What to listen to when you want to pretend you’re working out like Zlatan Ibrahimovic
(A-Z Sportswear)
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s A-Z Sportswear has shared “Zlatan’s mental muscle playlist” filled with songs handpicked by the man himself. Highlights include LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” (this one’s for you, Tyrone Mings), the theme song from Cops, Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby,” and a remix of the dramatic reading of Sweden’s national anthem that Zlatan did for a car commercial. Because the only thing that can truly pump up Zlatan is a bit of Zlatan.
Atletico Madrid held Bayer Leverkusen to a 0–0 draw, allowing them to advance to the Champions League quarterfinals on an aggregate score of 4–2. Given the scoreless result of the second leg, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Atletico keeper Jan Oblak was the standout performer, but his greatest moment of the match was downright stunning, especially to Bayer.
During the second half, Oblak made three saves in rapid succession—each one more impressive than the last—before Chicharito finally put a fourth shot wide of the net, giving Oblak respite enough to collapse, having released every ounce of his considerable talent.
After the match, Oblak seemed unimpressed with his actions, though. From Reuters:
“Sometimes you make three saves, and sometimes they score a goal with the first attempt. It is difficult to explain. I saw the ball and went for it. I reacted quickly and everything went well for me,” Oblak told reporters.
“Yeah, for you everything goes well…” Claudio Bravo mutters under his breath after reading that.
Pep Guardiola has a distinctive fashion sense. It’s that of a spy performing smooth jazz at a ski resort. He’s fond of the suit and turtleneck combo (Exhibits A through 100). And now Man City have everyone at the club doing it.
For the trip to Monaco ahead of their Champions League round of 16 second-leg match, all the players and staff looked like they were cosplaying as Guardiola as some kind of gag, but this is what they were required to wear.
Which way to the hitman convention? (Man City)
Kevin De Bruyne looking like he’s dressed for a family Christmas card photo (Man City)
Raheem Sterling makes it work (Man City)
A man in his element (Man City)
Next up: All players and staff will be required to shave their heads and maintain stylish beard stubble on match days.
The Portland Timbers beat rivals LA Galaxy 1–0 on Sunday. Galaxy defender Jelle Van Damme was sent off in the first half after getting booked twice in three minutes when Diego Chara took a dive, avoiding Van Damme’s outstretched leg. Van Damme was not happy about this, so he tweeted a photo of people diving to express his position on the matter.
What a strange and petty reaction. Not only did the Galaxy have higher attendance than the Timbers last season (with a few thousand more in capacity), but why respond at all? And if you really must, just reply with video of the perfectly executed goal that the Timbers scored before the sending off.
Remember, the Timbers won this match. It should be LA that comes out of this looking salty, but now it’s Portland. Even Twitter beefs don’t make sense in MLS.
Dispelling the myths of an FA Cup quarterfinal match
(Chelsea/Twitter)
Chelsea beat a 10-man Manchester United 1–0 at Stamford Bridge to advance to the FA Cup semifinals at Wembley. Though, for some, this may have been a case of the better and more disciplined team beating a tired and ill-prepared opponent, for many others there were several points of confusion that need to be cleared up.
Jose Mourinho is not a “Judas” to Chelsea—A small group of fans behind the benches decided to curse at Jose Mourinho and call him a “Judas,” apparently upset that he joined Man United after Chelsea sacked him for the second time. He responded by holding up three fingers and pointing to the pitch to remind them that he won three titles at Stamford Bridge.
After the match, he expanded on his hand gestures, saying “They can call me what they want. Until the moment they have a manager that wins four Premier Leagues for them, I’m the number one. When they have somebody that wins four Premier Leagues for them, I become number two. Until then Judas is number one.”
To be clear: Taking the best job available after the club you led to three league titles unceremoniously sacks you not once, but twice, doesn’t make someone a Judas. But all will surely be forgiven when Mourinho returns for his third spell with Chelsea in a few years.
2. Kicking Eden Hazard is not an effective tactical choice—I get why this might have been an attractive idea to Mourinho. With Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Wayne Rooney, and Anthony Martial all unavailable, his own attacking options were limited, and since Hazard was one of the players who completely disappeared last season, getting Mourinho sacked, I can see how kicking the shit out of him serves a vengeful purpose. But it backfired spectacularly. Ander Herrera was booked twice in a span of 15 minutes and was sent off before halftime. Plus it enraged Antonio Conte, and how are the officials supposed to be objective when they’re fearing for their lives?
After the match, Conte said “”We came to play football…but for 25 minutes it was impossible for Eden Hazard to play, because he was kicked. It could be a tactic. I think everyone saw this… Sometimes when you play against a player with a good talent you try to intimidate this player. I think that the referee must protect this type of player.” And when faced with the choice of protecting Hazard or getting eaten like a human meat pie by Antonio Conte, the referee clearly agreed.
3. We don’t have to obsessively mention Paul Pogba’s price tag every time he has a bad match—With the omnipotent exception of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, players often don’t prove their value for a new club in a different league until their second year there, no matter how much they cost. This is something everyone should know at this point. And yet, whenever Pogba has a bad match in his first season back in the Premier League after four in Italy, his transfer fee gets parroted and unfavorably compared as if Man United paid €105 million explicitly for that one match and that one match only.
