All set for a 2,400 mile journey to Columbus. ???? #OnwardRoseCity #RCTID pic.twitter.com/V1wJo14Mjw
— Portland Timbers (@TimbersFC) December 3, 2015
The Portland Timbers will face the Columbus Crew in the MLS Cup final and since Columbus will host the match, they’ve made some pointed additions to the prohibited items list for Mapfre Stadium.
It’s taken less than 24 hours for Real Madrid to become the laughingstock of the Spanish third division. Since they started an ineligible Denis Cheryshev against Cadiz in the Copa del Rey, prompting an investigation that could have them expelled from the tournament despite winning the match 3-1, everyone from Gerard Pique to, well, us has had a laugh at their expense. And now Merida AD have produced a video to mock them, as well.
Everything was going so well in Real Madrid’s Copa del Rey round of 32 first-leg match against third division Cadiz. Denis Cheryshev scored in just the third minute to give them a fast lead and Rafa Benitez had to feel he was on his way to proving his doubters wrong and holding onto his job at least until the end of the calendar year.
But then word started to filter through social media that Cheryshev shouldn’t have been eligible to play due to yellow card accumulation in the tournament last season with Villarreal.
Sky Sports pundit and assistant manager of the England national team Gary Neville has accepted the position of Valencia manager, an unexpected move that suddenly puts him in an official position of power over younger brother Phil, who joined the Spanish club as an assistant last summer. It is immediately clear that Gary’s primary reason for taking this job is so he can tell Phil what to do.
The Ballon d’or nominees have been announced and, as usual, everyone has opinions on them. Even the nominees themselves. Neymar thinks Cristiano Ronaldo should have been left out and Luis Suarez should have been included, Cristiano thinks Lionel Messi will win, and Messi probably thinks they should all skip the Ballon d’Or gala and go to Legoland instead.
None of these men deserve the award, though. So, without further ado, let’s get to pointing out the failings of these magnificent athletes.
“This is my ‘modeling jeans in an LL Bean catalog’ pose. Hi, I’m LA’s Steven Gerrard. You may remember me from such Liverpool moments as The Miracle of Istanbul and The Slip That Will Haunt Me Forever.”
Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Marco Reus are teammates, in-match Batman and Robin cosplayers, and ultimate BFFs. They even have a synchronized warm-up routine that might qualify as the best ballet I’ve ever seen.
If that didn’t completely melt you heart, here are a few more things that will finish the job…
Cesc Fabregas’s excellent start to the season continues. pic.twitter.com/hdWHZHzO1p
— Onefootball (@Onefootball) November 29, 2015
Cesc Fabregas’ first few months with Chelsea last season were quite good. Ever since then, he has gotten progressively worse to the point where it’s amazing he hasn’t tried to eat the ball and required the Heimlich maneuver from Kurt Zouma.
Speaking of eating the ball, he tried to force feed it to Willian at a thousand miles per hour during Chelsea’s 0-0 draw with Spurs…
Jose Mourinho and the shell of the footballer known as Diego Costa reportedly got into a verbal altercation at halftime of Chelsea’s 4-0 win against Maccabi Tel Aviv in the middle of the week, but Mourinho claimed after the match that the two made up with “kisses and cuddles.” Which can only be code for fighting each other until their bodies could no longer function due to blood loss.
The stage was set for Jamie Vardy to make history in style. After scoring in 10 consecutive Premier League games, matching Ruud van Nistelrooy’s record, Vardy’s first-place Leicester City (which is a true fact in real life) happened to go up against Van Nistelrooy’s old club, second-place Man United.