David Villa scores from distance because he didn’t feel like running any further

Sometimes it pays not to go the extra few steps


NYCFC were already beating the utterly useless Philadelphia Union 1–0 when David Villa took control of the ball around the middle of the pitch in the 90th minute. With two defenders around him and the game essentially over already, Villa decided to launch a shot into the night sky and when it came back down, it landed in the back of the net. Villa was as impressed with himself as anyone.

After the match, which NYCFC won 2–0, Villa explained why he took a shot from where he did.

“I was a little bit tired from running so I just tried it and it went in,” he said, according to NYCFC’s official website.

That’s it. He was feeling tired so he scored with the longest goal in MLS since at least 2012. Simple as that.

A quote like that won’t surprise anyone who considers MLS to be a retirement league, but the thing about these guys who are supposedly retiring in MLS is that while they might not have the legs they once did, they still have the talent which makes them capable of moments like this. And if this what comes from a tired David Villa, well, I’m very OK with that.


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David Moyes hands out chocolate eggs to journalists at press conference

The Sunderland manager tries to get back in reporters’ good graces on Good Friday


Sunderland manager David Moyes hasn’t faced any repercussions since it was revealed that he threatened to slap BBC reporter Vicki Sparks after an interview. But in a transparent attempt to buy back the affections of the press, Moyes handed out chocolate eggs after his press conference on Friday.

As with everything else about Sunderland these days, the desperation is palpable.


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The many dilemmas that face Didier Drogba as player-owner of Phoenix Rising

Drogba is taking up an unusual combination of roles with a club hoping to join MLS


On Wednesday it was announced that Didier Drogba will join three-year-old USL club Phoenix Rising as both a player and a part-owner. On the pitch, Drogba will join Mexico great Omar Bravo and he’ll be reunited with former Chelsea teammate Shaun Wright-Phillips. In the board room, Drogba will join an ownership group that includes the likes of Diplo, Pete Wentz from the band Fall Out Boy, and LA Dodgers pitcher Brandon McCarthy. It’s as if the club was formed by someone filling out a Mad Libs in the waiting room of a dentist’s office.

Drogba joins Phoenix with the intention of helping to lift them from the second division to MLS—which is a tricky proposition given that there are a number of clubs and cities vying for a spot in the league and promotion/relegation doesn’t exist in the U.S. In addition to this, Drogba will also have to navigate the rare combination of being both a player and a part-owner. With all this in mind, here are some of the unique challenges he will face:

  • If a teammate argues with him over who gets to take a penalty, can he fine the guy right then and there?
  • Does he have to pretend to like Fall Out Boy?
  • How much should he pay himself?
  • If it’s not enough, should he demand he sell himself?
  • What if he wants to stay, but they get a really good offer for him, should he sell himself then?
  • Can he sack manager Frank Yallop if he doesn’t play him enough?
  • If he decides that his pal Shaun Wright-Phillips isn’t working out and has to go, can he say it was Diplo’s decision?
  • Should he just change the name of the team to the Phoenix Drogbas?
  • Seriously, who invited Pete Wentz?
  • Will MLS be afraid that if they don’t admit Phoenix to the league, he will call them “a fucking disgrace” on live television?
  • If his teammates complain about the owners not springing for first-class plane tickets, does he lecture them on controlling costs or does he pretend his music is too loud to be able to hear them?
  • Does he let an increasingly desperate David Beckham join the ownership group?
  • If his teammates pass to him rather than shoot themselves, should he give them a bonus?
  • How awkward will it be if the other players try to negotiate new contracts with him in the dressing room?
  • Should he be the groundskeeper and team chef, too?
  • When he’s not playing, does he sit in the owner’s box or on the bench?
  • Since he’ll be using it too, should he spring for the extra soft toilet paper in the bathroom or secretly carry around just enough for himself?

As you can see, this situation is fraught with peril. But Didier Drogba has ended civil wars. If anyone can navigate these waters, it’s him.


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DT Exclusive: A revealing interview with Bastian Schweinsteiger

The new Chicago Fire star’s secrets revealed!

(Chicago Fire/Twitter)

To help hold you over as we wait to see if there will be an episode two of the Dirty Tackle podcast, we managed to get an exclusive interview with Chicago Fire signing Bastian Schweinsteiger. It didn’t go well, but it did provide at least one astounding revelation nonetheless.

Check it out here:

If you want to help us ensure that there are more episodes of the DT podcast, vote for us here (seriously, it means a lot) and be sure to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss a thing.


USL team scores overhead kick from a flip throw-in

Olympic level gymnastics from the second tier of U.S. soccer

(Energy FC/Twitter)

The Oklahoma City Energy beat the Sacramento Republic 1–0 in the second-division USL (not to be confused with other U.S. second-division league, the NASL) with a goal worthy of the Champions League.

