Tag: Chelsea

Raheem Sterling and John Terry invent new game during Liverpool-Chelsea match

Chelsea’s defenders couldn’t agree on how to contain Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling in the firs leg of their Capital One Cup semifinal, so they decided to try out a few different things. For example, John Terry went with a fun new game called “surprise wrestling” in which he and Sterling formed some kind of malformed human centipede.

Read more

Leo Messi says he has “no intention” of leaving Barcelona, ruins everything for rumor merchants

First, Barcelona had to go and disrupt the storyline of “Barca are over (for real this time!)” by beating Atletico 3-1 with goals from Neymar, Lionel Messi AND Luis Suarez. Then, after the match, Messi ruined the most pervasive story of the January transfer window by going on Barca TV and stating unequivocally that everything printed about him simultaneously trying to leave the club and run it as an iron-fisted dictator is total bullshit.

Read more

Several likely explanations for Lionel Messi following Chelsea on Instagram

Lionel Messi’s official Instagram account is now following Chelsea FC’s official Instagram account. This is somehow both important news and evidence of something. Since everyone remembers when Messi followed Manchester City on Instagram in March of last year and then immediately joined the club and won 17 trophies with them, including the World Series of Rugby, before returning to Barcelona and pretending it never happened.

Obviously, there are a number of perfectly reasonable explanations for Messi’s sudden interest in Chelsea’s official social media presence. These are a few.

Read more

If it continued… (Spurs v Chelsea)

Spurs gave Chelsea a surprise by coming back from 1-0 down to win 5-3 at White Hart Lane on the first day of the new year. A brace from 21-year-old Harry Kane made him the star as Jose Mourinho stewed in his own conspiracy theories and Chelsea’s defending failed them miserably. This made for a rowdy match and demands that we ask the all-important question: “What if it continued?”

Read more

Conspiracy Theory: Opposing teams actively trying to beat Chelsea

Thanks to Jose Mourinho’s bold commitment to exposing the truth, we have already established that ball boys are conspiring against Chelsea. And after last weekend’s controversy in which Cesc Fabregas was booked for diving when he should have been awarded a decisive penalty in Chelsea’s 1-1 draw at Southampton, he has now revealed that the club’s list of enemies extends far beyond a few snot-nosed kids with complete, unchecked control of the flow of balls onto the pitch.

Read more

West Ham’s Twitter account trolls Jose Mourinho with “19th century football” photoshop

When Jose “I’ll park the bus whenever I want” Mourinho described West Ham’s performance in last season’s 0-0 draw at Stamford Bridge last season as “19th century football,” it made people’s heads cave in under the weight of the hypocrisy.

Read more

DT Exclusive: Jose Mourinho responds to Alan Pardew’s claim that Arsene Wenger is better than him

In a recent defense of Arsene Wenger, Newcastle manager/troll king Alan Pardew declared that the Arsenal boss ranks higher than Jose Mourinho on the list of the best manager in Premier League history (all 22 years of it!). Though this is not an entirely unreasonable assertion, it is one that Jose Mourinho would almost certainly disagree with. So we asked him. Except, you know…not really.

Read more