You’re dumb. And because you’re dumb, you’re going to fight me for saying that you’re dumb and then you’re the one who is going to get in trouble for fighting because that’s how dumb you are.
You’re dumb, fight me by Diego Costa
Tag: Chelsea
Jose Mourinho does product placement for Google during press conference
Jose Mourinho is getting pointed questions from journalists and he doesn’t know why. As he says, he is still the champion of England (he — not his club — just him) despite Chelsea’s terrible start this season and others (ahem, ARSENE WENGER) have gotten much softer treatment, in his eyes, over much longer periods of underachievement.
“Some manager can’t be in difficult situations five, six, seven, 10 years and I am the current champion of England, why should I be in trouble?” he asked reporters at his press conference ahead of Chelsea’s Champions League opener against Maccabi Tel Aviv. “Why? I think that’s a good question and you don’t know what to answer.”
He then addressed the issue of what has been dubbed his “third season syndrome” where he either doesn’t stick around for one or underachieves if he does stay in a given job that long. Naturally, he sees this trend quite differently.
“My third season at Porto, I didn’t have a third season,” he said. “My third season in Inter, I didn’t have a third season. My third season at Chelsea the first time, I won the FA Cup and the Carling Cup and I played a Champions League semifinal. The third season in Real Madrid, I won the Super Cup, I lost the cup final, and I went to the Champions League semifinal. These are my third seasons. So click Google instead of make stupid question. Click Google and try to find.”
And it only got better from there. (Watch the video above for the full back and forth with the reporter who raised the issue.)
It’s unclear how much Google paid for this brilliant bit of product placement, but “Click Google instead of make stupid question” is a bold new slogan for the company.
Muhamed Besic’s hamstring joins campaign against Chelsea
Chelsea were all set to win at Everton and get their season on track after the international break. For nine minutes, the Toffees were completely shut down by Chelsea. Had it gone on for just a bit longer, they probably would have quit and handed Chelsea the three points just to avoid further frustration.
But then, in that moment of desperation, Muhamed Besic conveniently “injured his hamstring” and was replaced by Steven Naismith, a player nearly sold on transfer deadline day, who went on to score twice in five minutes and completed his hat trick in the second half. This gave Everton a shocking 3-1 win and Chelsea their third loss in five matches this season.
Will Ferrell urges Jose Mourinho to “keep playing defense, man”
At the end of a manic acceptance speech upon being named Comedian of the Year at the GQ Awards in London, Will Ferrell called out Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho and urged him to “Keep playing defense, man. Keep playing defense.”
“Seven guys in the box — I love it,” Ferrell joked.
Mourinho was the recipient of the GQ Editor’s Special Award, because obviously. Here you can see how thrilled he was to be there…
Pedro scores on his Chelsea debut, Falcao declares it “Great, if you like that sort of thing”
Pedro scored and assisted Diego Costa’s first goal of the season within the first half hour of Chelsea’s 3-2 win at West Brom. It was a dream debut for the ex-Barca man and it inspired his new club to their first win of the season despite playing with 10 men after John Terry was sent off in the 54th minute.
If it continued… (Man City v Chelsea)
After a full week of medical staff controversy, Chelsea lost 3-0 to Man City in a match that had them on their heels from the opening seconds. The result marked the first time since 1998 that Chelsea failed to two either of their first two Premier League matches of the season and emphasized the club’s need for further investment.
Still, Jose Mourinho insisted that Chelsea were the better team in the second half, despite conceding twice in the final 11 minutes after a Ramires goal was wrongly disallowed for offside. “The best team in the first half won the game. The best team in the second half was Chelsea, for sure. We had a difficult first half. We didn’t create a lot and our goalkeeper made a few important saves. If the 1-0 was a doubtful result at minute 70, 3-0 is completely fake,” he said.
So if this result was “fake,” we have an obligation to ask “What if it continued?”
Jose Mourinho refuses to apologize for the media’s singling out of Eva Carneiro
Jose Mourinho flipped out when physiotherapist Jon Fearn and first team doctor/assistant medical director Eva Carneiro ran onto the pitch late in Chelsea’s 2-2 home draw with Swansea in their season opener to treat Eden Hazard. Mourinho thought they were impulsively costing the team another player as Chelsea desperately sought a winning goal despite playing with 10 men, since Hazard would have to leave the pitch to be treated once they emerged.
Jose Mourinho, Thibaut Courtois, Chelsea medical staff join campaign against Jose Mourinho
Despite being the victim of a vast conspiracy involving everyone from referees to ball boys, Jose Mourinho still led Chelsea to their third Premier League title together and first since his return to the club. Naturally, attempts to destroy someone do not end simply because they fail. Instead, they in scope and complexity. And after the first match of the season, this is already evident.
Falcao’s ongoing career is a shared hallucination we are all perpetuating
For the last two years, the once exceptional Radamel Falcao has been a ghost floating through Manchester United, the Colombian national team, and now Chelsea. His utterly forgettable appearance in the second half of the Community Shield was a continuation of his goalless Copa America (in which he was replaced by Jackson Martinez for the quarterfinal, even though he was the team’s captain) and his disappointing season with Man United (in which he was dropped to the U-21 squad at one point).
Though there have been many high profile strikers who have suffered long periods of vanishing form, few have been anywhere near as anonymous as Falcao has been during this period. He hasn’t had the spectacular misses of Fernando Torres or the controversies of Mario Balotelli. It’s almost like he’s not even there. And that’s because he isn’t.
Jose Mourinho narrowly avoids Arsene Wenger, throws runners-up medal into the crowd after Community Shield
Arsene Wenger walks on by. Jose Mourinho and Wenger (in white shirt and red tie) hate each other. #CommunityShield pic.twitter.com/aBtb1wfkpg
— Omar Moore (@popcornreel) August 2, 2015
It took 14 tries, but Arsene Wenger finally beat Jose Mourinho, albeit in the Community Shield by a score of 1-0. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain gave Arsenal the lead in the 24th minute and Wenger then beat Mourinho with his own game plan by parking the bus for the remainder of the match while Petr Cech made several fine saves to retain a clean sheet against his former club.
After Chelsea collected their runners-up medals, Mourinho, who came to Wembley dressed for a training session at a high school while Wenger opted for a more formal look, waited at the bottom of the steps for the Arsenal players. Read more