Category: Dirty Tackle

Brazil’s Copa Verde to feature actual green card

An abstract concept becomes a tangible part of the referee’s arsenal

(CBF/Twitter)

In 2016, Italian football introduced the concept of the green card—a positive counterbalance to the punishments of the yellow and red cards meant to recognize acts of fair play. Sadly, green cards were not actually produced, as they were only a “symbolic award” declared after the fact. But now the Brazilian football confederation has announced that physical green cards will be awarded at the 2017 Copa Verde (appropriately enough, Copa Verde translate to “Green Cup”), a regional tournament started in 2014.

FIFA approved the addition last year and 12 (mostly) specific acts have been decided to be worthy of a green card. They are:

  • Inform the official that a mistake harming the opposing team has been made
  • Stop play after touching the ball with a hand without the referee noticing
  • Inform the official that a penalty decision benefiting the opposing team was correct
  • Inform the official that a decision to not to award a penalty to their own team was correct
  • Inform the official that a goal kick should be a corner kick
  • Inform the official that the opposing team should have a throw in
  • Inform the official that a card shown to an opponent was incorrect
  • To stop their own team’s attack upon seeing an injured opponent
  • Prevent a teammate from complaining about a decision from an official
  • A member of the technical staff proactively engages with officials without complaining
  • Referee notices that the coach tells player to play the ball and not waste time
  • Other fair play actions

With the green card now a reality, it’s just a matter of time before my idea for a brown card, shown to players who do things that aren’t technically against the laws of the game but are still shitty things to do, is implemented next.

Incredibly petty footballer unties opponent’s shoe during Copa Libertadores match

Passive-aggressive retribution at its finest


During a Copa Libertadores match between Deportivo Capiata of Paraguay and Atletico Paranaense of Brazil, Julio Irrazabal felt his personal space was being invaded by Carlos Alberto while setting up a free kick. But instead of pushing him away or making a melodramatic appeal to the referee, Irrazabal quietly untied one of Alberto’s shoes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_RnNw1PlGo

When the ref ordered the Paranaense player to move away, he also told him to tie his shoe, surely giving Irrazabal a moment of satisfaction.

This small victory proved to be the only one for Capiata, though, as they lost the match 1–0 and and were eliminated on an aggregate score of 4–3.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

The exact moment Wayne Rooney decided not to go to China, caught on film

Sampling a new culture can be intimidating


After several days of intensified rumors that he could leave Man United for the Chinese Super League as soon as this month, Wayne Rooney has announced that he’s staying put. Rooney took the unusual step of making an official statement through Man United’s website that reads as follows:

“Despite the interest which has been shown from other clubs, for which I’m grateful, I want to end recent speculation and say that I am staying at Manchester United,” declared the Reds’ record goalscorer.

“I hope I will play a full part in helping the team in its fight for success on four fronts.

“It’s an exciting time at the club and I want to remain a part of it.”

So what convinced Rooney to stay? Well, this video of him celebrating the Chinese New Year at famed Manchester restaurant Wings could hold the answer.

Since Wayne doesn’t have a very good poker face, we’re able to pinpoint his exact thoughts throughout the making of this video.

0:16—“I’d have to learn a new calendar?”

1:10—“There’s paper cutting involved?”

2:35—“These questions are just as bad as the ones from the English press.”

4:58—“Did someone slip LSD in my drink?”

5:21—“That lion spat lettuce on me.”

5:30—“I’m never leaving the house again, let alone going to China.”


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Western Sydney Wanderers ban 14 fans for oral sex banner at Sydney derby

Supporters group then doubles down on homophobic depiction of opposing manager

(Njclives/Twitter)

Fourteen members of Western Sydney Wanderers supporters group Red and Black Bloc have been given 18-month stadium bans by the club for having a banner depicting Sydney FC manager Graham Arnold with a penis going in and out of his mouth during the Sydney derby. The banner was likely inspired by one Spartak Moscow fans made involving Zenit’s lion mascot several years ago.

From the Sydney Morning Herald:

Of the 14 supporters banned by the club, Fairfax Media understands several are part of the RBB’s core leadership group. It’s understood FFA is pleased with the Wanderers’ strong response on Wednesday but is unhappy that it’s taken four days for the club to issue such a harsh condemnation of the RBB’s actions. The governing body will not comment on the Wanderers’ banning of their fans until Thursday, once it has ruled on the show-cause notice. Sources suggest the Wanderers will likely still face sanctions, despite taking a hardline approach.

https://twitter.com/wscsm1/status/833306923747381248

Instead of apologizing, the group has dug in their feet over their homophobia and posted a response on their Facebook page, along with designs for a potential merchandise line.

We find it ironic that it takes the FFA barely 24 hours to respond to a banner deemed ‘offensive’, but take over 12 months to even commence an appeals process agreed upon in December 2015.

Clearly football in this country is in the wrong hands.

