Helpless mascot punished for Barcelona's failings.
Tag: Coutinho
Coutinho agrees to give Liverpool five more years of unfulfilled hope
Club eager to continue perpetual trend of dreams followed by disappointment
Philippe Coutinho has agreed to a five-year contract extension with Liverpool, reportedly making him the club’s highest paid player and fueling hopes of future successes that will inevitably be squashed.
“I am very happy to sign a new contract here,” said the 24-year-old Brazilian. “Everyone here always believes it will be the year that we do big things and when we don’t, they just say the same thing about the next year. It’s a wonderful atmosphere.”
“I could go to another club where they win more trophies, but those clubs always have people who doubt you when things go wrong. At Liverpool, everyone always believes in the team, even when they really shouldn’t. I appreciate how rare that is.”
To further prove their intent to maintain the status quo of disappointment, Liverpool were eliminated by Southampton in the EFL Cup semifinal hours after announcing Coutinho’s new deal—marking the first time Jurgen Klopp has lost a semifinal in his managerial career.
“With Coutinho staying put, I’m certain that we can not win many titles that we probably should for years to come,” said Klopp, while doing something endearing that distracts from his less than stellar record.
When reached for comment, former Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers, who first brought Coutinho to the club, said, “They hand out winner’s medals like candy in Scotland. It’s outstanding!”
Kaka’s inclusion in Brazil squad shows marketers still in control of the team
Orlando City midfielder Kaka has been called up to the Brazilian national team for a pair of friendlies against Costa Rica and the United States, making him the first MLS player to get a Brazil call-up.
Good for him, right? With nine goals in 22 appearances, he’s been playing well and Brazil manager Dunga justified the decision by explaining the need for experience. From ESPN FC:
“Kaka is a reference, like Robinho before him,” Dunga said during his news conference, stressing the need for youth and experience. “He gives us experience and maturity when times are difficult, when we need it off the field and on.
“We need to bring in young players to give them experience and have older players there to help them.”
But what makes the decision suspicious is the fact that 33-year-old Kaka, who has great memories but little future with the team, replaces 23-year-old Liverpool midfielder Coutinho, who could be vital to Brazil’s future. And there’s the coincidence that both matches will be played in the U.S., where Kaka is a far bigger draw than Coutinho, especially now that he plays in MLS and is coming off an MVP performance in the league’s All-Star Game.
Sadly, this information falls into line with the recent investigation by Brazilian journalist Jamil Chade that revealed the contractual influence of marketing firm ISE on team selection, removing all concern for player development in favor of pure profit generation.
It’s not just business interests damaging Brazil, though. Dunga is ensuring that personal biases play a role, too. He also excluded Thiago Silva, whom he stripped of the captaincy upon returning to the job, in favor of 24-year-old Arsenal bench warmer Gabriel Paulista.
So if you’re still wondering how a nation with so much talent can disappoint at major tournaments like Brazil have been doing in recent years, here’s your answer.
Pele learns how to play FIFA 14, finds it hilarious
Santos TV had the brilliant idea of sitting down club legends Pele, who is 74 years old, and Coutinho, who is 71, and having play FIFA 14 against each other. This was brilliant because neither of them had any idea how to play the game.