Petr Cech has moved to Arsenal and, of course, this makes me sad. This makes me sad. Petr was at Chelsea for many years. We achieved great things together, but now he has decided to go to Arsenal like a top race horse suddenly deciding to pull a manure cart on a farm and people are asking why.
The offseason is short for professional footballers, but since they are so unaccustomed to the free time, they still manage to fill it with strange activities. These are just a few of them.
According to Uruguayan journalist Victor Hugo Morales, Diego Maradona plans to run for FIFA president. The World Cup winner previously suggested he would be vice president of FIFA if Prince Ali is elected to replace Sepp Blatter. But now it seems he has set his sights higher and, naturally, he has some ideas on how he can improve FIFA.
Premier League fixtures for the 2015/16 season have been released and to explain the mysterious process, the league’s official website published an interview with fixture list compiler Glenn Thompson. The following is an exact reproduction of that interview.
@JackGrealish1 had a great night, opposite my apartment in the wonderful tenerife 😂 pic.twitter.com/CDecFX80kw
— Briony King (@brionyking0913) June 14, 2015
Jack Grealish, Aston Villa’s talented 19-year-old midfielder and background actor in the period drama Peaky Blinders, was photographed sleeping in the middle of a street while on holiday in Tenerife, Spain.
On the one hand, his willingness to experience the plight of the less fortunate and sleep rough is refreshing in an age of pampered footballers who make racist sex tapes. It shows character. But on the other, it’s also very sad. As a Premier League player, he can afford much better accommodations and shouldn’t be ashamed of that.
Villa have acknowledged the photographs and said they will meet privately with Grealish, presumably to inform him of the more enjoyable options he has at his disposal when traveling abroad.
These are some of the Tenerife choices the club might tell him about…
Since I, Sepp Blatter, am the godfather of women’s football, there is no one more qualified to tell you everything you need to know about the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup!
Even though the tournament has not yet begun, people are already talking about it with so much excitement that you might think it started last Saturday. That’s how far I have brought women’s football! And that’s one of many reasons why the American authorities should not arrest me.
Dear Mr. Mourinho,
I recently read about Didier Drogba’s intention to leave Chelsea this summer and would like to find out if you are now looking for an experienced striker with a stylish haircut to replace him. I am interested in a job within the Premier League and would be happy to move to London. It will be a great pleasure to learn more regarding Chelsea FC’s mission and the potential job opportunities.
Continually plumbing new depths of classlessness under Mike Ashley, Newcastle informed long-time members of the team Ryan Taylor and Jonas Gutierrez, who returned from testicular cancer to score the goal that ensured that they would not be relegated, of their release with one call on a shared phone.
Though both players had been told that they would be released months in advance, they were informed of the final decision by economically conscious caretaker manager John Carver while they were both in Northern Ireland working towards their coaching badges. From the Guardian:
“John Carver rang me and told me the club weren’t going to offer me a new deal,” Taylor told Sky Sports News. “I then had a chat with him, he’s a good friend of mine. I’ve spent a lot of time with John in and out of the club. So I had a chat with him and then he asked me to pass the phone to Jonas, which was unbelievable. I can’t really blame John because he’s under instructions on what to do.”
The following is a transcript of that call…
Hello from beautiful St. Tropez!
I just wanted to show you what a wonderful time I am having now that the season is officially over and no football that is still being played actually counts for anything. I’m sure every other footballer wishes they were here right now, too.
This boat I am on doesn’t have a television or internet access, so I can only assume that the Copa del Rey final and Champions League final were both canceled and Lionel Messi was arrested for being a witch. Very sad, I know, but I promise you that Real Madrid will return to both cup finals next season! As long as something inconceivable like Rafa Benitez becoming our manager and making Gareth Bale the focus of the team doesn’t happen, but that’s a silly thought and probably evidence that I’ve been in the sun too long. Anyway, I look forward to another season of working with the brilliant Carlo Ancelotti, who led us to La Decima just one short year ago!
The water, the people, and the experiences here are all beautiful! This is what life is all about. Not team trophies. It’s about spending quality time with friends and laughing and winning individual trophies like the Pichichi award for being La Liga’s top scorer. Winning more than three Ballon d’Or awards is just showing off, and, frankly, quite selfish, though.
I hope everyone enjoys the offseason break and makes sure to watch the Women’s World Cup, which begins on the 6th of June and is the only thing happening that day.
Top scoringly yours,
Cristiano