Football belongs to the people, not a dictatorial body or the likes of so called expert commentators.

The sport doesn’t belong to the FFA, nor does it belong to the likes of Robbie Slater.

Fuck off with your pandering to mainstream media.

But, since this banner has been so popular, we are considering a new line of relevant merchandise, and as everyone has an opinion, let us know yours regarding the merch.

Awesome, would purchase.

I’m offended angry and disgusted

Perhaps 18 months isn’t long enough.


Pep Guardiola’s tactical masterplan for Man City’s 5–3 win over Monaco

A wild match that went how Guardiola always knew it would


Man City squandered a first-half lead, then mounted an emphatic comeback to beat Monaco 5–3 in the first leg of the Champions League round of 16 tie. Needless to say, the match went exactly to plan for Pep Guardiola. At least, more so than most things have for him this season. Here are the full details of the brilliant tacticians pre-match instructions.

  • Instruct Willy Caballero to play like a 45-year-old non-league goalkeeper who just ate a half dozen pies.
  • Have John Stones defend like a deflating beachball, but shoot like Pele in a World Cup final.
  • Let Falcao score two goals just to confuse Man United fans, but also stop his penalty attempt because you’re not running a charity here.
  • Tell Sergio Aguero to try and play like Gabriel Jesus.
  • Hold up Mesut Özil’s defensive work rate as an example for the entire midfield to emulate.
  • Concede three away goals because keeping clean sheets is an antiquated philosophy.
  • Don’t do whatever it was that Barcelona did against PSG.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Sutton reserve goalkeeper Wayne Shaw made the most of not playing against Arsenal

Few players are able to seize the spotlight on their biggest stage, but Wayne Shaw did it


Throughout fifth-division Sutton United’s FA Cup run, the focus has been firmly on one man: 45-year-old, 280-pound backup goalkeeper Wayne Shaw. Through heavy press coverage (pun intended), he’s been made out to be a mascot for the everyman—if a sitcom dad came to life and played for a non-league club that made an improbable FA Cup run. He’s been asked to pose nude and he has his own chili sauce.

But with Arsenal’s surreal visit to 765-seat Gander Green Lane in the fifth round, Shaw knew he had one last chance to make himself a star—even though he wasn’t playing—and he made the most of his chance.

Before the match, he personally vacuumed the away dugout while wearing sandals just as a photographer happened to be milling around to illustrate the class difference between non-league jacks of all trades and their more privileged guests.

https://www.gettyimages.com/license/643158570

At halftime, with Arsenal up 1–0, he popped over to the bar.

And late in the second half, with Arsenal up 2–0 and the hope of a profoundly hilarious upset out of reach, Shaw’s coup-de-grâce came when he ate a pie in the dugout…

…for all the cameras to see.

Now, it was quickly revealed that this was a set-up choreographed by Sutton shirt sponsor Sun Bets, who offered 8/1 odds on Shaw eating a pie “live on air” during the match and even advertised it in the paper.

Still, there remains a strong possibility that Shaw was going to do this anyway and this was like if it was revealed that The Sun paid a bunch of Arsenal fans to hold a “Wenger out” protest. It’s going to happen regardless of the outside influence. The money is just a bonus.

So now the Roly-Poly Goalie will live on—an FA Cup tale for the ages—with a little extra cash in his pocket and a few extra calories in his belly. Job done.

UPDATE: Shaw had to resign “in tears” from Sutton and both the FA and the Gambling Commission are investigating his actions, ending his career, what, a month earlier than he would’ve otherwise (again, he’s 45 years old), but he’s been offered a perfect new job by supermarket chain Morrisons: Pie taster.

From the Independent:

Morrisons’ Chief Pie Buyer Tessa Callaghan said: “We’re always looking for the best talent to taste our pies and make sure they hit the back of the net.

“Wayne’s performance last night sets him apart as one of the country’s most famous pie connoisseurs.

“We were really impressed by his commitment to pie eating, and we understand that a good pie is the best way to warm up for any occasion, even if it is the biggest night of your football career.”

As the saying goes, “When one door closes another opens” and this sounds like a net gain for Shaw already.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Video replay stops David Villa from hitting people in the face to his heart’s content

Technology once again proves its ability to ruin everything

(NYCFC)

MLS is experimenting with the Video Assistant Referee system during the preseason and this has already proven to be detrimental to NYCFC’s David Villa.

During a 3–1 loss to Houston, Villa slapped AJ DeLaGarza in the face in an incident away from the ball. Again, this was during a preseason friendly.

Villa was initially shown a yellow card. The referee then decided to halt the match and take another look at the incident on a pitchside monitor. He then trotted back out and showed Villa a red card.

It took nearly two minutes from the time the ref showed Villa the initial yellow to when he came back and switched it to a red, which isn’t an ideal interruption, but it’s also no more time consuming than a player receiving treatment for an injury—either real or imagined.

