Just before Newcastle’s desperately important Premier League match against Man City, the embattled club had yet another new face in the manager’s chair: Moussa Sissoko’s young son.
Tag: Dirty Tackle
Manuel Pellegrini is blaming all the bad stuff on Pep Guardiola
Since Pep Guardiola was prematurely announced as Man City’s next manager, current manager Manuel Pellegrini has led the club to a Capital One Cup title and their first ever Champions League semifinal appearance. But City’s Premier League title challenge has faltered since then, so Pellegrini has decided to make selective use of his Guardiola excuse.
The Lionel Messi of pitch invaders makes incredible run to reach his goal
Too many footballers to count have been compared to Lionel Messi over the years, but this pitch invader at a Spartak Moscow match truly deserves the title.
Jurgen Klopp and Liverpool players do famous movies lines
I have no idea why Jurgen Klopp and a bunch of his players were asked to recite famous movie lines in front of a camera, but they were and the world is better off for it.
Some takeaways:
-I would watch a remake of any of these films starring Mamadou Sakho.
-Jordan Henderson and James Milner have the acting skills of a cardboard box.
-Klopp is the German Jim Carrey.
-Joe Allen looks like someone you would meet in an LA acting class.
-Please put Mamadou Sakho in a movie.
Didier Drogba scores backheels when he wants
Six minutes into his first appearance of the MLS season, Didier Drogba scored a 56th-minute backheel equalizer against Chicago. Drogba’s debut was delayed by his refusal to play on turf in order to preserve his 38-year-old knees and almost didn’t happen at all as considered retiring to join Guus Hiddink’s coaching staff at Chelsea back in December.
FC Kansas City fans spot typo on championship rings
A close-up of the new hardware. #QU3ST #FCKC #NWSL pic.twitter.com/SpbgiODs2n
— FC Kansas City (@FCKansasCity) April 17, 2016
The championship ring is a longstanding tradition in American sports that has seeped its way into the country’s professional soccer leagues. So, as reigning champions of the National Women’s Soccer League, FC Kansas City received their rings before their first match of the new season. And as this proud moment unfolded on the pitch, the club’s Twitter account showed off the ring each player was receiving, allowing followers of the account to spot a problem: the rings say “NSWL” instead of “NWSL.”
Text messages from Roman Abramovich
A melancholy Roman Abramovich was caught on camera with his texting finger hovering over his phone as his Chelsea put on a dismal performance in a 3-0 loss to Man City. These are his texts.
DT Exclusive: The Jurgen Klopp halftime team talk that inspired a miracle
Liverpool conceded two goals in the first 10 minutes of the second leg of their Europa League quarterfinal against Borussia Dortmund, replacing the melodically vibrant pre-match unity at Anfield with a familiar gust of dejection. The scoreline held until halftime and Dortmund’s progression seemed like a foregone conclusion, but then something incredible happened. Liverpool scored four times in the second half, with the last two goals coming from Mamadou Sakho and Dejan Lovren, of all people, to win 4-3 and advance on an aggregate score of 5-4.
The Liverpool players later credited the unbelievable turnaround to Jurgen Klopp’s halftime team talk. The following is a transcript of what Klopp told his players in the dressing room during the break.
How to tell when Barcelona are actually in crisis
Barcelona were eliminated from the Champions League by Atletico Madrid for the second time in three years and have now lost three of their last four matches. This has prompted an all too familiar round of “BARCELONA IN TROUBLE” alarmism that past experience has proven is rarely warranted. So how is one to tell when we’re actually in the midst of a true Barcapocalypse? Here’s a handy guide…
Zlatan Ibrahimovic generously gives Champions League trophy to less fortunate footballers on purpose
Hello, I am still Zlatan.
Many footballers talk about the charitable work they do. Some give money, others give time, but every year I give the greatest gift of all to groups of fellow players who are not fortunate enough to be Zlatan or work with Zlatan. That gift is the Champions League trophy.
Every year I win many trophies for myself and my teammates. This makes me a champion. Therefore, every league that I am in is a champions league. So that means I have won the champions league many, many times. As a result, I feel that I must also give something away to the poor bastards who oppose me — something that is big and the best, like Zlatan. Because that’s how Zlelfless I am.
Now you are probably thinking “But, All-Powerful Zlatan, this means you also giving lucky fraud Pep Guardiola the opportunity to win the Champions League!” This is missing the point. I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. I spend all my time thinking about how I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. What I am actually doing is giving his players the chance to win the Champions League because, as someone who Zluffered through working with him myself, I know how much they deserve it for having to endure his stupidity.
My critics and Zlaters always point to the fact that I have not won the Champions League as evidence that I am not as great as I am. So now that I have revealed the reason for this, I hope they feel bad about everything they have ever done. Their quiet shame will be an acceptable apology to me.
Though Man City did not truly deserve to beat PSG, I hope that Manuel Pellegrini can win the Champions League title I so generously bequeathed because I would find it Zlilarious if another man prematurely replaced by Pep Guardiola — a terrible manager who I am still not thinking about — won this trophy before Pep takes his job and proves he cannot do the same thing. And if Pellegrini can’t do it, then I hope Simeone wins it since he will be the top general in my intergalactic army one day.
So to recap: I have won the champions league many times, but I don’t win the Champions League on purpose out of the kindness of my Zleart, I only care about Pep Guardiola just enough to hate him more than anyone else in the world, I am going to conquer the universe with General Simeone, and if anyone mentions how I haven’t won the Champions League again, I will kick them in the pancreas so hard that it will turn into a giraffe.
The Zlend.