In the 15th minute of the 2016 Champions League final, Sergio Ramos scored to put Real Madrid up 1–0 over Atletico Madrid. Ramos appeared to be offside when he scored, but referee Mark Clattenburg allowed the goal to stand. In the second half, Atletico’s Antoine Griezmann missed a penalty, but Yannick Carrasco scored in the 79th minute to send the match to extra time, then a shootout, which Real Madrid won 5–3.
This being the second time in three years that Real Madrid beat Atletico in a Champions League final made the result especially difficult to handle Los Rojiblancos supporters. One fan in particular feels someone must pay for this result, though. As in actual money. So he’s suing both UEFA and Clattenburg in Spanish court
The claim made by Rojiblanco supporter José Antonio Campón is for a total of €1,660 euros (€160 for the price of the ticket and €1500 for “moral damage” caused) and, as is written in the official suit document, fingers the blame at UEFA for “not applying all means to safeguard the fulfillments of regulations and choose persons (Clattenburg) who did not fulfill their duty as would be demanded”.
MORAL DAMAGE! That’s a laughable claim, but Campón’s flawed logic only gets more flawed:
“If you go to the cinema and there is no sound, they give you back your money,” he said. “This is the same thing. There is a regulation and it has been breached. It is negligence and in your job, and when you are negligent you pay the consequences. That is why we address the claim to the employer (UEFA) and his employee (Clattenburg) as responsible.”
Comparing an audio malfunction at a movie theater to a controversial goal in a football match is flat out stupid. By this line of thinking, should Griezmann also be sued for not putting a shot on target with his penalty? Should Atletico’s defenders pay out for not containing Sergio Ramos? Should their goalkeeper be punished for not stopping a single spot kick in the shootout?
The reason Campón is targeting UEFA and Clattenburg is to highlight the need for video technology in football, but a frivolous lawsuit seems unlikely to be the instrument of change on that front. If anything, all this is likely to do is give Cristiano Ronaldo the idea to sue his teammates when they don’t pass to him.
A bad idea is proven to be even worse than you might’ve thought
These Blair Witch movies keep getting worse
Many people have had the idea, but few have actually tried it. To go on a inexpensive stadium tour the day before a big match and hide in the bathroom overnight, then emerge before kickoff and laugh at all the rubes who paid over the odds to attend. It’s the kind of thing you half-jokingly discuss over a few beers, but never actually put serious thought into how it would work.
Well, a couple of YouTubers have given it a go—at Old Trafford, no less—and the documentation of their miserable experience should be enough to dissuade anyone else from trying it.
At nearly 20 minutes, their video is tough to watch all the way through, but if you skip around you’ll get a good enough idea of what happened. Basically, they paid to go on an Old Trafford stadium tour the day before Man United-Arsenal and when the time was right, they slipped away from the group and successfully evaded staff before ducking into one of the concourse bathrooms and each taking up residence in a toilet stall.
Now, this where two of their major planning errors became evident.
They chose to carry out this plan in November. It gets cold in November. And this makes sitting on a stadium toilet all night even more of an endurance test (one guy tried stuffing toilet paper into his coat for warmth, but it didn’t help). They should’ve done this in either August/September or April/May.
They didn’t bring enough food. I mean, come on now. If you’re going to sit on a toilet all night, you might as well pack a feast.
Frozen and starved, the two stadium stowaways successfully navigated a couple of hilarious and panicky conversations with stewards through the toilet stall doors the next morning before finally emerging a few hours before kickoff. It seemed they had pulled it off, but after the match began, the authorities caught on (presumably because they didn’t have seats) and the jig was up.
After admitting what they did and complying with a few rounds of interrogations, they missed the game but got away without any serious repercussions. And a terrible experience in the name of Internet notoriety came to an end.
If we learn anything from this caper, it’s that paying 10 times the face of tickets for a big match is so much better than quietly sitting in a frigid stadium bathroom all night and then being laughed at by the police (it would’ve been great to see their faces when they unzipped his coat and all that toilet paper insulation floated to the ground) instead of getting to see the game.
