AHHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND I AM HERE TO WRECK ALL OF THE HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET SAID THAT I AM “STIFF” SO I BODYSLAMMED MY COMPUTER INTO A MUFFIN FACTORY TO SHOW THE WORLD WIDE WEB THAT I MEAN WORLD WIDE BUSINESS AND THEN I FILMED A VIDEO THAT PROVES BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT I AM NOT STIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Category: Nonsense
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s player ratings: Chelsea Babies v PSG
Zlatan Ibrahimovic was harshly sent off 31 minutes into the second leg of the Chelsea-PSG Champions League round of 16 tie for a 50-50 challenge with Oscar. Despite being reduced to 10 men, PSG pushed a lackluster Chelsea side to extra time, where they recovered from going a goal down to advance on away goals.
After the match, Zlatan said, “The worst is when I get the red card, all the Chelsea players come around — that, for me, I don’t know, it felt like I had 11 babies around me.”
An evening in exile with Radamel Falcao
A mere 24 hours after serving as an unused substitute in Manchester United’s FA Cup loss to Arsenal (their first loss at home to Arsenal since 2006), Falcao started in a U-21 match against Spurs at Old Trafford. It wasn’t the manner in which a club usually has an on-loan player earn his £260,000 a week, but it does show the brand of anarchy currently gripping Man United.
The following is a rundown of what happened in this depressingly star-studded U-21 fixture.
Lionel Messi’s monopolization of football’s records must be stopped
Records are an important part of sports. They provide a context that links the past and present, giving younger generations a means to appreciate what came before their time. They allow the names of legends to live on beyond the confines of their brief careers. And by monopolizing football’s records, Lionel Messi is destroying everything.
Petr Cech consoles Harry Kane after the Capital One Cup final
“Hey, Harry, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about all this. I know it’s tough to lose a cup final. It happens to the best of us, though. See these hands? Even though you couldn’t get a single shot past them today, others have. And when they did, I was just as upset as you are. But look at me now! I’ve won yet another trophy and I couldn’t be happier. Pretty great, isn’t it?
It’s time to ban everyone from football
A look at the day’s top stories reveal why it’s definitely time to ban every from football.
The key (and possibly made up) elements of the new MLS collective bargaining agreement
MLS and the MLS Players Union have settled on a new five-year collective bargaining agreement, narrowly avoiding a strike days before the 2015 season is scheduled to begin. Though the league did make concessions in several notable areas — namely the addition of a very limited form of free agency and a significant wage increase for the lowest paid players — it looks looks to be yet another victory for the league’s more short-sighted and shallow pocketed owners. And many players are reportedly left unsatisfied.
However, compromises were made by both sides in the interest of reaching an agreement just before the start of the new season.
A breakdown of how Chelsea will use the money from their record shirt sponsorship deal
Chelsea have announced a club record shirt sponsorship deal with Yokohama Rubber reportedly worth £200 million over the next five years. Though the deal doesn’t begin until next season, the influx of FFP friendly cash has already been earmarked for several key areas.
Here’s a breakdown of how the money will be divided up…
Dimitar Berbatov is…The Continental
Well hello there.
I see you’ve caught me scoring against Arsenal at the Emirates. Yet again. This was an especially satisfying conquest since few people gave Monaco a chance. But like when I pop out of your oversized birthday cake completely nude, we gave them quite the surprise. Ha-HA!
