Jose Mourinho has left his house. He could be going to sign his Manchester United contract. Or to buy a gift for Louis van Gaal, his dear friend whose job he specifically campaigned for over the last six consecutive months. Is he thinking about which players he will sign? He’s probably contemplating which players he’ll sell. Or maybe he’s thinking about the players he will buy and then sell!
Tag: Dirty Tackle
John Terry is living life to its fullest
With a miserable season behind him and one last hard fought Chelsea contract extension now signed, John Terry is enjoying life and sharing this enjoyment with his Instagram followers. Above is video of a smiling Terry ziplining with his wife in Dubai, set to R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly.” If this doesn’t inspire Chelsea to a treble next season, I don’t know what will.
Neymar is clearly unsettled by his wax figure
Neymar got to meet his Madame Tussauds wax figure for a promotional photoshoot and the experience did not seem to sit well with the Brazilian. Throughout their time together, the real Neymar kept inspecting every inch of his inanimate double.
He compared tattoos, felt the tongue and eyeballs, petted the hair. And he wasn’t laughing as he did this. It wasn’t playful curiosity. It was a meticulous inspection. He seemed genuinely concerned about the existence of this identical replica of himself.
The figure will be displayed in Orlando, Florida. Unless Neymar destroys it so it can’t come to life, kill him, and continue on as him with no one noticing the difference. Laugh if you want, but that’s exactly what happened to Pele in 1973.
Andrea Pirlo’s guide to improving American soccer
In a recent interview, NYCFC midfielder Andrea Pirlo offered his views on youth development in the United States and how that impacts the quality of play at the professional level.
From Reuters:
“What I’m talking about is actually a system or culture. I don’t mean that the level of technical skills are low. I just mean there is a cultural void that needs to be filled,” Pirlo told Reuters at an MLS promotional event in Manhattan.
The Italian, who turned 37 on Thursday, said Americans who play soccer at college are already behind in terms of their development when compared with European peers. […]
“[In Europe] they pick them and they train them in much more than just running,” he said. “They train them in stopping the ball. Here that doesn’t happen.
“So when a young man becomes a professional in the United States he still has some gaps that need to be filled when playing on the field.”
As far as his personal U.S. experience, Pirlo said he has adjusted to the new environment and found the level of play quite physical, which he attributed to how players evolve in the U.S. system.
“It’s a very hard league to play in. It’s very physical, there’s a lot of running. So there is a lot of physical work and to me, in my mind, too little play,” said Pirlo.
So how would Pirlo fix these systematic issues? Here are his steps to developing a more cultured game…
Bayern celebration turns into player talent show
Bayern took their trophy haul to Munich’s central square and the pilot episode of Bayern’s Got Talent broke out.
First, Jerome Boateng did some beatboxing while a woman stood nearby, awkwardly holding a giant glass boot full of beer. Next up, Philipp Lahm and Thomas Müller did a duet. And finally, Franck Ribery made spaceship noises.
The crowd then sang Happy Birthday to Arturo Vidal and, rounding out the randomness, outgoing manager Pep Guardiola said a few words while holding a glass of white wine.
This is what happens when you do this every year and run out of ideas on how to entertain the thousands of people below.
The coordinated character assassination of Louis van Gaal
Manchester United won their first trophy since the 2013 retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson on Saturday, edging out Crystal Palace 2-1 in extra time with 10-men to lift the FA Cup. It had been 12 years since Man United last won the FA Cup. Wayne Rooney, a player who has seemingly won everything there is to win with the club, had never won this trophy until now.
This joyous occasion created a bit of a problem, though. Round 9,377 of “Jose Mourinho to Man United confirmed!” reports was already winding its way through the media like the latest updates from the boy who cried wolf as Louis van Gaal was proudly showed off his fourth domestic cup in as many countries. Though Mourinho replacing Van Gaal, who still has a year left on his contract, has seemed like a foregone conclusion for months, the image of Van Gaal celebrating like it was his birthday party while everyone treated it like his funeral is one that Man United and/or Mourinho’s representatives likely didn’t appreciate.
Appearances aside, the FA Cup did little to sweeten an otherwise grueling season in which Man United finished outside of Champions League qualification and with their lowest number of goals scored in the Premier League era (49). But some people care about appearances. And those people apparently felt that something had to be done.
Zlatan after final PSG match: “I came, I saw, I conquered”
Just as he did in his final match at the Parc des Princes, Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored twice in the Coupe de France final to help PSG complete the domestic quadruple with a 4-2 win over Marseille.
Pep Guardiola weeps after winning DFB Pokal in final match with Bayern
Bayern Munich beat Borussia Dortmund on penalties in the DFB Pokal final to seal the domestic double and send Pep Guardiola off to Man City on a river of tears.
The cringe-filled lowlights of the 2016 FA Cup final
The 2016 FA Cup final was always going to be a strange one. Crystal Palace, led by Alan Pardew and his outsized self-regard against Man United, led by dead man walking Louis van Gaal (while Jose Mourinho redecorates his office back in Manchester). But the oddities began well before kickoff.
Antonio Conte bans all that is delicious (plus carrots) ahead of Euro 2016
Italy manager Antonio Conte, who is apparently more monster than man, has decided to ban his players from eating anything that tastes good (plus carrots) as they prepare for Euro 2016.
From Football Italia:
According to La Stampa newspaper, he will get the Azzurri ready for Euro 2016 by banning snacks, pasta (apart from that made from Khorasan wheat, also known as Kamut), grissini, pizza and sweets.
Carrots are also on the negative list due to their sugar content.
Coverciano and the training camp mini-bars will have no supply of ice cream, crisps or croissants.
Clearly the man has learned nothing from Claudio Ranieiri. And a carrot ban seems misguided at best.
Anyway, this policy will likely get Italy eliminated in the group stage since all of their players will wish they are dead.