Tag: Landon Donovan

Eight ways Swansea City can achieve Landon Donovan’s dream of becoming “America’s club”

The ultimate goal every Welsh club should have

Landon Donovan sitting with Swansea City’s other American supporters (SwanseaCity.net)

Landon Donovan has taken an “advisory role” with Swansea City as they are now under American ownership and he has a clear vision for the Welsh side: Become America’s team.

He explained his hope for the club in an interview with their official website:

“I think a lot of clubs are trying to reach out into the American market, or the Chinese market, the Indian market or the South American market,” Donovan says.

“And I think Swansea City are certainly becoming more known in America.

“We have an advantage if we do things right because we have people involved who are American and people who genuinely care about the club.

“I think the Swansea name will get bigger and bigger in America and elsewhere.

“I think most likely every pre-season should be in America. That makes sense for a lot of reasons. You have to keep building the profile and promoting it.

“Eventually the hope is that this becomes America’s club one day.”

It will obviously take more than just a few preseason trips to the United States for Swansea to become America’s club. Here are some ideas to put them over the top:

  • Hire an American manager—Er, actually, maybe skip this one.
  • Change the club’s nickname from The Swans to “The Baconator Freedom Eagles”—Think of the T-shirt designs this would lead to! Every Walmart in the U.S. would sell out of them immediately.
  • Move the club to St. Louis—America’s club…in Wales? Come on. They’re already outside of England, so why not move a little further away and set up shop in America’s heartland to prove their commitment to the fans?
  • Refuse to be relegated—Swansea are currently in the Premier League’s relegation zone and are in serious danger of going down. But America doesn’t have promotion and relegation, so this isn’t gonna fly. If they do finish in the bottom three, Swansea must refuse relegation on the grounds of adhering to their American principles. Leave that stuff to a club aiming to be Croatia’s team like Burnley or Hull City.
  • Sign a star player from MLS—Want to get America’s attention? Then you need to make a statement signing. Someone like Chicago Fire legend Bastian Schweinsteiger or New York City FC icon Andrea Pirlo. The only way to truly capture American fans is to sign one of their own to a massive contract.
  • Do Moneyball—I’m not entirely sure what this means, but I saw the movie with Brad Pitt and the guy from Superbad and both of their characters were a lot smarter than everyone else in the film, so it must be a pretty good thing to do.
  • Raise the ticket prices for locals and let Americans in free—The move to St. Louis will take some time, so while that’s being arranged, Swansea will have to entice American fans to come watch them at Liberty Stadium (this is a good name for a stadium, but “Statue of Liberty Stadium” would be better). Free tickets for anyone who can prove they are American is a great way to do that. And to ensure there’s space for them, they should make locals pay five times whatever they’re paying now. You have to prioritize.
  • Start playing in Liga MX—If you want to be popular in America, you should play in the league that gets the highest TV ratings in the U.S. The travel would be difficult, but, hey, becoming America’s club is very important for 18th-place Swansea.

Landon Donovan jumps off a taco truck, nearly gets dropped on his head

U.S. national team rally almost ends in tragedy


With two losses in their first two matches of CONCACAF’s fifth round of World Cup qualifying and a new/old coach now at the helm, the U.S. desperately need a jump start ahead of their match against Honduras. And so, at a rally the night before the qualifier, Landon Donovan decided to offer a very literal jump start by nearly plunging to his death off a taco truck.

The U.S.’s all-time leading goalscorer jumped into the arms of adoring fans, who then dropped him into the ground. Here’s another angle:

Having confirmed that he is once again retired, I guess Donovan is less concerned about risking bodily harm. More importantly, this should clear up any doubts about the validity of Landon’s adventures of epic broportions.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Landon Donovan’s Unretirement of Epic Broportions

landybro

WHAT. IS. GOOD.

LD BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK UP IN THIS LA GALAXY THING AHHHHHHHH!!!

Apologies for that fuego landing, but your boy has been rum and stoked straight up since lunch at the prospect of making the most epic unretirement comeback in the history of American soccer this weekend at the Stub. Let’s fuggin’ talk about it.

Why L-Deezy? Why did you have to go all American Soccer Jesus on us? Because I felt like it. Plus changing Talon’s diapers is a really whack activity. I love being a dad but that dude’s butt is on some other stuff. But you should expect that when you name you prince after a rad-ass pterodactyl body part.

Anyway, when my man was born I insisted off the rip on a diet solely comprised of Gerber’s peaches and avocado toast — but some garbaggio doctor said that it wasn’t a good idea. Whatever — it actually isn’t my problem anymore, doc. Now all I do is go to training, boss up, get a few ill tocas in with the lads, then go home and we just post up and watch old Dave Matthews Band concert videos and play “dress the kid up like Bob Ley.” That’s the parenting sweet spot. Take notes, America. Thank you, Bruce Arena.

Number 26? Yeah, bro. Good old Deuce-Seis. One of the more visually chill two-digit numbers on the entire number line. Plus Talon was born on that day of the month. Word.

Position? I don’t really care. It means nothing to me. I learned in Cambodia that positions are just false jails that soccer players are put in. This, I believe, also applies to international rosters and non-rosters. (Side note: I bet watching my announcement video made Jurgen Klinsmann sprinkle his lederhosen.) So what if they moved one of the best central midfielders in the league to loft me back into the lion’s den? That’s what you do for a #LegenD. And it’s gonna be dope.

Personal Benefits? Potentially have two jersey numbers retired in the Galaxy Constellation of Champions at the Intergalactic Planetary and Space Museum. Potentially win a league MVP award named after myself. Probably get Stevie G to make funny faces at things because he’s a full English breakfast and was already afraid if I came back I’d be mowing his tea and crumpets on the team sheet.

Definitely gonna dap up my boy the Soccer Don again, tho. Oh and b-t-dubs: no take backs on those retirement gifts.

Previously: Landon Donovan’s Retirement Adventure of Epic Broportions 

Landon Donovan comes out of retirement after Steven Gerrard jokes about how thankful he is that Landon Donovan retired

Steven Gerrard recently did one of those videos where they put a footballer with a kid and let the adorableness of the interaction hypnotize you into wanting to buy his shirt. But after telling the child that Leicester “crap,” the kid brought up a now interesting topic: Landon Donovan’s retirement.

Read more

Landon Donovan joins Wambach in crusade against players who aren’t American enough (for them)

There have been two notable responses to Abby Wambach’s declaration of distaste for “foreign guys” playing for the U.S. men’s national team. One was an impassioned and thoughtful defense of such players by someone who falls into that category and the other was a seconding of Wambach’s opinion by a fellow retiree who seems to still be feeling personally aggrieved by the foreign guys she was talking about.

Read more