Tag: Bayern Munich

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s expert analysis of the Champions League quarterfinal draw

Gianni Infantino has stopped talking long enough to do the Champions League quarterfinal draw and I must say I am disappointed. First, because UEFA only reduced my ban for that stupid red card against Chelsea to one game instead of wiping it completely and begging for my forgiveness. Second, because they said that my idea to open the draw by using a French referee as a human Zlacrifice to acknowledge that PSG are too good for France was “inappropriate.” And third because I must wait even longer to get my revenge on Pep Guardiola, who gets super lucky again.

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Manuel Neuer hangs out in the center circle during Champions League match

Shakhtar Donetsk’s Olexandr Kucher earned the fastest red card in Champions League history in the third minute of his side’s round of 16 second-leg match against Bayern Munich. So Bayern took this as an unnecessary invitation to run wild, scoring seven goals over the next 84 minutes of play. And with Shakhtar pinned back, Bayern goalkeeper Manuel Neuer took the opportunity to play his favorite position: anywhere he wants.

Bayern’s official Twitter account then wrote Neuer a message from his old friend, the center circle. It reads: “Hello, Manuel Neuer! I’m glad to see that you’ve come to visit me again. Many greetings, The Center Circle.”

Bayern Munich fund 60 operations for children in Ukraine

Bayern Munich begin their Champions League round of 16 tie against Shakhtar Donetsk on Tuesday, but the first leg was moved to Lviv, a Ukrainian city 750 miles away from Donetsk. The decision to move the match came after Shakhtar’s Donbass Arena was damaged by artillery fire amidst the ongoing conflict between Russia and Ukraine.

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Pep Guardiola celebrates goal by hugging fourth official

After getting thumped by Wolfsburg in their first game back from the winter break, Bayern Munich faced another test against Schalke when Jerome Boateng was sent off in just the 17th minute. Despite this disadvantage, Bayern still managed to score first, prompting Pep Guardiola, who decided to wear a blanket around his neck for some reason, to hug the fourth official.

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Borussia Dortmund CEO thinks Bundesliga clubs have stopped trying against Bayern

The Bundesliga returns from its winter break this weekend and Borussia Dortmund CEO Hans-Joachim Watzke is wondering why they even bother. League champions Bayern Munich currently have an 11-point cushion atop the table (while Dortmund sit in the relegation zone, 30 points back) and Watzke is convinced that clubs have stopped trying when they face Bayern.

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Thomas Muller says it’s harder to win in Bayern training sessions than in Bundesliga matches

Since teammate Dante couldn’t take his brand of gentle ribbing about the most painful moment of his life, Thomas Muller has now turned his banter gun to everyone else in the Bundesliga with a statement that isn’t all that surprising, but still hits where it hurts. By saying that Bayern Munich’s training sessions are more difficult than their matches against Bundesliga opposition.

From Sportal:

“We have a very high level in training,” the Germany international told the DPA news agency.

“The defending team are part of Bayern and it is often more difficult to win against our training team than perhaps against a team in the Bundesliga.

“[This is] precisely because the tactical level is identical because, of course, everyone has the same understanding.”

At the top of the table with an 11-point cushion during the winter break, Bayern are once again making easy work of the Bundesliga. If this continues much longer, the German football association might have to create a new top tier where Bayern just play against themselves every week in order to keep things interesting.

Manuel Neuer is apparently omnipotent in FIFA 15

Manuel Neuer has made it his mission to prove to the world that he can do whatever he pleases on the pitch, but as good as he is in real life, he seems to be on another level in FIFA 15.

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Dante asked Thomas Muller to stop making jokes about Germany 7-1 Brazil

We all know people who like to take a joke too far and run into the ground and for Brazilian defender Dante, Bayern Munich teammate Thomas Muller is that person. In the wake of Germany’s 7-1 win against Brazil at last summer’s World Cup — the loss that devastated the host nation and plunged it into a chasm of unending despair and sadness — Muller apparently decided it would be super funny to repeatedly stab Dante in his open wound.

In an interview with Globo, Dante said, “After [Germany] were champions and we came back, Thomas Muller, who always likes to play here and there, made some jokes. Then I came to him and said, ‘We can joke, but for me that’s not cool, it’s not time yet.'”

Dante added that Muller then apologized to him and the jokes about that game ended right there. Or Muller and the rest of the German players just started saving their jokes about it for after he leaves the room.

And now that Dante has made this known, opposing fans in Germany will probably make whatever Muller said to him seem comparatively compassionate.