Tag: Leicester City

Jamie Vardy can’t stop beating himself up

Someone needs to protect Jamie Vardy from himself


Jamie Vardy came off the bench to score the second goal in England’s 2–0 win over Lithuania on Sunday, but that doesn’t mean he was entirely happy with his performance. At one point, he headbutted the ground—and this was after he had already scored.

This is far from the first time Vardy has physically punished himself during a match, though. As we discussed on the first episode of the Dirty Tackle podcast, Vardy punched himself in the face (repeatedly) after a miss in Leicester’s Champions League win over Sevilla.

He also did it during England’s match against Turkey last year.

And during Leicester match against Hull City…

And, perhaps most bizarrely, he smashed his FIFA 16 player card over his head during a press event.

This type of behavior shouldn’t be shocking from someone who drinks Skittle infused vodka, but the man needs to be required to wear a helmet and boxing gloves. He’s going to be the first athlete to retire from self-induced concussions.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

God: “Sacking Claudio Ranieri is a new low for humanity”

The almighty creator shocks the world by finally speaking out against mankind’s greatest crime

(Leicester City)

God, the supreme creator of all that exists, has stunned humankind by breaking His millennia-long press silence to speak out against Leicester City sacking title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri.

“Human beings have committed some truly heinous acts against each other,” boomed the all-powerful voice from the Heavens, exclusively to a select group of print journalists. “Murder, tyranny, acts of greed, and reality television! But sacking Claudio Ranieri, a true saint who performed an honest to Me miracle by winning the Premier League title with Leicester City—Leicester City!—last season is the worst I’ve seen and I see everything, even what you type into Google! Now I am forced to express my outrage in a way that mere thunderbolts and earthquakes cannot convey.”

God’s media silence over the last thousand years or so has left an increasing number of people to doubt His existence over that time, but now He reveals that He has just been busy creating, and subsequently watching, football, with a particular interest in Leicester City.

When the relegation fodder club hired Ranieri in 2015, pundits and supporters alike mocked the selection, as the aging Italian was widely viewed as being on the decline of his career. But then he overcame incredible odds to win the Premier League title in his first season. And though Leicester are once again battling relegation this season, they are still alive in the Champions League knockout stage, making the timing of the decision somewhat curious.

“Sacking Ranieri now, simply out of fear of a relegation that would suddenly wipe out massive revenue streams and potentially threaten the very existence of the club, proves that football has lost its soul. Which is inexcusable since I only gave souls to two sports: football and curling,” God added. “And so, as punishment, I will smite the earth by extending Joey Barton’s playing career by 10 years. Dilly-ding, dilly-REPENT!”

When asked for comment, Claudio Ranieri handed out free puppies and hugged everyone who looked like they needed one before disappearing into a double rainbow.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Leicester City advance in Champions League with more wins than they have in the Premier League

They’re Leicester City and they’ll win where they want

(Leicester City)

Leicester City shocked the world by winning the Premier League last season. So what did you think they would do this season? Win it again? That would be stupid and boring. And by currently sitting 16th in the Premier League—just two points above the drop zone—Leicester are making it crystal clear that they don’t give a shit about winning it again, either.

No, they’re leaving the piddly little Premier League to small-time clubs like Man United, Chelsea, and Liverpool. What Leicester City care about is the Champions League. And they’ve proven that by winning their group—one that also includes Porto, Copenhagen, and Club Brugge—with a match to spare and one more win (four) in five European matches than they have 12 Premier League matches this season (three).

Since this is Leicester’s first appearance in the Champions League, this is also the first time they’ve reached the tournament’s knockout stage—a feat it took Man City three consecutive tries to accomplish. With the Champions League on lock, Foxes manager Claudio Ranieri now has the difficult task of convincing his players to actually care about the uncultured backwater that is the Premier League so they can try and avoid relegation.

From Leicester’s official website:

“It is unbelievable, to be top of the group,” said Ranieri. “I am very happy and very proud. I am happy for my players, for my chairman, for the fans — for everybody.

“We have another journey now through the knockout. Unbelievable. It is very important to be top of the group but our minds must now go on the Premier League because I want to push my players to think about the Premier League.

“Now our job is done. We won the group. I don’t know which team we will play but it will be a fantastic team.

“But now we have to go back. In the Premier League we are very close to the relegation and we must play at the same level as the Champions League because when we want to do something we achieve something.

“We must concentrate on the Premier League now.”

“Must” is a strong word. I’d go with “might as well.” As in, “This Champions League business is easy peasy, so we might as well embarrass everyone back home again, too.” What I’m trying to say is that, at this rate, Leicester will win the 2018 World Cup. While playing in League One.


Claudio Ranieri has framed pictures of every Premier League manager in his office for some reason

In Claudio Ranieri’s office and he’s got pics of all the PL managers. First one off the wall?

A photo posted by Gary Lineker (@garylineker) on

It takes a unique manager to pull off a Premier League title with Leicester City and Claudio Ranieri — with his pizza rewards and made-up words — is certainly that. So it should come as no surprise that the decor in his office is unusual to say the least.

Thanks to Gary Lineker’s Instagram, we now know that Ranieri has framed pictures of every Premier League manager in his office. This is weird. Of course, Jose Mourinho has pictures of Arsene Wenger and Rafa Benitez in his office, but those are on dartboards. These are nicely hung artistic black and white photographs. They convey a respect for his colleagues that they would likely find unnerving.

It makes you wonder if he uses them for some sort of pre-match voodoo ritual or if he sends pictures of him with the photos to his next opponent in order to get in their head and make them think he’s some sort of stalker. Whatever the case, it’s gotten me thinking and my picture isn’t even on his wall.

Zlatan lookalike invades pitch, accosts the real Zlatan

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has apparently become so powerful that he is multiplying. One member of his secret army of clones escaped the containment facility and invaded the pitch during Man United’s match against Leicester in an attempt to unite with Original Zlatan and form a unified Mega Zlatan. Though stewards thwarted his efforts, Original Zlatan was amused by the sight of the man, but clearly wanted him to get lost so as not to ruin their plan for world domination.

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Gary Lineker lives up to his tweet, presents Match of the Day in his underwear

In December of last year, former Leicester striker and current Match of the Day present Gary Lineker made what seemed like a harmless joke about the likelihood of his old club holding onto first place in the Premier League over the final five months of the season.

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