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Tag: Pep Guardiola
Pep Guardiola is apparently surprised Man City haven’t sacked him yet
Guardiola says some things that should’ve been left unsaid
(Man City)
It’s been a disappointing first season in the Premier League for Pep Guardiola. No title challenge, no trophies—the goalkeeper he brought in, Claudio Bravo, was a shambles before getting hurt. And now Guardiola is making things worse with his mouth.
From ESPN FC:
“Pressure I had when I arrived in Barcelona, when I had nothing to defend [myself with]. At that club, if in six months you don’t win, you are really out, like Barcelona or Bayern Munich, there you have to win by far. If not, they don’t give you a second chance.
“Here they gave me a second chance and we will try to do it. In my situation at a big club, I’m sacked, I’m out, sure, definitely. At the clubs I worked at before I am not here, but here we have a second chance and we will try to do it better than this season.”
Whoa whoa whoa. Is Pep drunk? Has this lack of success caused him to go insane? No part of this statement should’ve been said out loud in front of reporters. “In my situation at a big club, I’m sacked, I’m out, sure, definitely” — really, Pep? Your word selection has gotten just as bad as your team selection.
The only possible explanation for these comments is that he’s trying to subtly point out that Jose Mourinho has done worse with more and should be sacked, too. That or he’s drunk.
Pep explains why he is late for his press conference: “Sorry I am late, but Tony Pulis is Tony Pulis and red wine is red wine.
OK, he’s definitely drinking before press conferences. Case closed.
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Man City are making all their players dress like Pep Guardiola
Tactical turtlenecks for everyone!
Pep Guardiola has a distinctive fashion sense. It’s that of a spy performing smooth jazz at a ski resort. He’s fond of the suit and turtleneck combo (Exhibits A through 100). And now Man City have everyone at the club doing it.
For the trip to Monaco ahead of their Champions League round of 16 second-leg match, all the players and staff looked like they were cosplaying as Guardiola as some kind of gag, but this is what they were required to wear.
Next up: All players and staff will be required to shave their heads and maintain stylish beard stubble on match days.
Pep Guardiola and Man City have come unhinged
Guardiola seems to be heading down a familiar path of discontent
Man City beat Burnley 2–1 to start the new year, despite going down to 10 men in the 32nd minute with the score still 0–0. Fernandinho was the one sent off—his third red card in his last six appearances across all competitions—and City now lead the Premier League in red cards with four this season.
After the match, Guardiola was responsible for a supremely awkward interview.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ose7tP0gYhI
City’s indiscipline and Guardiola’s sulky demeanor coincide with an interesting quote from an interview with NBC (via ESPN FC):
“In the moment, I will feel — and I am a little bit in that process — I feel that the end of my career, I will be… [throws up his hands]. I will not be training in the 60 and 65 years old, so…. No, no, no, no.
“Manchester City is three years or maybe longer, but I am still approaching the end of my career, like a manager. I am pretty sure of it.”
It’s an unusual thing for an overwhelmingly successful 45-year-old manager to say, but we have to remember how Guardiola got here.
When Jose Mourinho arrived in Spain seven years ago, Guardiola was in the midst of a heavenly introduction to management. He dominated with a style of his own at a club he loved. It was perfect in every way. Once Mourinho arrived on the scene, Guardiola continued to win trophies, but there was an atmospheric shift. Bad vibes took hold and animosities permeated his idyllic life. This was when Guardiola first adopted the now familiar look of a man subsisting on a diet of spoiled milk.
In 2012, Guardiola walked away from the game and took a year-long sabbatical, living a quiet life with his family in New York. When he returned to work, it was to take charge of Bayern Munich—the best team in the world at the time. This began a three-year spell where he again enjoyed peaceful domination—drinking beers the size of his head at Oktoberfest celebrations and wrapping up Bundesliga titles halfway through the season.
Now he’s at Man City, where not only is Jose Mourinho his neighbor, but there are Jose Mourinhos in the press box and even the stands. Guardiola has gone so far as to take issue with what he views as the selective support of City fans, leading to an odd moment during the match against Burnley when he tried to rally the crowd at the Etihad and was largely ignored.
All of this is exponentially worse than what poisoned his will to continue at Barcelona, which leads to the question of whether another sabbatical, or perhaps something more permanent, is in his near future. Because for as talented as Guardiola is, his temperament is a bit fragile. And given his team’s disciplinary troubles, it seems to be rubbing off on them, too.
Meanwhile, as Mourinho gets to grips with Man United and now has them just three points behind City, he finds himself in the position of Jon Lovitz’s character in The Wedding Singer.
Chelsea comeback prompts Man City to come violently unhinged
Madness strikes in Manchester
Chelsea defender Gary Cahill proved to be Man City’s best finisher, helping the London side to a 3–1 comeback win that caused City to come unhinged as the match progressed.
