Hospital patients bring holiday cheer to downtrodden Sunderland players

Sick children try to lift the spirits of the unfortunate souls who play for the Black Cats

(Sunderland/Twitter)

A group of local children’s hospital patients and staff visited Sunderland’s training complex on Monday in an effort to spread some merriment at the relegation threatened club. With 14 points through 17 Premier League matches so far this season, Sunderland currently sit 18th in the table—just two points from the bottom—and were in dire need of cheering up this holiday season. Which is why this group of sick children and their tireless caregivers took pity on the Sunderland players and spent some quality time with them.

“It’s a very difficult time of the year for for footballers to be playing for Sunderland,” said Timmy, age seven. “Visiting the training ground and spending some time with the players and their families is always something the kids enjoy and hopefully we have helped lift their spirits a little. Just seeing the pain in their eyes as they wore their sad ‘I love SAFC’ Christmas jumpers was heartbreaking.”

Samantha, nine, added: “The Sunderland staff do such an—well, I wouldn’t say ‘amazing’ job—but they try their best. And even though that’s not proving to be good enough, it’s great to be able to thank them for all their work and meet the players as they trudge towards relegation. It’s just nice to give something back to the people who need it most. Especially at this time of year.”

The children’s efforts did not go unappreciated, either.

Sunderland manager David Moyes was near tears when a young boy was willing to accept his autograph instead of laughing in his face like most people when he offers. Another child even knew Lee Cattermole’s name.

“It’s been a tough few years for me in particular,” Moyes said after the event, “And though these kids don’t know what it’s like to make millions of pounds despite a growing list of failures, it feels good to know that they care about us as we endure this difficult time in our lives.”


David Luiz does magic tricks in the dressing room

The Chelsea defender has always been full of surprises


David Luiz is revealing one hidden talent after another this season. First by proving he can defend and now by doing card tricks in the dressing room.

With the cameras rolling and his teammates gathered around, the Brazilian defender successfully pulled off a post-match card trick that would make David Blaine jealous (assuming he gets jealous very easily).

This is what it’s come to for Chelsea under Antonio Conte. Atop the table with a six-point cushion, a club record 11 straight wins with 25 goals scored and just two conceded in that span. After a while you need David Luiz to do some card tricks just to stave off the boredom of domination.

Anyway, Luiz now joins Mario Balotelli and Rafa Benitez as football’s top off-the-pitch magicians.


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Youth teams in financial danger after FA bans tattoo shop and night club sponsors

Because puritanical moralizing is apparently more important than letting kids play the game


The business of football is difficult when you don’t have a billionaire or an entire nation state bankrolling the endeavor—especially when the FA won’t even let you keep the sponsors you do have. And that’s the predicament Kings Heath Concorde find themselves in.

The club where former England internationals Joleon Lescott and Darius Vassell got their start could be forced to eliminate their U-10s team since the FA doesn’t approve of having a tattoo shop as their shirt sponsor. The FA has also taken issue with a local nightclub sponsoring their U-8s team.

From the Birmingham Mail:

“What next?” asked Warstone Body Art studio boss Simon Mabbott. “Are they going to ban Premier League footballers who have tattoos? Because that would be pretty much all of them.”

And a spokesman for Arena described the ban as ‘bonkers’. “We are not just a nightclub, we have two function rooms,” she said.

“Are the FA worried that the under-eights and their mates are going to try to get into the place?”

Without these sponsorships, the club can’t afford the teams’ kit costs.

Club president Russell Jukes rightly points out that fast food chains pose much more harm to children of this age than tattoo shops and night clubs, yet there are no rules against them sponsoring youth teams.

In other news, the FA recently announced a 12-year, £400 million kit deal with Nike.


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Referee experiments with not sending off Sergio Ramos, Real Madrid win Club World Cup

It turns out keeping 11 men on the pitch can really help a team avoid a major upset

(Real Madrid/Twitter)

Real Madrid likely thought that their Club World Cup final against local side Kashima Antlers was just a formality, especially after Karim Benzema opened the scoring in the ninth minute. But then Kashima struck back, scoring on either side of halftime to take a 2–1 lead. Cristiano Ronaldo equalized from the penalty spot in the 60th minute and with the score still 2–2 near the end of regulation time Sergio Ramos happened.

Now, at this stage in a match, this can mean one of two things: Either he scored a decisive goal or Real Madrid’s all-time leader in red cards added to his total. Already on a yellow, Ramos appeared to have earned a second to put his side at a disadvantage for extra time. The referee reached into his pocket, but he pulled out nothing. Ramos stayed on the pitch and Cristiano scored twice more in extra time to complete his hat trick and give Real madrid their second Club World Cup title.