Defender Michael Harris whipped in a perfectly executed flip throw-in, which was headed up into the air by a teammate, allowing Miguel Gonzalez to position himself under the ball and fire an overhead kick into the back of the net.

It looked like something they’ve practiced everyday for a year and if it was, it definitely paid off. This goal is going to be internet famous for a while.


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Dortmund supporters repay Monaco fans’ warmth with local hospitality after CL match postponement

A scary situation gives way to opposing fans supporting each other

(BVB/Twitter)

An explosion near Borussia Dortmund’s team bus as it made its way to the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal against Monaco resulted in defender Marc Bartra suffering an arm injury that required surgery. The match was postponed until Wednesday.

As fans inside the Westfalenstadion waited for information on the frightening incident, the Monaco supporters who made the trip to Germany began chanting “Dortmund, Dortmund” in an impromptu show of solidarity.

The gesture was greatly appreciated by their hosts and soon, Dortmund locals began tweeting offers to open up their homes to Monaco fans suddenly faced with an overnight stay in another country if they still wanted to attend the rescheduled match.

These demonstrations of kindness and goodwill serve as important counterbalances to the awfulness of the original incident. Though there are destructive elements, football will always be a community of people with a shared passion above all else.


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Real Salt Lake player throws snowball at opponent during match

When life gives you snow, make snowballs


Real Salt Lake hosted the Vancouver Whitecaps on Saturday in a match that started out like any other. But this being Utah in April, a blizzard soon rolled in and before long the Whitecaps’ kits matched the color of the pitch.

With the home side already up 3–0, Luis Silva entered the match in the 81st minute and hand some trouble staying on his feet as he battled for the ball with Vancouver defender Tim Parker. Cold, frustrated, and covered in snow, Silva grabbed a handful of the white powder and hurled it at Parker as he pass the ball up field.

Silva wasn’t punished for this, but bravo to Parker for not falling to the ground and screaming in diver’s pain once he realized he’d been hit.

If you want to see the progression from green to whiteout, here are the full match highlights:


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Chivas’ Carlos Fierro performs sneak attack on goalkeeper to score late winner

Puebla’s goalkeeper may never live this one down


With Chivas and Puebla even at 2–2 late in added time, 22-year-old Chivas winger Carlos Fierro went into ninja stealth mode. He lurked behind Puebla goalkeeper Cristian Campestrini and as soon as Campestrini dropped the ball on the ground, Fierro pounced. He swiped the ball and had Campestrini crawling on his hands and knees after him like a toddler on a frozen lake.

Fierro scored with relative ease, giving Chivas a 3–2 win. This was his first goal of the season.

Campestrini, meanwhile, must now change his name, dye his hair and take up a new profession. One where he can keep his back to a wall at all times to ensure that no one can ever sneak up behind him again. This is how lifelong paranoias are born. He might even start wearing a helmet with rearview mirrors attached to it.


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Football is so easy for Dele Alli that he spends his time perfecting ridiculous handshakes

Devoting time to an actual challenge


Dele Alli opened the scoring in Spurs’ 4–0 win over Watford and he celebrated by carrying out an absurdly intricate handshake with Son Heung-Min, who went on to have a brace of his own.

Alli also has a different, yet equally absurd handshake with Harry Kane.

And yes, this is something these guys work on during training.

Some buzzkills might say that investing time in learning such an elaborate handshake is irresponsible, but what else is Alli supposed to do? Work on his shooting? He won last season’s PFA Young Player of the Year award and now has 16 goals in 30 Premier League appearances this season. And he’s still just 20 years old. Clearly, Dele Alli has this football business figured out. So why spend time on something that’s actually a challenge like these handshakes?

Maybe if Leo Messi was better at football he’d have time to come up with fun handshakes, too.


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Mario Balotelli does knee slide through airport metal detector, beats Lille

Not even airport security can stop Super Mario

(Yannick Faraut/OGC Nice)

Mario Balotelli notched a brace to beat Lille 2–1 and move Nice into second place in Ligue 1, just one point behind leaders Monaco (who have two games in hand). Balo’s first season in France has been a stark contrast to his last two with Liverpool and Milan, as he now has 15 goals in 24 matches across all competitions and 13 in 19 Ligue 1 appearances—his highest totals since 2013/14.

In fact, Mario is feeling so good that he’s literally sliding through airport security as if that’s something that can be done without getting detained and questioned by several different governmental agencies.

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Still just 26 years old, Balotelli’s relatively controversy free resurgence in France should be enough to get him back into the Italian national team after a nearly three-year absence. It might even get him another look from a top club.


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