.”
Though it would’ve been perfectly understandable if everyone was emotionally spent after all that, they then went on to play a match that Chape won 2–1.
Nike figures out a way to subvert their rivals in Germany
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has a penchant for celebrating goals by wearing masks. He’s done it with Batman and Spider-Man masks in the past, so when he did it again with a nondescript mask when he scored in last weekend’s Revierderby it seemed like it was just more of the same.
Except it wasn’t. It was part of his new “Masked Finisher” campaign with Nike.
A few weeks earlier, Aubameyang played with a Nike swoosh in his hair.
The problem with all this? Dortmund are sponsored by Puma, so to have all this Nike business going on during their matches is a source of discomfort.
At the time, Dortmund sporting director Michael Zorc said, “This will certainly be from his personal sponsor, if my interpretation is correct. This will hopefully be a one-off occasion. We’ll certainly address it in talks with him.”
Well, that didn’t work and the mask thing happened. This time, it was Dortmund CEO Hans-Joachim Watzke who spoke out. From ESPNFC:
“This behaviour is unworthy of a big corporation,” Watzke told Bild. “It can’t be that we have to force through the economic interest of Nike in this way. Our partner is Puma.”
In a statement, Puma said: “We are surprised that a competitor puts a player in such a situation.”
Bild added that Aubameyang — booked for his celebration by referee Felix Zwayer — is set to be fined €50,000 by Dortmund, for whom Nike supplied kit over two spells in the 1990s and 2000s.
Puma shouldn’t be surprised by this, though. Nike did something similar a few years back to Adidas-affiliated Bayern Munich by having Mario Götze wear a shirt with their name emblazoned across it at his unveiling.
It’s a clever ploy from Nike—undermining their German competitors in their own backyard. Hopefully they’re nice enough to pay their athletes’ fines, though.
Evidence mounts against Moyes’ claim that this isn’t the person he is
The last four years have unraveled the once respected reputation of David Moyes. At Man United he became a laughingstock, at Real Sociedad the jokes continued in a second language, and at Sunderland he settled into life as a sadsack. All the while, an undercurrent of pity has softened the unraveling, but that should be evaporating after video has emerged of Moyes attempting to joke about slapping BBC reporter Vicki Sparks when he thought the cameras weren’t rolling after she asked if he felt more pressure having Sunderland’s owner in the stands. This, however, doesn’t mean it definitely will.
By Moyes’ own admission, Sunderland sat on this information for two weeks until it became public, at which point he apologized to Sparks. At a press conference on Monday, he modified the old “not that kind of player” chestnut and claimed “It’s certainly not the person I am and I accept it was a mistake.” This immediately proved to be a dubious statement, though.
Not only did he also blame “the heat of the moment” for his plainly inappropriate comment, but he also threw in a casually demeaning “As I said, I’ve apologized to the girl” when he started to get tired of the questions. And yet, some of the journalists in the room seemed more than sympathetic to his situation.
“You can hear the regret in your voice though, you’re obviously disappointed it happened?” one asked, even though that isn’t even a question.
“One local women’s group is asking for an FA investigation, do you think that’s complete overkill?” led another.
Meanwhile, other newly revealed stories of Moyes’ mistreatment of women reporters in the past complete the rapid dismantling of his claim about this not being the person he is.
Ian Herbert, chief sports writer for The Independent writes:
It was in the 2012/13 season, in Moyes’ Everton days, that a woman had the temerity to ask a question which went against the grain of how he wanted a pre-match press conference to go, during the initial broadcasters’ section of the conversation. Moyes cut her down. There was a very uncomfortable moment, after the cameras and broadcasters had cleared and we got down to the more detailed untelevised discussion, when Moyes tried to break the ice in all-male company with a joke at the now departed woman’s expense. No-one wanted to be impolite but everyone stared at the floor.
That was not the only incident. He lost his temper with another woman journalist towards the end of his Everton time, though it was smoothed over. This correspondent didn’t report any of this, of course — just a reference to the conduct of a “top flight manager” a few seasons later.
