Tag: Chelsea

Willian breaks the mirror on an Audi during promotional shoot

Earlier this season, Willian told the press that he and Jose Mourinho agreed that he needs to score more goals. Though he’s only been able to match his total of four from last season thus far, he has now surpassed his previous career high for Audi sideview mirrors broken during promotional shoots. So that’s something.

Several Chelsea players were attempting to kick balls into strategically placed Audi TT roadsters and in a tremendous display of his pinpoint accuracy (or lack thereof), Willian busted the driver’s side mirror of one car. His teammates laughed and Loic Remy tried to fix it, but the damage was done.

Though he did get the ball into the car, something tells me that the next time Audi have Chelsea players do something for them, they’ll ask Willian to stay home.

Petr Cech’s expert analysis of Charlie Adam’s 65-yard goal against Chelsea

Though it is fair to say that I, Petr Cech, am a goalkeeping expert, I must admit that I feel unqualified to offer an analysis of Charlie Adam’s goal against Chelsea. I say that because, unlike Tibia Cornwall, I have never conceded a 65-yard goal to Mr. Charles Adam, of all people.

It’s a bit like asking the President of the United States what it’s like to press the button that destroys the whole world in one giant nuclear explosion. He’s never done it, so he just doesn’t know. I’ve never let Charlie Adam score a goal of the season contender from inside his own half, so I have a difficult time comprehending what that level of embarrassment could be like. I can tell you what it’s like to make big saves to help Chelsea win the Champions League final, but this…I’m afraid I just can’t comprehend it.

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The solutions to Chelsea’s “penalty puzzle”

Earlier this week, Chelsea’s official website published an unusual article highlighting the low number of penalties awarded to them this season (spoiler: it’s two).

Filed in the “news” section, the article was simply titled, “Penalty Puzzle,” which seems to imply a link to manager Jose Mourinho’s belief that there is a sinister conspiracy actively working against his team. Because puzzles are purposefully arranged circumstances and not the result of mere coincidence, which is something that doesn’t exist. In fact, that’s probably not even a real word.

During his Friday press conference, Mourinho discussed the article. From the Telegraph:

“Our two closest challengers in the Premier League this season, Manchester City and Arsenal, have both been awarded seven penalties, the most in the division,” said the article. “Last term the two teams that finished above us, Man City and Liverpool, were awarded more penalties than any other team bar us.

“Of course it could be that when teams have played the league leaders they have been particularly careful inside their own area. We all have plenty of recollections suggesting this is not the case however.”

Mourinho went on to say that he thinks it was “a very objective article” and “not an opinion article that can lead to discussions. It’s just the numbers.”

Every puzzle has a solution, though. And this one has several.

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Jose Mourinho offers life advice to Danny Downer journalist

Two days after getting knocked out of the Champions League by PSG, Jose Mourinho faced the press with an eagerness to defend both his players and himself from the heavy criticism they have been receiving. One journalist who was a little too negative for Mourinho’s liking unwittingly prompted the Portuguese to demonstrate his skills as a life coach.

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We live in a terrible world where David Luiz feels the need to apologize for a great moment in his career

David Luiz scored an important and unexpected goal, helping his team advance to the quarterfinals of the Champions League despite being a man down for 90 minutes. Naturally, he celebrated that goal, expressing the pure joy that we all chase, but experience far too rarely. And since this all happened to occur while he was facing his former club and doing so in their stadium, he ended up apologizing for his celebration. Because we live in a miserable world where people feel compelled to apologize for expressions of happiness.

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s player ratings: Chelsea Babies v PSG

Zlatan Ibrahimovic was harshly sent off 31 minutes into the second leg of the Chelsea-PSG Champions League round of 16 tie for a 50-50 challenge with Oscar. Despite being reduced to 10 men, PSG pushed a lackluster Chelsea side to extra time, where they recovered from going a goal down to advance on away goals.

After the match, Zlatan said, “The worst is when I get the red card, all the Chelsea players come around — that, for me, I don’t know, it felt like I had 11 babies around me.”

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Petr Cech consoles Harry Kane after the Capital One Cup final

(Getty)
(Getty)

“Hey, Harry, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about all this. I know it’s tough to lose a cup final. It happens to the best of us, though. See these hands? Even though you couldn’t get a single shot past them today, others have. And when they did, I was just as upset as you are. But look at me now! I’ve won yet another trophy and I couldn’t be happier. Pretty great, isn’t it?

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