Tag: Dani Alves

Leo Messi announces he will be “super angry” if Alves and Higuain win Champions League without him

The duo have helped Juventus to the Champions League final and Messi is not pleased

(Dani Alves/Instagram)

Leo Messi has warned former Barcelona teammate Dani Alves and Argentina teammate Gonzalo Higuain that he will be more angry than he has ever been in his life if they win the Champions League with Juventus.

The Italian club reached the Champions League final by beating Monaco 4–1 on aggregate, thanks to two goals from Higuain in the first leg and a goal and an assist from Alves in the second. Both players joined Juventus this season, Higuain in a €90 million transfer from Napoli and Alves on a free transfer from Barcelona.

“If they win the Champions League, I swear…” Messi told reporters, shaking his head. “I don’t even know what I’ll do. I’ll be super angry. I’ll probably punch a balloon. Maybe two of them.”

Messi’s frustration stems from the fact that Barcelona did not keep Alves, instead freeing him to sign with the club that would eliminate them from the Champions League quarterfinals. His frustration with Higuain, meanwhile, is a result of the striker’s lackluster performances in the three major cup finals Argentina have reached in recent years, losing in all of them.

“I can’t believe Barca were stupid enough to let Dani leave,” Messi continued. “He’s showing how much he brings to a team. I hope the English media write more stories about me joining Man City just to spite Barca for this. For the record, I’m not going to leave, though. All my stuff is here, so I can’t. I mean, I might. But I won’t. And Higuain—he’s just playing well to mess with me. I know it. But what did I ever do to him? Besides that one time I didn’t invite him to my birthday party every year.”

Asked if he will watch the Champions League final, Messi said, “No. I’m just going to sit outside with my leg over my giant dog until it’s over.”

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Dani Alves is kicking open beer bottles

Dani Alves has left Barcelona after eight tremendously successful years with the club to join Italian champions Juventus and to celebrate, he’s kicking the caps off of beer bottles.

Why is he doing this? Well, why does Dani Alves do anything that Dani Alves does? It’s not a question that can be answered. Just enjoy his zest for life and be thankful he’s not putting his foot to the beer that may or may not be in your hand right now.

Dani Alves prepares for the Champions League final by being weird on an escalator

The day before the Champions League final is an important and nerve-wracking day for the participating players. It’s their chance to make their final preparations before the most important match of their season. Or, in Dani Alves’ case, work on a pre-match intimidation routine that will ensure that no one wants to ride the escalator with him.

Dani Alves: Master of the game before the game.

Lionel Messi’s first Copa del Rey final goal was as stunning as Dani Alves’ haircut

Lionel Messi opened the scoring in the Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Athletic Bilboa with a typically spectacular solo goal in which he completely baffled four or five defenders along the way. He later help set up Neymar to score Barca’s second goal before halftime.

Meanwhile, Dani Alves decided that this was a proper occasion to present his personal tribute to the poop emoji.

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Leo Messi is the designated driver for the Clasico afterparty

A photo posted by Nj (@neymarjr) on

Barcelona beat Real Madrid 2-1 at the Camp Nou and judging by Neymar’s post-match Instagram photo, the Barca players celebrated the result by putting on their most ridiculous clubbing attire and piling into Uncle Leo Messi’s minivan for a night on the town.

Dani Alves wore his gold shoes, Neymar a red leather jacket, Adriano had on a denim one with gaudy cuff flair, Rafinha decided to be a hitman, and Douglas was a cross between Carlton Banks and a nightclub owner. Then there was Messi, who looked like he was dressed by his mother — perhaps fitting since he has a tattoo of her face on his shoulder.

Anyway, it’s good to see that the boys had a designated driver for the evening. And that Uncle Leo isn’t just sitting home with his Lego collection.

Neymar and Dani Alves play fun game of “kick Luis Suarez” during Barcelona training session

Though Luis Suarez has become an important member of Barcelona’s squad in his first season with the club, there’s something about him that remains distinctly…kickable. Teammates Neymar and Dani Alves demonstrated this during a recent training session.

This was surely just a bit of playfulness between teammates, but if Barca are looking for a new revenue stream, they could start charging members of the general public to play this game, too. They would never need a Qatari shirt sponsor again.