With a club record 61,004 packed into Olympic Stadium to see the Montreal Impact host Toronto FC in the maple leaf derby/MLS Cup semifinals, the match had to be delayed. Because the dumdums who drew the lines on the pitch made the penalty box too narrow. Seriously. This is a thing that happened at a professional match attended by more than 60,000 people.
Once that got sorted, Montreal went on to win the first leg of the tie 3–2, but Seattle, host of the other semifinal against Colorado, weren’t about to let that one slide.
And to put Montreal’s win into a loss sandwich, Didier Drogba announced that he’s leaving the Impact at the end of the season immediately after the match.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise given that he tried to slip out of his contract to return to Chelsea back in January and then refused to play last month. That said, Montreal have gotten better results without Drogba than with him, so maybe this is his attempt to ensure they go on to win the MLS Cup. Never question Didier Drogba. The man ended a civil war. He can do what he wants.
They’re Leicester City and they’ll win where they want
(Leicester City)
Leicester City shocked the world by winning the Premier League last season. So what did you think they would do this season? Win it again? That would be stupid and boring. And by currently sitting 16th in the Premier League—just two points above the drop zone—Leicester are making it crystal clear that they don’t give a shit about winning it again, either.
No, they’re leaving the piddly little Premier League to small-time clubs like Man United, Chelsea, and Liverpool. What Leicester City care about is the Champions League. And they’ve proven that by winning their group—one that also includes Porto, Copenhagen, and Club Brugge—with a match to spare and one more win (four) in five European matches than they have 12 Premier League matches this season (three).
Since this is Leicester’s first appearance in the Champions League, this is also the first time they’ve reached the tournament’s knockout stage—a feat it took Man City three consecutive tries to accomplish. With the Champions League on lock, Foxes manager Claudio Ranieri now has the difficult task of convincing his players to actually care about the uncultured backwater that is the Premier League so they can try and avoid relegation.
“It is unbelievable, to be top of the group,” said Ranieri. “I am very happy and very proud. I am happy for my players, for my chairman, for the fans — for everybody.
“We have another journey now through the knockout. Unbelievable. It is very important to be top of the group but our minds must now go on the Premier League because I want to push my players to think about the Premier League.
“Now our job is done. We won the group. I don’t know which team we will play but it will be a fantastic team.
“But now we have to go back. In the Premier League we are very close to the relegation and we must play at the same level as the Champions League because when we want to do something we achieve something.
“We must concentrate on the Premier League now.”
“Must” is a strong word. I’d go with “might as well.” As in, “This Champions League business is easy peasy, so we might as well embarrass everyone back home again, too.” What I’m trying to say is that, at this rate, Leicester will win the 2018 World Cup. While playing in League One.
You did it, America. You got me sacked and ruined the best thing that ever happened to your national football team. That’s right. I didn’t say “soccer”—I’m not on your payroll anymore, so I don’t have to use your words. It’s Fußball! Deal with it.
Anyway, your bitter, neophyte media all wrote the same article blaming me for everything from the Mexico and Costa Rica losses to global warming enough times that the USSF fired me before I could fully implement my top secret and totally perfect plan to create the United Soccer States of Jurgen Klinsmann. And now you’ll never know what it’s like to win a World Cup (or a European Championship, for that matter) like me.
While everyone else is busy pointing out what they wrongly interpreted as things I did wrong, I thought I would be generous enough to lay out all the good things I did in terms clear enough for a few of you to maybe understand.
I made you learn about tactics
When Bob Bradley or any of the other glorified high school gym teachers who came before him were in charge, you were just happy when they put more than eight players on the pitch and had them all wearing the same colors. But when I showed up, suddenly anyone who ever changed the default formation on a FIFA video game is Marcelo Bielsa.
The truth is, football tactics are like art. Where one person sees a 4–2–3–1, I might see a majestic steed galloping through a stream. Or a flash of colors and shapes too brilliant to put into words. There are no correct answers with this stuff. Tactics are one of the world’s great mysteries. Like algebra or the Tooth Fairy.
