Well hello there.
I see you’ve caught me taking a selfie at my PAOK unveiling. Yes, all these people are here to see The Berba and breathe in my intoxicating scent. … No, that’s not Zlatan’s new cologne. It’s pure Berba-musk. And whiff of unseen mayonnaise. Ha-HA!
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Hey Gerard, it’s me, your old not friend Pepe. I know we don’t really talk much outside of insulting each other during El Clasicos, but I just wanted to ask: are you OK, man?
After a full week of medical staff controversy, Chelsea lost 3-0 to Man City in a match that had them on their heels from the opening seconds. The result marked the first time since 1998 that Chelsea failed to two either of their first two Premier League matches of the season and emphasized the club’s need for further investment.
Still, Jose Mourinho insisted that Chelsea were the better team in the second half, despite conceding twice in the final 11 minutes after a Ramires goal was wrongly disallowed for offside. “The best team in the first half won the game. The best team in the second half was Chelsea, for sure. We had a difficult first half. We didn’t create a lot and our goalkeeper made a few important saves. If the 1-0 was a doubtful result at minute 70, 3-0 is completely fake,” he said.
So if this result was “fake,” we have an obligation to ask “What if it continued?”
Pictures of a fully clothed Cristiano Ronaldo have been leaked onto the internet by a hacker, the Portuguese superstar’s representatives have confirmed. The private snaps show Ronaldo in baggy, off the rack clothing that completely covers his body from the neck down. Out of respect to Ronaldo’s privacy, we will not be showing the images here.
Human embodiment of evil Raheem Sterling took a break from constantly using hippy crack and lending his Mercedes to people just so they could crash it to make his Premier League debut for Manchester City in their 3-0 win at West Brom.
Real Madrid defender Pepe has made the sensational claim that Barcelona star Lionel Messi broke into his house in the dead of night and brutally attacked him.
This comes after Messi stunned the world by headbutting and grabbing the neck of Roma defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa in an uncharacteristic show of anger during a preseason friendly.
It’s finally happening. Pep Guardiola is collapsing under the weight of his own genius and the Audi Cup, of all things, is proving to be the catalyst of his unraveling.
For the last two years, the once exceptional Radamel Falcao has been a ghost floating through Manchester United, the Colombian national team, and now Chelsea. His utterly forgettable appearance in the second half of the Community Shield was a continuation of his goalless Copa America (in which he was replaced by Jackson Martinez for the quarterfinal, even though he was the team’s captain) and his disappointing season with Man United (in which he was dropped to the U-21 squad at one point).
Though there have been many high profile strikers who have suffered long periods of vanishing form, few have been anywhere near as anonymous as Falcao has been during this period. He hasn’t had the spectacular misses of Fernando Torres or the controversies of Mario Balotelli. It’s almost like he’s not even there. And that’s because he isn’t.
Manchester United have announced the signing of goalkeeper Sergio Romero and something seems very wrong. Is that the look of a man who is happy to join a great club like Man United or someone in mortal danger?
But that’s just one picture. Maybe we’re jumping to conclusions here. Let’s see another…