That said, this system is a potential scourge on the game. When a player can no longer get away with slapping an opponent in the face during a friendly, why even bother play the game?


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Club America manager sent off for tripping Chivas player during Clasico Nacional

This is what happens when you go against your pre-match superstition


Club America manager Ricardo La Volpe is a firm believing that shaking hands with the opposing manager before a match will bring his team bad luck. “I’m afraid we’ll be cursed if I shake hands,” he said before facing Real Madrid in the Club World Cup back in December. And yet, he shook the hand of Chivas manager (and fellow Argentine) Matias Almeyda before Saturday’s Clasico Nacional.

But it turns out there might be something to this handshake curse business.

Chivas went to beat America 1–0 with a 30th-minute penalty. In the 52nd minute, America were reduced to 10 men when Miguel Samudio was sent off, so La Volpe decided to fill that void himself in the 75th minute by stopping Jesus Sanchez near the touchline.

La Volpe felt that the ball had gone out and a throw in was in order, so he stepped onto the pitch to prevent Sanchez from continuing his attack. And though he did get the ball first, tripping the player wasn’t something the referee approved of, so La Volpe was sent to the stands.

America lost, La Volpe is likely to face further repercussions (both for the result and his actions), and now I totally understand why he doesn’t shake hands before a match.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Everything you need to know about Lincoln City: The first non-league FA Cup quarterfinalists in 103…

Their creepy crest is one of these things

(Lincoln City/Facebook)

Non-league Lincoln City, who play in the fifth tier of English football, beat Premier League side Burnley 1–0 to become the first club outside of the top four division to reach the FA Cup quarterfinals since 1914. Defender Sean Raggett scored an 89th-minute winner to achieve the unlikely feat with their Lincoln’s first and only shot on target in the match. And though Sutton United will have a chance to match them on Monday if they can beat Arsenal, it’s Lincoln City who have gotten there first, so they get the glory of being the subject of this prestigious post.

Here’s what you need to know about The Imps:

  • The what? Yes, their nickname is The Imps and they have arguably the creepiest badge in English football. An imp is a mythical creature and The Lincoln Imp is a local legend that goes beyond football. From the city’s tourism website:

Legend has it that one day the Devil was in a frolicsome mood, and let out all his young demons to play.

After having allegedly stopping at Chesterfield, twisting the spire of St Mary and All Saints Church, a group of imps went to Lincoln and planned to wreak havoc in the city’s stunning Cathedral.

Mischievous activities in Lincoln included knocking over the Dean, smashing the stained glass windows and destroying the lights. To put a stop to any further chaos, an angel appeared from the Bible left on the altar and commanded “Wicked Imp, be turned to stone!”

Some imps managed to escape but one imp remained, hurling insults and stones at the angel. The angel responded in kind, turning the imp to stone where it sat and it can still be seen there today! It is said that the angel caught up with one of the escapees at St James’ Church, Grimsby, turning that imp to stone also.


  • Lincoln City last played in the Football League in 2011. They won League Two in 1976 (then called Division 4) and their best ever finish was fifth in Football League Division Two in 1902. They currently lead the National League with two games in hand over second-place Dagenham & Redbridge.
  • Manager Danny Cowley and assistant Nicky Cowley are brothers. They quit jobs as PE teachers to take their full-time positions with The Imps just last summer.
  • Their mascot is Poacher the Imp, named after the folk song “The Poacher of Lincolnshire.” This should’ve been Pippo Inzaghi’s nickname.
  • In 2012, Lincoln goal hero Sean Raggett expressed his dream to one day play against Joey Barton. Hopefully this was a joke and not the saddest life goal ever committed to social media, but, either way, it came true as Barton started for Burnley (and earned a yellow card for his usual assholery).

  • Their fans didn’t let life obligations—like attending a wedding—get in the way of watching club history in the making.

  • Their shirt sponsor is a van leasing company (that also sponsors the league in which they play—the Vanarama National League).

  • Lincoln City beat sixth-tier Altrincham in the first round of the FA Cup and third-tier Oldham Athletic in the second round. They needed a replay to beat second-tier Ipswich Town in the third round and beat another second-tier side in Brighton & Hove Albion in the fourth round.
  • And finally, Lincoln is home to a glory hole that has been pleasing boaters for generations.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

David Luiz continues to terrorize Chelsea TV reporter

Leave the poor guy alone, David!

Diego Costa looking jealous that he didn’t get to the guy first (Chelsea/Twitter)

Back in November, David Luiz wrapped up unsuspecting Chelsea TV presenter Lee Parker from behind as he did a training ground report, causing Parker’s body to release an unnatural groan of pain and surprise.

Well, three months later, Parker let his guard down again and Luiz took full advantage, this time hauling him down to the ground in his finely tailored suit.

It might be time Parker considers a move to Liverpool TV. The players there have proven this season that they can’t tackle anyone.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/