Category: Nonsense

Conspiracy Theory: Powerful Ball Boy Cabal determined to sabotage Chelsea

Everyone knows that the biggest villains in the game are the corrupt FIFA executives headed by scoundrel president Sepp Blatter. This is exactly what the ball boys want you to think. In truth, these evil, duplicitous children have been quietly pulling the strings from just behind the advertising hoardings for decades. The frail, confused old men they’ve propped up at the top of the sport’s governing body are nothing more than elderly puppets.

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has figured this out and has bravely attempted to reveal the ball boys’ iron-fisted control over everything that happens in football.

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Future News: Jose Mourinho says Victoria’s Secret fashion show more competitive than Spurs at Stamford Bridge

(Reuters)
(Reuters)

Spurs haven’t won at Stamford Bridge since February 1990 — a streak that continued on Wednesday with a 3-0 loss to Chelsea. This has prompted Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho to declare that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show he attended the night before was more competitive than Spurs at their London rivals’ ground.

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Brendan Rodgers’ most terrifying facial expressions

Going from second place in the Premier League and having Luis Suarez to eighth place and having Mario Balotelli is enough to put a strain on any manager’s grasp on sanity. If the facial expressions of Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers are anything to go by, he seems to be taking this change in fortune especially hard, though. To illustrate this point (and ruin the rest of your life), here are some of his most terrifying facial expressions so far this season…

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Arsene Wenger tells Arsenal fans to keep bringing signs urging him out

“Thanks for the memories but it’s time to say goodbye”? Why? Are you going somewhere? Off to support Chelsea perhaps? Because here’s a timeline of how my week went: I beat Jurgen Klopp — the guy you probably want to replace me—  2-0 at home in the Champions League, and then I went to the Hawthorns and beat West Brom — the strongest of the Premier League’s currently 15th-place teams — with a goal from the player that I am quickly turning into the new Thierry Henry.

In other words, I’m still making memories for which you should be thanking me. So if anyone should leave, it’s you, Bendtner brains. WA-BAM!

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