Jerome Boateng was able to preserve Germany’s 1-0 first-half lead against Ukraine with a truly incredible bit of body control to make a goal-line clearance. Just watch and marvel.
Category: Europe
Football Angel of Doom Mick Jagger denies England win against Russia
It was going so well for England. They played a brilliant and uncharacteristically dynamic first half in their Euro 2016 opener and in the 73rd minute, Eric Dier shocked everyone with a tremendous free kick to break the deadlock.
0 – Eric Dier hasn’t attempted a single shot from a free-kick in his 65 Premier League games. Random.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) June 11, 2016
With Russia looking like the decidedly average side that they are, England looked set to begin their Euros campaign with a win for the first time ever. But— oh shit, is that Mick Jagger in the stands?
Dimitri Payet’s guide to becoming universally beloved (by everyone outside of Romania)
England fans hold rival Euro 2016 opening ceremony in Marseille
While Paris hosted the official Euro 2016 opening ceremony in Paris, with the usual mix of inexplicable performances and costumes, England fans held their own version of an opening ceremony in Marseille by fighting the locals and police alike in various states of undress.
UEFA would like you to know that they aren’t making Euro 2016 sex toys
The happy little guy picture above is Super Victor — the official mascot of Euro 2016. He got his name through a public vote, beating out Driblou and Goalix. Although those names are both horrible nonsense words, they both hold a distinct advantage over Super Victor from a branding perspective: they are not the names of sex toys.
Marouane Fellaini challenges Aaron Ramsey for worst Euro 2016 blond dye job
Players know that the Euros bring a bright, potentially career changing spotlight. Getting noticed during this time can mean big-time transfers, fatter contracts, and new endorsement deals. So Marouane Fellaini and Aaron Ramsey have both attempted to take a shortcut to getting all eyes on them by dying their hair blond. This was a mistake on both counts.
The memorable images of the 2016 Champions League final
Real Madrid beat Atletico Madrid on penalties to lift the Champions League trophy for the second time in three years. Though much of the game was utterly forgettable dreck, there were several images that will remain forever ingrained upon our memories for better or worse.
Sergio Ramos compares Champions League final to sex because he’s Sergio Ramos
In what can only be seen as an attempt to fuel the production of fan fiction about himself, Sergio Ramos has compared playing in the Champions League final to having sex.
From the Guardian:
“The first time is like when you make love: you always remember it … but then it’s true that you can improve because to start with you’re a disaster,” Ramos joked.
“The first time always has a special taste. I was the protagonist for a great goal,” he said. “But I am optimistic, very ambitious, and I prefer to keep turning the page and adding [trophies] to my CV. Hopefully I will have the chance to lift the trophy.”
Jokes about first sexual experiences usual involve references to quick finishes, but Ramos’ equalizer in the 2014 final came in the 93rd minute, setting up Real Madrid’s extra-time goalkakke.
He better hope this first-time success doesn’t make him overconfident and lead him to score at the wrong end in the rematch against Atletico. Because accident anal is definitely the sexual equivalent to an own goal.
The most miserable people at the 2016 Europa League final
Sevilla came back from 1-0 down to beat Liverpool 3-1 and win a record third consecutive Europa League title. Obviously a second cup final loss in one season is enough to dampen the spirits of anyone on Liverpool’s side, but a few people had worse experiences in Basel than others.
Drunk match officials banned by Czech federation
Two match officials have been banned by the Czech football federation for showing up drunk to work a first division match between Slavia Prague and FK Pribram. However, it remains unclear if their inebriation rendered them any less effective in their jobs than most sober officials.