I challenged the MLS power structure that grips U.S. Soccer
While previous managers had their top players striving to test themselves in the best leagues around the world—the ultimate cathedrals of higher learning for our game—I had MLS paying them big money to do the equivalent of moving back into their parents’ basement after their freshman year of college.
MLS is trying to create a mediocre monopoly on the sport in this country that only benefits their owners and I tried to warn you about the dangers that presents for the national team. But you just called me a “Eurosnob” and watched as Don Garber ranted at me like a parent angry at the teacher for giving their perfect little angel who never does homework a C on a test.
Also, it’s very interesting that they waited to fire me just after a report proving me correct about the need for promotion and relegation and a 60 Minutes feature on the women’s team’s fight for equal pay came out. How convenient that in a moment they needed a distraction from two major issues they don’t like, I suddenly have to be fired. Open your eyes, sheeple. Don Garber puts fluoride in the players’ Gatorade bottles.
Oh, and it definitely wasn’t a coincidence that they surrounded the announcement with Landon Donovan ads. This was a vendetta.
(USsoccer.com)
I strengthened a depleted player pool with a wealth of dual nationals
By pure luck, Bruce Arena had probably the best U.S. team ever in 2002 and when I came on, I inherited the last of that group at the tail-end of their careers. Since this country treats player development as a privilege for rich kids in need of extracurricular activities to round out their college applications, I had to get creative to replenish the player pool. So I used the respect everyone outside this unappreciative country has for me to attract a group of dual nationals that Bruce “Players on the national team should be—and this is my own feeling—they should be Americans. If they’re all born in other countries, I don’t think we can say we are making progress.” Arena never would have brought in.
So if you think we were bad even with these players, think how much worse the team would’ve been without them. And if you’re wondering why I couldn’t completely overhaul the country’s youth development system and produce a team of Leo Messis in the two years I was technical director, well I’m sorry I never mastered the ability to bend the space-time continuum. Maybe you should hire Dr. Emmett Brown and his time traveling DeLorean to replace me.
I got results when it mattered most
Not to go all Tim Sherwood on you, but I had the second most wins and second best win percentage of all U.S. national team managers. Sure we lost some games we should have won, but when it mattered most, I got results. And that’s what international management is all about. Total wins and losses don’t matter. Just results in major tournaments.
I won the 2013 Gold Cup (and was named the 2013 CONCACAF Coach of the Year), got out of a very difficult group at the 2014 World Cup (which included eventual winners Germany and Euro 2016 winners Portugal) that none of my small-time predecessors would’ve gotten out of. And I won our group and got us to the semifinals of the Copa America Centenario just five months ago.
So what if we didn’t win the 2015 Gold Cup or reach the Confederations Cup? No one important cares about either of those tournaments. Plus, what do you want me to do—win everything? That would be greedy.
The losses to Mexico and Costa Rica, a.k.a. our two toughest opponents in this round of World Cup qualifying, were unfortunate, but ultimately not as important as people pretended they were. Just because they happened to be the first two matches of the (long and forgiving) qualifying round, the media had an opportunity to spin this as the U.S. being at risk of missing out on a World Cup and salvage a bit of traffic from the international break. Good luck getting my successor fired during the next slow news week, too.
I demanded more
Ultimately, this was my only sin. I believed the U.S. could achieve great things in this sport. I believed you would have the patience and maturity to let me lead you on an incredible journey. I believed the sport should be held to a higher standard in this country. And I thought you were starting to see that. But, in the end, the only person you wanted to hold to a higher standard in all of U.S. Fußball was me. How tragic. For you, but also for me. But mostly for you.
Maybe one day the U.S. will win a World Cup, see the shameful error of your shortsightedness, and thank me for my genius like Germany did after I built the foundation for their success. Or maybe you will slide backwards, eventually giving up on a men’s team entirely after I refuse to forgive your grievous misjudgment and return to save you. Either way, you will miss me.
P.S. That’s a nice new Premier League job you’ve got there, Bob Bradley. It would be a shame if I took that one, too…
During Peterborough’s match against Northampton Town in League One on Saturday, defender Michael Bostwick spotted an unmarked teammate and fizzed a pass his way. The only problem: it wasn’t a teammate. It was a steward, dressed in a similar shade of yellow to the Posh, walking along the touchline.