After the match, Ramos and Ronaldo appeared to joke about the ref’s pocket fake out.

https://streamable.com/lzial

Perhaps the ref was just curious to see what would happen if he didn’t eject Ramos. How many bookable offenses could be rack up in a single match? After all, it was only the Club World Cup and they were already experimenting with video technology, so why not experiment with a Sergio Ramos behavior challenge, too?

Zidane ended up substituting Ramos in the 108th minute, as he probably didn’t want to test his luck any further. And in the end, Goliath beat David with a bit of help from the referee, then had a hearty laugh. After all, Leicester City already did the underdog thing this year, so letting that happen again would just be a little too cliche.

(Real Madrid/Twitter)


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Ilkay Gundogan assures the world he is still alive after weird Man City tribute

When shows of solidarity go too far

(Man City)

Man City midfielder Ilkay Gundogan suffered a knee injury earlier in the week, bringing his first season with the club to a premature end. This has undoubtedly been a difficult situation to process for Gundogan, so before Sunday’s match against Arsenal, his teammates lined up in his №8 shirt as a show of solidarity.

It was a lovely gesture, but it also created a bit of confusion since this level of tribute is usually reserved for someone who suffered a bit more than an injured knee.

Regardless of Gundogan’s status, the desire to honor him seemed to galvanize City, as they came back from a 1–0 halftime deficit to beat Arsenal 2–1. After the match, Gundogan expressed his appreciation on Twitter and also took the opportunity to assure every that he is still alive.

Meanwhile, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain had to come off 13 minutes after entering the match due to a muscle injury, so look for Arsenal to build a statue for him outside the Emirates to try and inspire a Boxing Day win against West Brom.


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“The Post” wins man of the match for West Ham

It’s been that kind of season for the Hammers

(WHUFC)

A 76th-minute penalty from Mark Noble gave West Ham a 1–0 win over Hull City, but according to West Ham supporters, the man of the match wasn’t Noble or any other human being. It was The Post.

From West Ham’s official website:

Prior to their visit to east London, Hull had hit the woodwork three times in 16 matches. On Saturday, they doubled that tally in 90 minutes.

It’s been a difficult season for The Post, with the Hammers’ move to London Stadium, but it’s finding its form at a good time. Now West Ham just have to hope that it doesn’t put in a transfer request when the window opens in January. Rumor has it Man City might put in a bid.


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The strange world of football club Christmas videos

Holiday themed self-promotion can produce some very odd results

Antonio Conte: Overcome with holiday joy

Christmastime: One last frenzy of saccharine enriched consumerism to close out the calendar year. Many baffling sales pitches have been made under the guise of festive celebration, but football clubs seem to have a special knack for producing content of this type. And the holiday season is better for it.

Here are some of the latest examples.

Celtic FC

You know this is going to be unsettling the second Leigh Griffith appears as a tiny elf on a shelf, but when the kid opens the front door to find Brendan Rodgers looking at him like this…


…and doesn’t immediately slam it shut and run away screaming, you know you have entered a universe that has nothing to do with reality. Also, why are they giving this kid an entire shop’s worth of Celtic merchandise to hoard under the stairs? Aren’t there other young fans who would appreciate some of this stuff? Maybe even say “thank you” when a professional footballer magically appears to give him a free gift? Ungrateful little git.

Chelsea FC

Antonio Conte staring into the camera like he wants to murder your ancestors kind of distracts from the misdirect they’re trying to achieve, because by the time they get to everyone playing games and having fun, you’ve already wet yourself, turning your pants the same color as that godawful yellow shirt all the players are wearing.

Barcelona FC

There was a meeting where the following exchange took place:

“OK, our theme is ‘sharing happiness’…what’s the best way to convey that in one minute and 36 seconds?”

“Well what if we have Santa Claus, dressed as a history professor, in a psychiatrist’s office…”

“SAY NO MORE, MIGUEL. THIS IDEA IS ‘SHARING HAPPINESS’ BOILED DOWN TO ITS UNIVERSAL ESSENCE AND WE ARE DOING IT NOW.”

And whoever said, “Wait, isn’t that completely weird?” was overruled and probably fired, leaving them unable to buy gifts for their family this year. The end.

Arsenal FC

This is 100% batshit insane. The accents that sound like something out of an abandoned Pixar film. The continued degradation of Santi Cazorla. The attempt to appeal to Australians with tired caricatures of their own existence. The tacked-on “Merry Christmas” that has nothing to do with anything that just happened. Per Mertesacker trying to start a fire using his own body. The inclusion of a long forgotten Carl Jenkinson.

The fact that this video exists proves that we will never fully understand the universe or the human mind.

Juventus FC

After taking in all of the insanity we have to this point, it’s nice to end with a video that’s actually quite good. Juventus’ pizza loving zebra mascot Jay (OK, but this one is a little insane, too) fulfills a Christmas wish carelessly lost by an elf who may or may not be hopped up on methamphetamine.

