Tag: Dirty Tackle

What is Cristiano Ronaldo looking at?

Prior to the first leg of Real Madrid’s Champions League quarterfinal against Wolfsburg, Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured with a wild-eyed look on his face that was rather alarming. Here are some possible sights that prompted this reaction…

-Rafa Benitez sitting on Real Madrid’s bench.

-A hot tub full of hair gel.

-A future where Real Madrid follow up a win against Barcelona with a 2-0 loss to Wolfsburg in which Marcelo makes himself a laughingstock.

-Karim Benzema telling him he has his sex tape.

-Karim Benzema driving his car.

-Karim Benzema doing pretty much anything.

-The leprechaun from the movie Leprechaun.

-A glass of red wine that was just placed at the very edge of a table above his expensive new carpet.

-His inept twin brother Barry Ronaldo.

-A stack of waffles the size of an above ground pool.

-The advertisements in which he’s promoted strange Japanese products.

-His son wearing a Messi shirt.

Injured Frank De Boer running Ajax training sessions from badass motorized tricycle

Ajax manager Frank De Boer tore his achilles tendon while playing foot tennis against his players a few weeks ago, making it difficult for him to get around ever since. As a result, overseeing training sessions became a problem, so Ajax have sorted him out with a super cool motorized tricycle to give him a level of stylish mobility that would make any manager jealous.

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Losing to Wolfsburg inflicts physical pain on Marcelo

Wolfsburg shocked the world by beating Real Madrid 2-0 in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal and no one felt the pain of that upset more than Marcelo. The frustrated Real Madrid defender tried to be sneaky with a kick at goal scorer Maximilian Arnold before setting up for a free kick. When Arnold then stepped up to Marcelo as he bent over to place the ball, Marcelo headbutted him in the chest and fell over holding his face.

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Andrea Pirlo disappointed with the quality of shampoo in the U.S.

Andrea Pirlo was voted as having the best hair on NYCFC, which naturally warranted an interview conducted by teammate Mikey Lopez. This interview presented a chance to see that Pirlo’s English has reached the point where he is now able to disparage the quality of shampoo in the United States.

Usually when players go to MLS from other parts of the world, they are quick to highlight the quality of life as a major reason for their move, but this warning about the substandard shampoo could prompt other Serie A stars to stay away.

If MLS commissioner Don Garber wants to fulfill his promise of making the league one of the best in the world, he’s going to have to do something about this shampoo situation.

Relegation bound Aston Villa remove the word “Prepared” from their badge

(Aston Villa)
(Aston Villa)

As a waking nightmare of a season nears its merciful end, Aston Villa decided that now was the time to change their badge in preparation for relegation. Speaking of which, the word “PREPARED” is noticeably absent from the new badge. While most would assume this is simply a correction based on their lack of preparedness all season, the club offered some other reasons.

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Goalkeeper saves penalty without even realizing it

I have no idea what kind of sorcery the goalkeeper uses to keep this penalty out during a match between Gloria and Internacional in Brazil and neither does he. This is some Jason Bourne “my body just does this and I don’t know why but now you’re dead” type stuff.

If anything, this is more terrifying than a goalkeeper who consciously stops penalties because you can’t deceive a goalkeeper who does his best work when he’s been deceived. Fear him.

Video via Ryan Lloyd

How to get Chelsea players to like you, their new manager

So you’ve been hired to be Chelsea’s newest manager. Congratulations! There are only a few dozen people every year who get to experience this honor. Now that you have the job, your primary focus undoubtedly moves to keeping the players happy. After all, these are Chelsea players — a group known to mercilessly chew up and spit out managers who dare to upset them. Even successful ones they once loved.

Getting them to like you (and keeping it that way) won’t be easy, but here are some tips to help you make it happen:

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Hoffenheim v Cologne was one big gum fight

It started with Hoffenheim’s Eduardo Vargas and Philipp Ochs putting Vargas’ chewed up gum behind the ear of the player who failed to keep the ball in the air during the pre-match warm-ups. This is gross enough.

But late in the match, Cologne’s sporting director, Jörg Schmadtke got in on the gum play by throwing his at Hoffenheim manager Julian Nagelsmann.

From the Guardian:

The incident happened after Hoffenheim equalised in the 90th minute through Kevin Volland while Cologne’s Lukas Klünter was lying injured on the pitch. Schmadtke and the coach, Peter Stöger, jumped up in fury before the former took a chewing gum out of his mouth and threw it in the direction of the 28-year-old Nagelsmann.

The chewing gum missed but Schmadtke still apologised afterwards. “Yes, I threw it. It was a reaction. I have already phoned up the Hoffenheim sporting director, Alexander Rosen, and apologised. I am sorry.”

Everyone just needs to keep their gum in their mouths from now on. Deal?