The 2016 Champions League final ended with a Cristiano Ronaldo penalty and a lot of utterly exhausted players. But what if the match had not gone to a shootout and instead continued with even more extra time?
Category: Nonsense
Conspiracy Theory: Lionel Messi is paying Cristiano Jr. to troll his father
Jose Mourinho leaves his house
Jose Mourinho has left his house. He could be going to sign his Manchester United contract. Or to buy a gift for Louis van Gaal, his dear friend whose job he specifically campaigned for over the last six consecutive months. Is he thinking about which players he will sign? He’s probably contemplating which players he’ll sell. Or maybe he’s thinking about the players he will buy and then sell!
Andrea Pirlo’s guide to improving American soccer
In a recent interview, NYCFC midfielder Andrea Pirlo offered his views on youth development in the United States and how that impacts the quality of play at the professional level.
From Reuters:
“What I’m talking about is actually a system or culture. I don’t mean that the level of technical skills are low. I just mean there is a cultural void that needs to be filled,” Pirlo told Reuters at an MLS promotional event in Manhattan.
The Italian, who turned 37 on Thursday, said Americans who play soccer at college are already behind in terms of their development when compared with European peers. […]
“[In Europe] they pick them and they train them in much more than just running,” he said. “They train them in stopping the ball. Here that doesn’t happen.
“So when a young man becomes a professional in the United States he still has some gaps that need to be filled when playing on the field.”
As far as his personal U.S. experience, Pirlo said he has adjusted to the new environment and found the level of play quite physical, which he attributed to how players evolve in the U.S. system.
“It’s a very hard league to play in. It’s very physical, there’s a lot of running. So there is a lot of physical work and to me, in my mind, too little play,” said Pirlo.
So how would Pirlo fix these systematic issues? Here are his steps to developing a more cultured game…
Experts: Europa League trophy spent too long in Sevilla captivity to be released back into the wild
Silverware experts have agreed that the Europa League trophy has simply spent too long in Sevilla’s possession to be released back into the wild or another club’s possession. As a result, the trophy must now stay with the Spanish club forever.
Conspiracy Theory: Louis van Gaal behind Old Trafford evacuation to prolong his Man Utd stay
Manchester United’s final match of the Premier League season had to be abandoned and Old Trafford evacuated due to a “suspicious device” found in a bathroom at the stadium prior to kickoff. Once it was decided that it wasn’t the product of Wayne Rooney’s gastrointestinal system, the item was detonated in a controlled explosion and ruled to be “an incredibly realistic-looking explosive device,” according to the Greater Manchester Police. It also happened to be “a training device which had accidentally been left by a private company following a training exercise involving explosive search dogs.”
This raises the question: of all the things to leave behind, how could this company possibly leave one of their fake explosives? Well, maybe they didn’t.
A brief conversation between Sergio Ramos and Axl Rose
And now, a brief conversation between Sergio Ramos and Axl Rose…
Ramos: Axl Rose! Can we get a picture?
Rose: (grunts)
Ramos: I love your music!
Rose: (grunts)
Ramos: I’m sorry for coming on stage and tackling you. I thought that since your leg is broken, and you have to sit during the show, you would want the mosh pit to come to you.
Rose: No.
Ramos: (poses for camera) Rock and roll!
This has been a brief conversation between Sergio Ramos and Axl Rose.
Future News: UEFA hires extra security to handle Zidane and Simeone at Champions League final
With the 2016 Champions League final now set to be a rematch of the 2014 final between Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid, UEFA has announced plans to employ an unprecedented level of security at the match in order to protect everyone from managers Zinedine Zidane and Diego Simeone.
A night in the stands with Cristiano Ronaldo
The first leg of Man City and Real Madrid’s Champions League semifinal was stupendously boring and Cristiano Ronaldo had to sit in the stands and watch it like the rest of us due to a muscle injury. It quickly became clear that this was an outer ring of his own personal hell.
Future News: Aston Villa launch investigation into all their players not caught with laughing gas
Following Aston Villa’s announcement that striker Gabriel Agbonlahor has been suspended for being pictured with laughing gas canisters, the club has also announced an investigation into all of their players not pictured with laughing gas canisters.