Category: Europe

Football Angel of Doom Mick Jagger denies England win against Russia

It was going so well for England. They played a brilliant and uncharacteristically dynamic first half in their Euro 2016 opener and in the 73rd minute, Eric Dier shocked everyone with a tremendous free kick to break the deadlock.

With Russia looking like the decidedly average side that they are, England looked set to begin their Euros campaign with a win for the first time ever. But— oh shit, is that Mick Jagger in the stands?

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Marouane Fellaini challenges Aaron Ramsey for worst Euro 2016 blond dye job

Here we go with Blondie Felli…. @sebahatmichel

A photo posted by Marouane Fellaini (@fellaini) on

Players know that the Euros bring a bright, potentially career changing spotlight. Getting noticed during this time can mean big-time transfers, fatter contracts, and new endorsement deals. So Marouane Fellaini and Aaron Ramsey have both attempted to take a shortcut to getting all eyes on them by dying their hair blond. This was a mistake on both counts.

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Sergio Ramos compares Champions League final to sex because he’s Sergio Ramos

In what can only be seen as an attempt to fuel the production of fan fiction about himself, Sergio Ramos has compared playing in the Champions League final to having sex.

From the Guardian:

“The first time is like when you make love: you always remember it … but then it’s true that you can improve because to start with you’re a disaster,” Ramos joked.

“The first time always has a special taste. I was the protagonist for a great goal,” he said. “But I am optimistic, very ambitious, and I prefer to keep turning the page and adding [trophies] to my CV. Hopefully I will have the chance to lift the trophy.”

Jokes about first sexual experiences usual involve references to quick finishes, but Ramos’ equalizer in the 2014 final came in the 93rd minute, setting up Real Madrid’s extra-time goalkakke.

He better hope this first-time success doesn’t make him overconfident and lead him to score at the wrong end in the rematch against Atletico. Because accident anal is definitely the sexual equivalent to an own goal.