Excitement for the new season is rising and with preseason friendlies unable to fill the void, we turn to fantasy football to try and feed our insatiable addiction.
Though fantasy teams are intended to be season-long commitments, there are enough Jose Mourinho quotes and halftime shirt swapping scandals to fully occupy our time once the season gets going again. So here’s a guide to building a fantasy team and then forgetting about it in about two months.
FIFA has admonished comedian Lee Nelson for throwing money at outgoing president Sepp Blatter in denominations that the governing body has described as “worthlessly small.”
Liverpool are in Thailand as part of their preseason tour and though they’ve only just arrived, the trip has already provided an assortment of Brendan Rodgers pictures that captivate the eye.
The FIFA/Coca-Cola World Rankings for July have been released and as usual, there are some curious placements. Argentina have replaced the world champions in the top spot despite losing in the Copa America final, Romania and Wales are in the top 10, the USA dropped seven spots despite beating the Netherlands and Germany (in friendlies), and Algeria are the only non-European or South American team in the top 20.
Naturally, FIFA’s bizarre and consistently useless rankings prompt fans and journalists alike to wonder exactly how they are compiled. Now, for the first time ever, DT can reveal the full process of how your FIFA rankings are made.
All of Brazil is celebrating the one-year anniversary of a day in which absolutely nothing happened within its borders.
Gerrard: Oh. My. God. Robbie, can you believe that I’m totally, like, an LA Galaxy player now. It’s totes amazeballs, isn’t it? I mean, for real.
Keane: Why are you talking like that, Steven?
Gerrard: Talking like what? I’m just speaking in my totally normal Scouse accent. Like, it’s not like I watched the movie Clueless a thousand times in the last two months to learn how people from LA talk because I’m super nervous about playing for a club that isn’t Liverpool and living in a new place and driving on the wrong side of the road and what’s with all the traffic here? Hahahahaha!
Keane: Just relax and you’ll be fine. You’re Steven Gerrard for god’s sake.
Gerrard: For sure. It means so much to me that you would, like, say that. You are awesomesauce to the max, Robbie!
In April 2014, Barcelona were given a 14-month transfer ban by FIFA for breaking rules related to the transfer of players under the age of 18. FIFA rejected their appeal in August of that year and in December, the Court of Arbitration for Sport rejected another appeal. “Barcelona will not be allowed to sign any players in 2015,” said the BBC at the time.
This would be devastating news to any club, but Barcelona have found a way to cope in this bleak and treacherous time. The following is their guide to coping with a transfer ban for a full year.
Chelsea have officially announced the signing of Radamel Falcao on a season-long loan. Though some critics have quibbled that his abysmal form with Manchester United last season and Colombia at the Copa America last month should have served as a clear warning for the Premier League champions to stay away, there are actually so many reasons for them to acquire the once prolific striker that they probably don’t even know exactly why they’re doing it themselves.
-Get tournament in Canada, which is close enough for a large number of U.S. fans to attend, but without potential for accusations of host nation bias. (The only other bid came from Zimbabwe, who mysteriously withdrew a few months after the bid deadline.)
-Start indicting FIFA officials shortly before the start of the tournament to scare Jerome Valcke and Sepp Blatter away from attending. (Because having those scuzzbags around would just make everything 20% less enjoyable.)
Sergio Ramos, Real Madrid’s all-time leader in red cards and dropped trophies, reportedly wants to leave the club and only wants to go to Manchester United. No, I didn’t mean to write Manchester City. He supposedly only wants United. The following is a transcript of his transfer demand.
