It’s very easy to make up believable Zlatan Ibrahimovic quotes. The ghostwriter of his book did it. I do it. And media outlets desperate for pageviews are all too eager to do little or no investigation into their veracity.
Tag: Manchester United
Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Jose Mourinho warn Pep Guardiola of the impending storm
Hello, Pep. I am Zlatan. Welcome to your worst Zlightmare.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic decrees Manchester United move, whether they want him or not
Time to let the world know. My next destination is @ManUtd pic.twitter.com/DAK7iYlrCq
— Zlatan Ibrahimović (@Ibra_official) June 30, 2016
Following prolonged speculation, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has announced on his social media accounts that he’s joining Manchester United. As thoroughly unsurprising as this declaration was, it oddly was not accompanied by an official announcement from the club. As of this writing, it’s been 13 hours since Zlatan definitively stated that he’s joining Man United and the club hasn’t so much as retweeted his message.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic to retire from international football, focus solely on Guardiola revenge
Zlatan Ibrahimovic has announced that he will retire from international football when Sweden’s Euro 2016 campaign ends, which means he will not play in the Rio Olympics despite being named to Sweden’s squad for that competition.
Jose Mourinho makes awkward first visit to Man United’s training complex
Mourinho is here! Watch our new boss arrive at the Aon Training Complex… #WelcomeJose https://t.co/qmBsWqat0u
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 30, 2016
With his contract signed, image rights squared away, and new Instagram account pumping out content, Jose Mourinho was all set to check out Manchester United’s Carrington training complex on Monday.
Jose Mourinho leaves his house
Jose Mourinho has left his house. He could be going to sign his Manchester United contract. Or to buy a gift for Louis van Gaal, his dear friend whose job he specifically campaigned for over the last six consecutive months. Is he thinking about which players he will sign? He’s probably contemplating which players he’ll sell. Or maybe he’s thinking about the players he will buy and then sell!
The coordinated character assassination of Louis van Gaal
Manchester United won their first trophy since the 2013 retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson on Saturday, edging out Crystal Palace 2-1 in extra time with 10-men to lift the FA Cup. It had been 12 years since Man United last won the FA Cup. Wayne Rooney, a player who has seemingly won everything there is to win with the club, had never won this trophy until now.
This joyous occasion created a bit of a problem, though. Round 9,377 of “Jose Mourinho to Man United confirmed!” reports was already winding its way through the media like the latest updates from the boy who cried wolf as Louis van Gaal was proudly showed off his fourth domestic cup in as many countries. Though Mourinho replacing Van Gaal, who still has a year left on his contract, has seemed like a foregone conclusion for months, the image of Van Gaal celebrating like it was his birthday party while everyone treated it like his funeral is one that Man United and/or Mourinho’s representatives likely didn’t appreciate.
Appearances aside, the FA Cup did little to sweeten an otherwise grueling season in which Man United finished outside of Champions League qualification and with their lowest number of goals scored in the Premier League era (49). But some people care about appearances. And those people apparently felt that something had to be done.
The cringe-filled lowlights of the 2016 FA Cup final
The 2016 FA Cup final was always going to be a strange one. Crystal Palace, led by Alan Pardew and his outsized self-regard against Man United, led by dead man walking Louis van Gaal (while Jose Mourinho redecorates his office back in Manchester). But the oddities began well before kickoff.
A timeline of oddities: Man United’s final match of the 2015/16 Premier League season
Man United paint child mascots blue for film promotion
Proving that there is absolutely no sponsorship opportunity Man United will turn down, the club with an official ready meal partner for Korea is now painting children blue to promote films.