I am Pele, the greatest footballer of all time and the source material for all official Pele hair diamonds.
Everyone is talking about Cristiano Ronaldo reaching 500 goals for his career. To him, I say the same thing I told my nephew when he turned 10 years old: “Congratulations, but who cares? I scored 1,283 goals. I am Pele.” This is like the whole world celebrating someone who runs a seven-minute mile when the record is three minutes and 43 seconds. It’s not a big deal. Trust me. I’m Pele.
Neymar, previously thought to be little more than a life support system for his talented hair, arrived for Barcelona’s match against Las Palmas bald. The shock of seeing him without his famous hair tore Lionel Messi’s MCL in the 10th minute of the game. He will be out seven to eight weeks.
Neymar’s hair disappearance has already proven disastrous as he missed a penalty in the 66th minute of Barca’s 2-0 win.
This comes just five days after Neymar was unveiled as a new spokesman for Gillette. It’s unclear if he was paid to go bald, but if he was he must now realize that no amount of money is worth living this type of nightmare.
Barcelona conceded four goals in the second consecutive match to lose the first leg of the Spanish Super Cup 4-0 to Athletic Bilbao. This result will all but seal Lionel Messi’s long-rumored transfer demand for a move to Chelsea and get Luis Enrique sacked as his trophy run looks set to end at paltry four in a row.
Real Madrid defender Pepe has made the sensational claim that Barcelona star Lionel Messi broke into his house in the dead of night and brutally attacked him.
This comes after Messi stunned the world by headbutting and grabbing the neck of Roma defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa in an uncharacteristic show of anger during a preseason friendly.
Losing the World Cup final and Copa America final by narrow margins in consecutive years will take its toll on anyone, and Lionel Messi is no different. So in a friendly between Barcelona and Roma, Messi snapped and took his pent-up aggression out on defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa.
Lionel Messi has been absent from Barcelona’s preseason tour of the U.S. after a disappointing run in Copa America, but he isn’t just sitting around playing building Lego pirate ships all day. He’s still training and he’s found a partner to do it with him — his son Thiago.
What would today’s footballers look like if they played in past eras? The excellent Paladar Negro answers that question for a slow offseason day with some wonderful trading card style photoshoppery. The mustachioed Messi is the best of the bunch, followed closely by a disgruntled Cristiano…
With Chile and Argentina scoreless in the Copa America final, Gonzalo Higuain, a man who will never be confused with King Midas, replaced Kun Aguero in the 74th minute. Carlos Tevez, meanwhile, remained on the bench. This proved to be a huge, huge mistake.
In the first half of Chile and Argentina’s frenetic Copa America final, Gary Medel kicked Lionel Messi in the stomach. The surprise here was not that Gary Medel would do this, but that he was only shown a yellow card for it.
Argentina beat Paraguay 6-1 in the Copa America semifinals. Lionel Messi did not score any of those goals, but he still won man of the match with a hat trick of assists and a jumble of Paraguayan body parts left in his wake (see above).
Some Messi-lights….
