Now that Lionel Messi is back from his international non-retirement and all is right with the world, Maradona would like to get back to questioning his character.
Tag: Lionel Messi
Blond Messi wins first trophy
Proving that his terrible hair choices have not impacted his ability on the pitch, Blond Messi helped Barcelona win the Spanish Super Cup over Sevilla on a 5-0 aggregate score.
Everything Lionel Messi missed during his international retirement
Forty six days after announcing his international retirement in the immediate aftermath of missing a penalty in Argentina’s shootout loss to Chile in the Copa American Centenario final, he has triumphantly declared his return, having missed exactly zero international matches.
Fabio Borini is apparently Leo Messi’s style idol
So who do you think looks better?! @TeamMessi Do you think he tried to copy me?! 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/EjHoNDYRRz
— Fabio Borini (@borinifabio29) July 24, 2016
Leo Messi has added platinum blond hair to his unlucky beard, making him look like someone completely different. Namely, Fabio Borini.
The Sunderland striker, who has also gone for platinum hair and a human color beard this summer, is wondering if Messi was inspired by him and it’s easy to see why he might think that. Aside from the fact that Messi probably doesn’t even know who Fabio Borini is, of course.
Cristiano Ronaldo writes a letter to Lionel Messi for no particular reason
Dear Leo,
First, I hope this letter reaches you. I didn’t know if I should send it to your house or the prison in Barcelona, so I’ve sent copies to both just to be sure.
Barcelona launch misguided call to support Leo Messi’s tax fraud
Barcelona have launched a bizarre campaign to rally fans into showing support for Lionel Messi because he’s being held accountable for being guilty of tax fraud.
Messi and his father were each given a suspended sentence of 21 months in jail (meaning they won’t have to serve it) and fined a total of €3.5 million for evading millions in taxes. But apparently Barcelona feel that Messi should be above the law.
Lionel Messi sentenced to 21 months in prison or two more cup finals with Gonzalo Higuain as a teammate
The Court of Catalonia has sentenced Lionel Messi to 21 months in prison or playing two more major cup finals with Gonzalo Higuain as a teammate. Messi and his father, who was sentenced to 21 months in prison or going three consecutive hours without telling anyone that he is Lionel Messi’s father, were found guilty of not paying taxes on the Barcelona star’s image rights, owing €4 million to the government.
In Spain, prison sentences of less than two years are usually suspended for first-time offenders like the Messis, but Lionel told the court he would “rather spend 21 years in prison” than endure even one more cup final with Higuain there to ruin everything. Messi recently retired from international football after losing a third cup final in as many years with Argentina, thanks in part to Higuain fluffing a golden scoring opportunity, also for the third final in a row. Messi went on to miss Argentina’s first penalty in the Copa America Centenario final’s decisive shootout against Chile, as he was surely preoccupied by thoughts of murdering Higuain with a waffle iron.
When asked for comment, Diego Maradona said, “I owed the Italian government €30 million in back taxes and I didn’t need my daddy to help me do it, either. So Messi has a long way to go before he can be considered as good as me on or off the pitch. He just doesn’t have the personality to be a leader in tax evasion.”
What Cristiano Ronaldo wanted to say about Lionel Messi’s international retirement
As he prepares for Portugal’s Euro 2016 semifinal, Cristiano Ronaldo has been successfully pestered into commenting on Lionel Messi’s recent international retirement. The following is what he actually said, along with the bits that he didn’t say, but totally wanted to.
“[Messi’s] taken a tough decision and people must understand it.”
“It would also be great if they encouraged him to retire from club football, as well. You know, because playing any sort of football might remind him of playing for Argentina and make him feel bad. And no one wants that.”
“He isn’t used to defeats or disappointments; not even finishing second.”
“Maybe if he finished second with Barcelona a little more often, doing so three times in a row with Argentina wouldn’t have been so devastating for him. Basically, everyone in Argentina should blame Barcelona for this. It’s all their fault.”
“Missing a penalty doesn’t make you a bad player.”
“But if you do it in the shootout of a major tournament final, you should be forced to hand over all your Ballon d’Or awards to the runner-up the years you won. And that happens to be me. I’ll even pay the postage because I feel so bad for him.”
“It’s not nice seeing Messi in tears and I hope he returns to the national side.”
“…just so my boy Higuain can stomp on his dreams a fourth time. Hahahahahahaha this is better than Christmas!”
Pep Guardiola mercifully shuts down Messi transfer talk at his Man City unveiling
Pep Guardiola’s response when asked “Are you going to buy Messi?” #mcfc pic.twitter.com/PbP3Xaojwg
— Liam Blackburn (@liamblackburn) July 3, 2016
Pep Guardiola was introduced to Man City fans for the first time on Sunday and it didn’t take long for one of them to shout at him about signing Lionel Messi.
Argentina finally shows Leo Messi some love, begs him not to quit national team
If Lionel Messi thought the best way to avoid further abuse from the country of his birth in perhaps the most painful moment of his professional career was to immediately retire from international football, he was right.