ESPN reporter Alison Bender also shared her own experience with Moyes:
This Moyes thing is such a tricky one to comment on. I think we need to take a certain amount in jest/ heat of moment. Unfortunately 1/2
The FA will investigate the matter, but the problem here clearly extends far beyond an inept bungler like David Moyes. If he’s making a habit of treating women in the workplace this way, you can be sure others in football are too. And with a stable of male journalists alternating between politely biting their tongues and volunteering excuses to try on, a hostile environment is fostered and maintained.
Had this video not become public, Moyes would’ve been free to carry on threatening to slap any woman who dares to ask him a valid question. And, sadly, that still might be the case, but now no one can say they didn’t know this was happening.
A textbook escalation in an increasingly bizarre conflict
Following the air battle over The Hawthorns, it was only a matter of time before the Wenger Wars escalated into a ground assault. I just don’t think anyone anticipated it would involve a van.
Prior to Sunday’s 2–2 draw with Man City, a fan bearing anti-Wenger messages was hired to drive around London.
This coincided with protest instructions being handed out to fans. Instructions that advised people to reply to every single thing Arsenal tweet with anti-Wenger hashtags and to tweet at the club’s sponsors. Because annoying Europcar’s social media manager is really going to get Wenger sacked.
This was handed out at the Emirates on Sunday. As if things off the pitch weren't embarrassing enough…? pic.twitter.com/QPTM9KcGqG
— TheFootballRepublic (@TheFootballRep) April 3, 2017
After the match, things got even uglier when Arsenal fans attacked the production of ArsenalFanTV, convinced that the independent YouTube channel has been profiting by fueling animosities between the “Wenger in” and “Wenger out” factions.
Though it may seem like all of this is being orchestrated as part of a new Sacha Baron Cohen film, I’m afraid it’s all too real. It’s only a matter of time until someone ends up in the hospital after going on Facebook Live and threatening to hold their breath until Wenger leaves the club.
Some footballers can be invincible once, but Kolo’s on the verge of doing it twice
Celtic have won their sixth consecutive Scottish Premier League title with eight matches to spare, adding the rare twist of doing so without losing a single match to this point. It’s a tremendous achievement in Brendan Rodgers’ first year with the club, but for defender Kolo Toure, this is familiar territory. Though he is perhaps best known in recent years for his alter-ego, Francois the adulterous car salesman, or his gaffs on the pitch, or admitting that he’s afraid of his own dog, he has now bookended his career by proving his invincibility twice.
This made it all the more fitting when Celtic celebrated their historic feat by honoring Kolo and singing the Kolo/Yaya Toure song as the 36-year-old danced along with them.
Kolo’s first taste of invincibility came back in the 2003/04 season with Arsenal’s famous Invincibles. Just 22 years old at the time, it was his second season with the club. And he earned his place at there after impressing/infuriating/nearly crippling Arsene Wenger during his trial. Because true Invincibles go hard even when they’re told not to.
Happy 36th birthday, Kolo Toure ?
Throwback to the story of his Arsenal trial when he smashed Thierry Henry, Bergkamp & Wenger! ? pic.twitter.com/nF2WTSDZmo
After stints with Man City and Liverpool, Kolo followed Brendan Rodgers to Celtic this season. Though he only made six appearances in the league, his teammates felt his influence in a meaningful way. Fellow defenders Erik Sviatchenko and Dedryck Boyata have both praised Kolo’s impact. Back in January, Boyata said:
“The good thing about Kolo is he is a person with a very good spirit. He doesn’t like to lose. Any player will tell you if Kolo loses in training, it is a very bad day for everybody.”
And with Toure on their side, Celtic have yet to lose in the league. Coincidence? No.
Toure’s invincibility even extends to the international level. In 2015, he won the Africa Cup of Nations with the Ivory Coast, who went undefeated in the group stage before eventually winning the final on penalties. Kolo was named to the team of the tournament.
As his age advances and his playing time dwindles, the end appears to be near for Kolo. But Rodgers has expressed his desire to give Toure a coaching role, which could lead to Kolo one day assembling Invincibles of his own.
Celtic still have some work left to do before their undefeated season is complete, but Kolo Toure has nothing left to prove. So he dances while his teammates sing his name, grateful that he has graced them with his Invincible presence.
