Category: England

Bournemouth’s Stanislas scores directly from a corner kick against Man Utd

Flush with confidence after their late winner against Chelsea last week, Bournemouth took an early lead against Man United in daring fashion. Junior Stanislas shamed David De Gea by scoring an olimpico in just the second minute of the game, adding one more laugh at Man United’s expense this week after their elimination from the Champions League.

Marouane Fellaini went on to equalize for Man United in the 24th minute, but he didn’t do it with a corner kick, so it really should have counted for less.

Bournemouth went on to win 2-1 (though it very easily could’ve been even more) with the deciding goal being scored by Josh King, a discarded product of Man United’s youth academy. Clearly the universe is still getting even for the unholy reign of Sir Alex Ferguson.

Jamie Vardy immortalized on package of salted potato snack

He did it. Jamie Vardy achieved the improbable by going from non-league footballer to Premier League record holder in a span of three years and now he’s received the ultimate honor: his own limited edition Walkers Crisps.

Dreams do come true. Dreams. Do. Come. True.

Man City players read mean tweets, make you feel kind of bad for them

In the latest installment of their video advent calendar, Man City had the questionable idea to make several of their own players read mean tweets about themselves in front of a camera. Eliaquim Mangala, Bacary Sagna, Fabian Delph, Vincent Kompany, and Yaya Toure were all subjected to what can only be a punishment for pissing off their superiors and their responses to the hate were so reasonable and nice that it makes the whole exercise far more awkward than funny.

No matter what you think of him as a player, by the end of this video you will want to give Mangala a hug and remove all the sharp things from his house.

To top it off, there’s a post-script to the video where Kompany talks about how much they love the haters, then pivots and says: “But there are some people who can’t deal with it and if you are one of those people, and you are a victim of cyber bullying, then let’s take this issue seriously…” Which sounds more like he’s putting down the people who “can’t deal with it” than offering them help. And no part of the video treated the issue seriously.

Anyway, happy holidays from Manchester City!

Cesc Fabregas has forgotten how to football

Cesc Fabregas’ first few months with Chelsea last season were quite good. Ever since then, he has gotten progressively worse to the point where it’s amazing he hasn’t tried to eat the ball and required the Heimlich maneuver from Kurt Zouma.

Speaking of eating the ball, he tried to force feed it to Willian at a thousand miles per hour during Chelsea’s 0-0 draw with Spurs…

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Jose Mourinho unimpressed with Diego Costa’s bib toss

Jose Mourinho and the shell of the footballer known as Diego Costa reportedly got into a verbal altercation at halftime of Chelsea’s 4-0 win against Maccabi Tel Aviv in the middle of the week, but Mourinho claimed after the match that the two made up with “kisses and cuddles.” Which can only be code for fighting each other until their bodies could no longer function due to blood loss.

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Jamie Vardy wears gold boots, scores in record 11th consecutive Premier League game

The stage was set for Jamie Vardy to make history in style. After scoring in 10 consecutive Premier League games, matching Ruud van Nistelrooy’s record, Vardy’s first-place Leicester City (which is a true fact in real life) happened to go up against Van Nistelrooy’s old club, second-place Man United.

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Man arrested for trying to punch Crystal Palace’s bald eagle

Two years after a Newcastle fan was jailed for punching a police horse, a man has now been jailed for attempting to punch Crystal Palace’s bald eagle mascot Kayla. And now English football officially has an animal punching epidemic.

From the Croydon Advertiser:

The incident allegedly occurred during Palace’s Capital One Cup clash with rivals Charlton on September 23.

The 34-year-old from Welling was arrested this morning (Friday) on suspicion of violent disorder and attempted criminal damage.

He remains in custody at a south London police station.

Not only is he lucky he wasn’t murdered by eagle for being stupid enough to provoke it (those things are strong!), but he’s also lucky he didn’t do this in the United States, where killing the national bird carries a maximum $250,000 fine or two years in prison.

Stop trying to punch animals, football fans.

Bermondsey Millwall Den and other egregious football themed baby names

Millwall fan Mike Bloomfield decided to name his newborn son Bermondsey Millwall Den Bloomfield without telling his wife (“Hey honey, you know that child you carried inside your body for nine months and then expelled in an unimaginably painful experience? Yeah, I gave it a ridiculous name behind your back! Love youuuuuu!”). For those who have no idea what any of those words mean, Bermondsey is the district of London in which Millwall play and The Den is their stadium.

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