Category: Europe

Madrid ball boy plays keep away from Patrice Evra

In the latest show of the Ball Boy Cabal’s tyrannical rule over football, a member of the Madrid faction flexed their impudence during the second leg of the Champions League semifinal between Real Madrid and Juventus.

As Patrice Evra attempted to collect the ball, a ball boy on the other side of the advertising board reached over and pulled it away from the Juve defender. This prompted a small scuffle for the ball that wasted the time of people all over the world, once again proving that Jose Mourinho was right and ball boys are the worst people on the planet.

The sooner we replace them all with ball retrieving robots, the better off football will be.

If you know anyone who is a ball boy or has ever expressed an interest in becoming one, please report them to the local authorities and, with any luck, they will be put in jail forever so they can no longer be a scourge on society.

Ajax celebrate Mother’s Day by walking onto the pitch with theirs

Ajax gave their players’ mothers a Mother’s Day (Moederdag in Dutch) to remember that culminated with the women walking onto the pitch with their sons before the club’s match against Cambuur.

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Leo Messi dismantles Bayern, makes the Camp Nou explode with tremendous goal

It took him 77 minutes, but when Lionel Messi finally ended Manuel Neuer’s goalkeeping masterclass in the first leg of Barcelona and Bayern Munich’s Champions League semifinal, he set fire to the whole school.

Just three minutes after his opening goal, he did this — turning Jerome Boateng into a pile of dust and chipping Neuer to realize what he couldn’t quite do in the World Cup final last summer. But beyond that simplistic description of events, there are no words to fully capture what Messi did in that moment. Just watch.

Violent ultras force riot police to retreat at Belgrade derby

Saturday’s Belgrade derby between Red Star and Partizan ended 35 (police injuries) to 41 (fans arrested — down from 104 in 2013!) in yet another, bloody, smoke-filled affair.

On the pitch, the the two sides played to a scoreless draw, keeping first-place Partizan five points ahead of second-place Red Star. But as usual, the real action was in the stands. And it was for that reason that the match began 45 minutes late.

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Giorgio Chiellini showing first symptoms of Suarezitis

Juventus held on for a scoreless draw in the second leg of their Champions League quarterfinal against Monaco to advance on a 1-0 aggregate, but amidst the celebrations is deep concern. Early in the match, defender Giorgio Chiellini displayed his first symptom of Suarezitis, which he contracted when Luis Suarez bit him at last summer’s World Cup.

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Zlatan gracefully accepts defeat to Neymar and Barcelona

Zlatan Ibrahimovic returned from suspension to stand on the pitch and watch Barcelona dispatch PSG from the Champions League in tidy fashion. It was yet another indignity at the Camp Nou for the former Barca player, who also lost there in the group stage this season and was eliminated from the quarterfinals there on away goals two years ago.

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Bayern go above and beyond their fans’ giant “Never give up!” tifo message to dismantle Porto

I hate to say I told you so, but I totally 100% told you so. Bayern came back from a shock 3-1 loss to Porto in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal to beat them 6-1 in the second leg (five Bayern goals scored before halftime). This was Pep Guardiola’s plan all along.

Before the match, worried Bayern supporters urged their team to “Never give up!” with a giant tifo at one end of the Allianz Arena, but an hour later their domination of Porto made that assertion look comical. It was so overwhelming that even Guardiola himself couldn’t watch the devastation he had wrought.

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Napoli’s Faouzi Ghoulam wants you to see his Dragon Ball Z underwear

(AP)
(AP)

Following Napoli’s 4-1 win against Wolfsburg, Algerian defender Faouzi Ghoulam stripped off his faux denim kit to proudly reveal his Dragon Ball Z underpants. The Japanese anime series is popular amongst footballers, but victoriously parading around in your Dragon Ball Z underpants after a Europa League match is next level fandom.

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