Confident that his skills have diminished enough to play for the Colorado Rapids, 37-year-old Tim Howard has announced that he will leave Everton at the end of the season and return to MLS after 13 years in the Premier League. And he did this with a claymation video set to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”…as you do.
Tag: Dirty Tackle
Lionel Messi hits woman with errant shot
الـMILF من المادريغال pic.twitter.com/IiP3m6lBKk
— سَيِدُكُمُ آي نَعَم (@iRaufex) March 20, 2016
Barcelona’s war on fans continued during their match against Villarreal on Sunday when a Lionel Messi shot went over the bar and hit a woman in the hand.
Thomas Müller doesn’t want Xabi Alonso to be cold
After playing 120 minutes in Bayern’s incredible comeback against Juventus and being scarred for life by Pep Guardiola threatening to cut his balls off on Wednesday, Thomas Müller was given the day off Saturday as the Bundesliga leaders faced Cologne. As a result, his focus went from scoring goals to caring for his teammates on the bench.
When Xabi Alonso came off in the second half, Müller was there to tenderly wrap him in a coat so he wouldn’t get cold.
“Karim Benzema never did that for me,” Xabi thought.
DTotD: Robert Huth gets his shirt pulled off his body, referee isn’t bothered
Some fans get upset when players decide to swap shirts at halftime, but I think it’s fair to say that an involuntary undressing during a match is far worse.
On a corner kick during a Leicester’s 1-0 win against Crystal Palace, Scott Dann pulled Robert Huth’s shirt clean off his body. And yet, the referee didn’t think there was any problem with it, despite the Leicester defender’s protests.
Arsene Wenger suggests the Premier League is the new Champions League
From the man who brought you the fourth place trophy concept comes a new thesis of defeatism that’s sure to provide Arsenal fans with zero comfort after losing to Barcelona in the Champions League. A club Wenger says are “more beatable than ever before.” Seriously.
From ESPN FC:
“Maybe the Premier League has become the Champions League for English teams. Because every game is so difficult in the Premier League that maybe we suffer a bit in Europe,” Wenger said. “Barcelona can walk through their games before they play against us. They played on Saturday afternoon with a team that after 20 minutes was 3-0 up. … They can select a little bit how much they go for it. In the Premier League you cannot.”
If a Premier League club had Lionel Messi, Neymar, and Luis Suarez at their disposal, maybe they could walk through their games, too.
But yes, Arsene, the reason Arsenal haven’t gotten past the Champions League round of 16 in seven years is because Watford might be better than Espanyol and not because your injury plagued team consistently underperforms while you hoard more cash than any other club in the world.
If Spurs finish ahead of Arsenal this season, look for Wenger to say something even lamer like “everyday we’re alive is like finishing in first place.” Might as well call him the limbo king because he keeps pushing that bar lower and lower.
Claudio Ranieri dubs himself “The Sausageman,” is the best
Claudio Ranieri has gone from being someone many people thought would be the first Premier League manager sacked this season to inspiring his team to an improbable, pizza inspired title run in his first year on the job. And now he has the greatest nickname in the game.
Future News: Marouane Fellaini admits belief that opponents’ heads are filled with candy
Manchester United midfielder/desperation striker Marouane Fellaini has admitted to a long-held belief that opposing footballers’ heads are filled with candy, prompting his intense desire to elbow it free. His teammates informed him that this isn’t the case after losing to rivals Liverpool by an aggregate score of 3-1.
“Ever since I first saw a piñata, I have always been convinced that my opponents heads also contain sweet, delicious candy,” said Fellaini, who was booked for elbowing Liverpool defender Dejan Lovren in the second leg of the tie. “I like candy. I like candy a lot. But when I tried to bring a large stick onto the pitch for a match, they wouldn’t let me. So ever since I’ve just tried to bash their heads open with my elbows so the candy can come out and I can have it.”
The Belgian added: “I’ve had teammates try to convince me that this isn’t true in the past, but I never believed them. I just thought they were trying to keep more candy for themselves. But I now accept that this isn’t the case and I apologize for trying to elbow the non-existent candy out of opposing players for so long.”
Though Fellaini has backed off of this belief, he says that he has developed a new theory about embattled Man United manager Louis van Gaal.
“Van Gaal’s head has to be filled with candy,” Fellaini said. “Of that I am certain. I mean, it’s the only way you can explain all of this — me playing as a striker, the things he says, the players he’s brought in. If that’s not the mark of a man with candy for brains, then I don’t know what is.”
Asked if he will now stop elbowing opponents in the head after coming to terms with the truth and apologizing for his actions, Fellaini said, “What? No. Why would I?”
Spurs hook up Dele Alli and Kyle Walker to interrogation/torture device
The endless pursuit of official club YouTube content has driven Spurs to the extreme of having Kyle Walker and Dele Alli play a “game” in which they hold their hand on a device that gives them an electric shock when they lie. This almost certainly violates U.K. labor laws, but it didn’t stop them from doing it.
The boys managed to go without a shock until Alli was asked who the best defender on the team is. His mouth said “Kyle Walker,” but the shock said “Toby Alderweireld.”
Stay tuned next week when Spurs TV has Harry Kane and Hugo Lloris play Russian roulette.
Nike launches new home and away kits for U.S., England, France, Brazil, and more
Nike unveiled the new home and away kits for nine national teams at day two of their Innovation for Everybody event in New York City, including the first to carry the U.S.’s new crest.
Barcelona prepare for Arsenal by training against random children
Barcelona took two big away goals from the first leg of their Champions League round of 16 tie against Arsenal, leaving them in good position going into Wednesday’s second leg. Still, preparations must be made and proper training must be done to ensure that they are ready to finish off their opponents. With that in mind, Barcelona trained against three children who invaded their session on Tuesday.