The steward had no idea the ball was coming his way and kept right on walking as the ball boy snatched it up. Possession went to Northampton Town, but Peterborough ended up with a 1–0 win when Chris Forrester, who definitely is not a steward, scored during stoppage time.
So if you want to confuse your opponents, dress up your stewards in similar colors and have them sprint up and down the sides of the pitch.
Well reasoned backing for a major overhaul of the U.S. system
(Ben Fast)
In a report that could vindicate the ardent, grassroots support for promotion and relegation in U.S. soccer that has often been met with eye rolls from the gatekeepers to the American game’s top levels, Deloitte has laid out the benefits and dangers of implementing promotion and relegation in the United States.
With long-standing questions about public interest and the financial health of American soccer leagues, the promotion and relegation system seen in many other parts of the world has been ignored in the U.S. in favor of closed leagues, as seen in more established and American-centric sports. New franchises in top-tier MLS are now paying eight to nine figure buy-in fees to gain entry to a single-entity format that guarantees first division play for as long as the league stays afloat. Naturally, fears over changing the terms to these agreements and suddenly adding a great deal of risk to investors has prevented promotion and relegation discussions from going beyond the realm of hypothetical fan theories. But this new report from accounting and professional services firm Deloitte—the company behind the annual Deloitte Football Money League—might change that.
In a press release, Dan Jones, Head of the Sport Business Group at Deloitte, says:
“U.S. soccer has a major opportunity to capitalize on the nation’s growing interest in soccer. We believe the introduction of promotion and relegation into the existing league system could have numerous long term benefits, including increased attendances, increased broadcast audiences, improved commercial revenue and a positive impact on both elite players and grassroots participants.
“The current closed system has served MLS well in its early years, but as it matures it is reaching member capacity, preventing further expansion. Other challenges facing the current structure include growing fan interest in overseas leagues such as the English Premier League and a stagnation in the number of players annually registered with U.S. Youth Soccer. The number of registered players has barely risen since 2000 despite vastly increased rates of participation in high schools.
“Though the U.S. soccer league system may not be ready for such a move immediately and its implementation may not appear urgent, the topic is worthy of greater exploration and debate. U.S. soccer should properly consider the merits of introduction of promotion and relegation and a transition plan for its successful introduction in order to drive U.S. soccer forward.”
Though promotion and relegation would present challenges—especially since it would have to be implemented into a pre-existing structure—Deloitte says that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. First, to address the biggest hurdle, they suggest instituting a phased introduction (playoffs to determine if a club goes down or remains) and parachute payments for relegated clubs, as the Premier League does, to mitigate risk for owners. Added regulations and minimum league standards would also be necessary, according to the report. The English Football Conference and Korea’s K-League are given as examples as once closed leagues that have successfully transitioned to a promotion and relegation format.
The stated benefits of promotion and relegation are far reaching. From increased fan interest and broadcast friendly storylines that, in turn, drive up commercial values, to an increase in owner motivation to succeed, improved player development (increased competition at all levels leading to more aggressive investment in coaching and training facilities), and infrastructure lending itself to natural growth.
(Deloitte Analysis of Promotion and Relegation in the USA)
A companion survey of more than 1,000 U.S. fans conducted by Deloitte demonstrates that there is an appetite for promotion and relegation in America. A whopping 88% of respondents said promotion and relegation would benefit the U.S. and 50% said they would be more likely to watch matches on TV if it were introduced. This increased interest would even extend beyond the club level to the U.S. national team, if this survey is to be believed (which could be a big “if”).
(Deloitte U.S. fan poll)
Another interesting potential benefit to promotion and relegation, according to Deloitte, is the possibility of reinvigorating the country’s stagnant youth player registration. Over the last 16 years, growth in this area has dropped off significantly and increasing competition would also increase demand for and investment in youth development.