Remember when Man United signed David De Gea? During his first season with the club, he was mercilessly skewered and written off as one of the worst goalkeepers of all time. Now he’s the only reason Man United didn’t lose this match by more.
Only De Gea could save PS2 games without a memory card
4. N’Golo Kante is not “equivalent to two midfielders,” he’s just one really good N’Golo Kante and he not only deserves the next Ballon d’Or, but all the ones Messi and Ronaldo have already won should be handed over to him out of respect for his undervalued contributions*—He’s also definitely better than Ander Herrera.
*The second half of this statement technically isn’t a fact, but a correct opinion.
5. Marcos Rojo was lucky not to get sent off—Clearly the officials let this slide in an attempt to cover for their anti-Man United agenda. Or something.
Lincoln City became the first non-league club to reach the FA Cup quarterfinals in 103 years and their reward was a visit to Emirates Stadium to play against Arsenal. They kept the dream alive by keeping the score at 0–0 until just before halftime, then they lost 5–0 and did a bit of cleaning.
After such a harsh defeat, you might excuse the Imps for leaving their dressing room a little untidy, but manager Danny Cowley wasn’t going to have that. Inspired by the New Zealand rugby team, the former PE teacher believes that good guests clean up after themselves. And Arsenal weren’t prepared for that.
Lincoln City’s FA Cup adventure is now over, but the dignity with which they go out is admirable, especially in the wake of Sutton United’s Piegate fiasco. That said, it’s probably just a matter of time before we find out that a bookmaker was offering odds on them cleaning the dressing room.
You know when you’re playing FIFA 17 and you accidentally hit the shoot button in some random part of the pitch and immediately think “Well, that was a waste”? That’s what Memphis Depay did to Lyon in real life against Toulouse, but he actually scored with his absurd shot.
After spinning around with the ball near the halfway line, Memphis launched a no-look shot up into the sky and when it came down, it was in the back of the net.
Juventus’ soulless new logo didn’t get the best reception when it was unveiled back in January, but one fan had reason to hate it more than everyone else. You see, about a week before Juventus unveiled the new logo, the shirtless man pictured above got a tattoo of the old crest on his back.
This should’ve been enough to turn him into a Torino supporter on the spot, but he was apparently willing to let Juve tattoo their new logo on his arm. The offer of a free tattoo was extended to two other fans who have the old crest on their bodies, as well.
No one seemed too thrilled with the results.
“Is this it? It’s done? You’re sure?”
That’s a guy who promised himself he’d never turn down a free tattoo, but when he saw what they’d be putting on him, he said, “Do it here, on my upper thigh, where no one will ever see it.”
The Liga MX season has been halted after officials decided to go on strike over concerns for their own safety. The decision stems from two recent incidents in which players acted aggressively toward referees during Copa MX matches, which the Mexican Referees Association condemned through their official Twitter account while expressing support for the mistreated officials.
In one incident, Club America’s Pablo Aguilar headbutted a referee just after full time of a 1–0 loss to Tijuana.
In the other, Toluca’s Enrique Triverio shoved a referee who had just sent off two of his teammates, earning a red card of his own to put Toluca down to eight men before they ended up losing 3–0 to Morelia in a shootout (one of the players sent off was Toluca’s goalkeeper).
Liga MX suspended Aguilar 10 matches and Triverio eight, but this wasn’t enough to satisfy the match officials’ association. It’s unclear how long the officials will remain on strike, but a strong statement is being made with this act. They’re making it clear that they will not be bullied by players or taken for granted by the league. And if they’re still mistreated once they agree to return to the job, they should probably be allowed to carry pepper spray. That will definitely convince players to keep a safe distance.
UPDATE: Aguilar and Triverio’s suspensions have been dramatically extended to one full year each, presumably in an effort to get the referees back to work. This should do the trick.
Barca fans celebrating and PSG players foreshadowing their own demise
The fallout from PSG blowing a four-goal lead over Barcelona in the Champions League round of 16 to lose 6–5 on aggregate has been severe. PSG fans waited at the airport so they could heckle the players upon their return to Paris and vandalized their cars. Meanwhile, a video published 24 hours before Barca beat PSG 6–1 in the second leg at the Camp Nou shows that blowing comfortable leads in the Champions League was very much on the minds of the PSG players going into the game.
Teammates Marco Verratti, Julian Draxler, Blaise Matuidi, and Thomas Meunier were filmed eating pizza and having a chat with the topic of conversation being their upcoming match. Matuidi expressed concern that the first 20 minutes would be toughest (the last 10 proved to be much worse) and that the giant pitch would give Neymar an advantage. After concluding that he still thinks they’ll advance, newcomer Julian Draxler planted the seed of doubt by relaying the story of when his Wolfsburg team squandered a 2–0 first-leg lead over Real Madrid. This prompted the PSG old boys to remember when they dropped a 3–1 lead over Chelsea. Needless to say, this was not the best conversation to have at this time.
The final result did provide a number of excellent clips of Barca fans reacting to the incredible comeback, which the club has neatly compiled into two videos that, again, PSG supporters should not watch. Enjoy. Unless you’re a PSG fan.