To recap, more animated mascots and less creepy managers, please.


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Scottish club feature face of departed supporter in place of shirt sponsor

Airdrieonians FC and their fans pay tribute to an inspirational member of their community

(Airdrieonians FC)

Scottish League One club Airdrieonians FC have a new shirt sponsor: Their own supporters’ trust. The unusual arrangement was struck as a means of honoring Airdrie fan Mark Allison, who died from pancreatic cancer earlier in the year. And now, Allison’s face will grace the club’s kits until the end of the season as part of a “five-figure deal.”

From the club’s official website:

The Trust and Club have agreed that the image of legendary Diamond fundraiser Mark Allison will appear on his beloved Airdrie shirt, a gesture everyone will see fitting. It will also be the first time in world football — as far as we know — that the image of a fan has appeared on a club shirt.

As everyone will know, Mark took great comfort and support from two local organisations — Maggies and St Andrews Hospice — and was a fervent fan and supporter of both these wonderful centres, who cared for him so well during his final months. The Trust have therefore agreed that Trackside Boards and Programme adverts — part of the sponsorship package — will go to both organisations. Programme adverts will also be given to both by the Supporters Trust, and boardroom hospitality will also be donated to both to auction off for funds. Fundraising events are also planned, and it is hoped that more club events can take place at both.

Allison’s friends and family were consulted before the decision was made and proceeds raised from kit sales will go to the charities that Allison himself raised money for before his death. As a result, an initial supply of shirts quickly sold out (for more info on how to purchase one, go here).

Hopefully this becomes a trend that even corporate shirt sponsors embrace. Using this space to celebrate deserving people is something everyone can get behind.


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Player talks referee out of awarding him a penalty in German amateur league

Honesty is the best policy—even when you’re down 2–0


When down 2–0, many footballers would murder Santa Claus for a penalty. But Toni Munoz of German amateur side FC Bocholt has proven himself to be more interested in fair play than sparking a comeback.

After going down in the box when a defender made a blatant attempt to trip him, Munoz was awarded a penalty. The SF Baumberg players vigorously protested the decision, surrounding the ref as Muno casually strolled over and approached the official himself. He pulled the ref aside and shook his head no, apparently arguing that there was no contact and there shouldn’t be a spot kick.

Impressed with this selfless display, the Baumberg players embraced and applauded Munoz. Some high fives were attempted, but Munoz apparently draws the line at high-fiving opponents when he helps protect their lead.

Baumberg went on to win 3–1, perhaps saving Munoz from getting some abuse back in the dressing room.


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Upon meeting his idol, boy with the homemade Messi shirt can’t stop hugging Lionel Messi

And who can blame him?


Way back at the beginning of the year—before we knew that 2016 would be a never-ending funeral march for everyone the world has ever loved—a picture of a young boy wearing a plastic bag fashioned into a makeshift Leo Messi shirt swept through the internet. Social media users united in an effort to identify the boy with the genuine hope of getting a real Messi shirt to him.

(Hamayon Ahmadi/Facebook)

In February, this campaign succeeded and the boy was identified as then five-year-old Murtaza Ahmadi from Afghanistan, bringing to light a series of events so adorable that they will turn you into a puddle of warm goo by the end of this post.

From CNN:

“When he suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night, he starts crying that he wants to go to Messi,” his father, Arif Ahmadi, told CNN from the family’s farm in Jaghori, south-west of Kabul.

Murtaza then started asking his father for a Messi jersey, Ahmadi said.

“I told him that we were living in a poor village far from the city and it was impossible for me to get him the shirt.”

“He kept crying for days asking for the shirt until his brother Hamayon helped him make one from the plastic bag to make him happy.”

UNICEF and Leo Messi ensured that Murtaza’s dream came true by getting an autographed (real) shirt to him, and Murtaza’s response was a perfect and heartwarming cap on a story that seemed to have reached its ideal conclusion.

But this wasn’t the end. Barcelona traveled to Doha, Qatar to play a friendly against Al-Ahly this week and arrangements were made to get Murtaza, now six, and his family to the match so he could meet his hero in person.

Now, if there were any conspiracy theorists who questioned Murtaza’s love of Messi and cynically thought this kid’s parents concocted a plot to get the internet to deliver them a free autographed Messi shirt that they could hawk on eBay, they were shut down when Murtaza proved his devotion by hugging Messi every chance he got.

In the tunnel, during pre-match handshakes—the referee had to pick him up and carry him off the pitch because he wouldn’t let go of Messi, smiling the smile of pure, all consuming joy every step of the way.

Few people have loved anything as much as Murtaza loves Leo Messi and to see him get the chance to express this love is a gift to us all.

And now you are goo.


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