Transfer coverage has morphed into a parody of itself, right down to dildos in the ears of Sky Sports reporters, but there is still so much to make fun of. Thankfully, Anthony Richardson (Bad British Commentary and How Will They Line Up?) has put together a condensed version of what we’re in for on Deadline Day.
The next time you go shopping for computer parts, keep an eye out for Peter Crouch.
The second leg of Atletico Madrid’s Copa del Rey semifinal against Barcelona had it. A skillful Fernando Torres goal within the first minute, Jordi Alba getting smacked in the head by the linesman’s flag, Torres shoving Neymar while walking off the pitch at halftime, Gabi getting a red card in the tunnel, Arda Turan throwing his own boot, and Barcelona came from behind to win 3-2 (4-2 on aggregate). It even had a player — Atletico’s Cristian Ansaldi — who was detained by police on his way into the stadium for slamming his car door on a cop’s hand!
Clearly this match had everything (a man threw his own boot!) and more. Yet many of you still requested that we ask that old chestnut of a question: What if it continued?
In the 1990s, Craig Burley was a regular in the Chelsea midfield, but now he’s a regular on the ESPN sofa, where he specialises in saying obtuse and mildly controversial things. One such mildly controversial thing was a bet that Fernando Torres would fail to score in Atletico Madrid’s Copa del Rey tie against Real Madrid at the Bernabeu last week. If Nando did score, Burley said he would get a tattoo of his pretty little Spanish face. Read more
Lionel Messi recently expressed his willingness to play in the same team as Cristiano Ronaldo in a supremely hypothetical world where that might be possible somehow. Now Ronaldo has followed that up by saying that competing against Messi motivates him. So what would happen if they actually did play in the same team? Exactly this.
Arsenal finally decided to adapt to their opponent instead of the people in their dressing room mirror and ended up beating Man City 2-0 at the Etihad. It marked the first time since 2010 that they have won at City (when the score was 3-0, with goals from Samir Nasri, Alex Song and…Nicklas Bendtner). Defensive midfielder Francis Coquelin stepped into the starting XI and though Arsenal uncharacteristically allowed City to have 65% of possession, goals from Santi Cazorla and Olivier Giroud made the difference. Given the rarity of this event, we really must ask “What if it continued?”
Happy 27th birthday to ex-Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner today. He’s scored 26 goals in 64 games for Denmark. pic.twitter.com/RbmmnRsLvH
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) January 16, 2015
For some perplexing reason, January 16th is not a celebrated holiday around the world. Alas, we are expected to go to work and carry about our day like it isn’t the 27th birthday of the Greatest Ever Footballer Named Nicklas Bentnder.
To quote the majority of Arsenal fans when they used to see the Danish legend in their starting XI, this is utter madness.
So, in celebration of this blessed day, here are 27 reasons to love Lord Bendtner…
I did it! I scored my first two goals ever at the Bernabeu to eliminate Real Madrid put Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey quarterfinals. I really did it! And now I’m sleepy. So very sleepy. But what will I dream about when my waking hours were better than any fantasy I could imagine?…
If Reese Witherspoon takes to the stage at next month’s Oscars, grasps her Best Actress gong and shouts “Siiiiii!” at the assembled audience members before peacing out, we will have the trend-setting ways of Cristiano Ronaldo to thank. Read more
As expected, Cristiano Ronaldo won his second consecutive and third overall Ballon d’Or on Monday. And he punctuated his acceptance speech by bellowing “Siiiii!”
There is a new outrage in football and clubs are quickly starting to take action in order to stop it before it completely ruins the game forever. No, it’s not something actually important like racism, sexism, homophobia, or xenophobia — it’s something worse than all of those things combined, wrapped in a suit and named Sepp Blatter. It’s called a “selfie stick” and it is somehow a thing that people care about.