Tag: Chelsea

If it continued…and thankfully it didn’t (Man Utd v Chelsea)

Manchester United and Chelsea, two clubs with uncertain managerial situations that both exist under the shadow of Jose Mourinho, played a miserable scoreless draw to end the calendar year. Thankfully, the match came to a merciful end that allowed all interested parties to move on with their lives and pursue more fulfilling endeavors. But since we have a masochistic streak here at Dirty Tackle, we feel compelled to ask, “What if it continued?”

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Chelsea fans support Jose Mourinho, react angrily to winning in first match after sacking

With the new braintrust of returning friends of the club Guus Hiddink and Didier Drogba in the stands next to owner Roman Abramovich, Chelsea fans expressed their undying loyalty to ousted manager Jose Mourinho, as well as their frustration with the players who “betrayed” him in the first match after his sacking.

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A complete list of people Jose Mourinho is blaming for Chelsea’s waking nightmare

Chelsea keep losing and Jose Mourinho’s reality is being systematically dismantled around him. For someone who has known only success to suddenly experience endless failure is surely difficult to accept. So in his attempts to make sense of it all, he has blamed a wide variety of individuals. Perhaps even more than when he’s winning.

The following is a complete list of people who are at fault for Chelsea’s current struggles, according to Jose Mourinho.

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Jose Mourinho can’t stop ruining Iker Casillas’ life

Iker Casillas and Porto entered the final day of Champions League group stage play at the top of Group G, thanks in part to a win over Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea back in September. This was a meaningful victory for Casillas, not only because it provided valuable points, but because it gave him a taste of revenge against the man who callously destroyed his idyllic existence at Real Madrid. This moment of satisfaction would prove fleeting, however, as Mourinho ended up losing the battle but winning his endless war on Iker’s happiness.

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Cesc Fabregas has forgotten how to football

Cesc Fabregas’ first few months with Chelsea last season were quite good. Ever since then, he has gotten progressively worse to the point where it’s amazing he hasn’t tried to eat the ball and required the Heimlich maneuver from Kurt Zouma.

Speaking of eating the ball, he tried to force feed it to Willian at a thousand miles per hour during Chelsea’s 0-0 draw with Spurs…

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Jose Mourinho unimpressed with Diego Costa’s bib toss

Jose Mourinho and the shell of the footballer known as Diego Costa reportedly got into a verbal altercation at halftime of Chelsea’s 4-0 win against Maccabi Tel Aviv in the middle of the week, but Mourinho claimed after the match that the two made up with “kisses and cuddles.” Which can only be code for fighting each other until their bodies could no longer function due to blood loss.

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Jose Mourinho just wants to win so young Chelsea fans don’t get bullied

Chelsea finally won a match, beating Dynamo Kiev 2-1 with a superb Willian free kick in the 83rd minute. It was a win Jose Mourinho desperately needed, as reports of him only having a match or two left before he gets sacked intensify. And though fans at Stamford Bridge chanted his name and showed their support for him throughout the game, Mourinho made it clear afterwards that his thoughts are with the kids in this difficult time.

Said Mourinho (via the Telegraph):

“It’s easy for kids to go to school in a Chelsea shirt when Chelsea win every match. It’s not easy for 11 or 12-year-old kids to go to school with a Chelsea shirt when Chelsea are losing matches, when probably they are bullied by other kids whose teams are winning.”

With Arsenal losing 5-1 to Bayern, it’s probably not the Chelsea kids who have to worry about getting laughed at this week.