(Deloitte)
The potential drawbacks, however, do not seem insurmountable. As previously mentioned, Deloitte recommends that promoted clubs would have to meet minimum organizational requirements to ensure competition, and player costs would likely skyrocket, as they have in Europe. What Deloitte repeatedly stresses, though, is that despite all the theoretical benefits, U.S. soccer might not be mature enough to handle such a transition just yet, especially with the question of fairness to those who have already invested to wide-ranging degrees.
(Deloitte Analysis of Promotion and Relegation in the USA)
And that’s been the primary reason behind American soccer’s most powerful shutting down the conversation in the past.
“We play in a country where the major leagues are really successful,” said MLS commissioner Don Garber at the Soccerex convention in 2015. “There is no promotion and relegation in hockey and basketball and they work really well. It is not happening in MLS any time soon.”
“We have a structure that intrigues the rest of the world, the idea that owners can come together and be partners off the field and try and beat the heck out of each other on the field has worked really well in the U.S. in other sports to make some of the most valuable leagues in the world. It is attractive, it allows for some ability to plan and invest over a long period of time.
“How does America benefit? Massive investment in bricks and a league that will be around in 100 years from now. It has become more of a seller’s market. There is more interest in investing in MLS than there are teams available.”
USSF president Sunil Gulati has also said that implementing such a system would be “frought with peril” and would require “very long discussions with many people with high LSAT scores [i.e. lawyers].”
At this point, it should be noted that Deloitte’s report was commissioned by Silva International Investments Ltd.—a company founded by Riccardo Silva, president and co-owner of one-year-old Miami FC in the second-division NASL. Surely these findings will be music to his ears, even though they present a less than iron-clad case, especially as the NASL’s future is once again looking less than certain.
Even with this report to fortify the argument in favor of promotion and relegation in the U.S., nothing short of a movement amongst MLS owners—the people with the most money on the line—is likely to bring about change on this front. And that would require a level of financial bravery that they seem both unlikely and unable to possess.
The full report summary can be viewed here: [MidfieldPress]
Sunderland have endured an absolutely miserable season thus far, so of course when they finally play well enough to win at home for the first time this season (and just the second time overall), the lights go out during the game.
A power failure at the Stadium of Light (who says the football gods don’t have a sense of humor?) prompted fans to create a beautiful twinkle effect with their phones as Sunderland beat Hull City 3–0 to climb out of last place in the Premier League.
Surely Sunderland fans would’ve preferred this to happen during their 4–1 loss to Arsenal or 3–0 loss to Everton, but it hasn’t been like the Black Cats’ fortunes to enjoy small graces such as that.
The outage also had Sunderland manager David Moyes doing his post-match press conference in the dark, which gave him the opportunity to work in a shot at the assembled journalists in the name of banter.
Earlier this week, Samir Nasri made the harshest claim of all against the man who loaned him out to Sevilla: that he restricts when his players are allowed to have sex. But now, Pep Guardiola has declared his belief that sex helps footballers perform at their highest level.
“It’s impossible to play good football if you don’t make sex with your partner,” Guardiola told journalists at his Friday press conference (I would like to have this quote on a mug, please).
Guardiola then added that he wouldn’t ban his players from having sex. “They have to do that. [The more they] do it, better players.”
Nasri didn’t say that Guardiola institutes a full ban, though. Just a curfew, which Guardiola didn’t address. So both men could be technically right.
With this now established, we must wait for David Moyes to confirm whether masturbating with your own tears as lubrication improves performance, too.
As another international break draws to a close, the Portuguese national team’s official Facebook page has shared previously unseen video of Cristiano Ronaldo’s dressing room speech after he watched his teammates beat France in the Euro 2016 final. Naturally, he was not wearing a shirt when he delivered these words.
Cristiano thanked everyone down to the medical staff and called the occasion one of the happiest moments of his life (even going so far as to say that he swears on his son’s life). Presumably they edited out the part where he shakes his fist at the sky and shouts “This is one you’ll never have, Leo Messi! Never!!!”
The best part, however, was when he finally concluded and all of his teammates do his signature “SIIIIIIIIIII!” cry back at him while he nods approvingly. It’s easy to see why this was one of the greatest moments of his life.