Frustrated that calls weren’t going his way as the flubbed opportunities on goal piled up, the strain of not being able to stroll through the Premier League as he did the Bundesliga began to show in Pep Guardiola when he sarcastically applauded the ref like a loon in the second half.
Goals from Diego Costa, Willian, and Eden Hazard made up for Cahill’s own goal just before halftime and led City to adopt an “if you can’t beat ’em, injure ‘em” approach in the final minutes.
Sergio Aguero resumed his attempts to maim David Luiz and was shown a red card, as a result.
This prompted Chelsea’s Nathaniel Chalobah to show Aguero what happens when little guys try to act tough.
https://www.gettyimages.com/license/627361532
Meanwhile, Fernandinho was also sent off for throttling Cesc Fabregas in the ensuing scuffle.
https://www.gettyimages.com/license/627361688
In his post-match press conference, Guardiola claimed that Aguero’s flying knee kick on Luiz wasn’t intentional, but he did apologize for his team’s behavior.
For all the pre-season talk about Guardiola and Jose Mourinho in Manchester, Antonio Conte is not so quietly turning Chelsea into the most formidable side in the Premier League. Even with Gary Cahill scoring against his own team.
Pep Guardiola refutes Nasri’s sex restriction claims, says more sex equals better players
The Man City boss reveals his sex positivity
Earlier this week, Samir Nasri made the harshest claim of all against the man who loaned him out to Sevilla: that he restricts when his players are allowed to have sex. But now, Pep Guardiola has declared his belief that sex helps footballers perform at their highest level.
“It’s impossible to play good football if you don’t make sex with your partner,” Guardiola told journalists at his Friday press conference (I would like to have this quote on a mug, please).
Guardiola then added that he wouldn’t ban his players from having sex. “They have to do that. [The more they] do it, better players.”
Nasri didn’t say that Guardiola institutes a full ban, though. Just a curfew, which Guardiola didn’t address. So both men could be technically right.
With this now established, we must wait for David Moyes to confirm whether masturbating with your own tears as lubrication improves performance, too.
Samir Nasri claims that Pep Guardiola imposes a sex curfew on his players
Leo Messi is cited as a beneficiary of this strange rule
In the wake of revelations about Pep Guardiola’s pizza and WiFi bans, I stated that he was turning Man City into North Korea. But I don’t think even Kim Jong-un imposes a sex curfew on his people.
Before we get into the details of this matter, first we must consider the source. Samir Nasri was loaned out to Sevilla at the start of the season because Guardiola didn’t like his attitude or level of fitness. He claims that Guardiola literally kicked him in the butt. So with that in mind, here’s what else Nasri has to say (via the BBC):
He told French TV programme L’Équipe du Soir that Guardiola “wants his players to be slim and fit”.
Nasri added: “He banned a lot of things in the kitchen but the biggest anecdote is that he says before a day off, those who want to have (sexual) relations it’s before midnight. And that’s with a day off the next day. It’s because he wants you to have a good night’s sleep.”
Nasri, who signed for City in 2011, added: “He said he told that to Messi, who since then does not get muscle injuries.”
OK, there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, to be clear, this isn’t a sex ban, but a sex curfew…before days off. Secondly, if sex was causing Lionel Messi’s muscle injuries, I doubt the timing of it was as much of a problem as how he was doing it. Was he having sex on top of a bed of Ballon d’Or awards? Was he practicing a variation that involves running? I have no idea.
Third, this rule has surely created some dilemmas for Guardiola’s players over the years.
Pique: Want to go to the bedroom?
Shakira: But it’s 11:55 before your day off. Do we have time?
Pique: Plenty…
Pique thrusts at hyperspeed as his eyes are locked on a bedside clock that flips from 11:59 to 12:00.
Pique: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Shakira: YOUR HIPS…HAVE…LIED!!!
Pique collapses, out of breath and without release. The phone rings.
Pique: Hello?
Guardiola: It’s 12:01. There better not be any sex happening.
Pique: No, boss. There isn’t.
Guardiola: Good. I couldn’t tell from the cameras if you stopped or not. Next time leave the lights on.
Pique: Cameras?!? What cameras?
Guardiola: I AM PEP GUARDIOLA—SEEER OF ALL, KNOWER OF ALL. DO NOT QUESTION ME AGAIN.
Pique: Yes, boss.
Guardiola: Now I have to be sure Messi isn’t trying to have sex while wearing his rollerskate shoes again. Sweet dreams, Gerard.
Yaya Toure gives in, apologizes to Pep Guardiola for agent’s comments
Guardiola claims arguably his biggest win of the week
Three days after beating Barcelona in the Champions League, Pep Guardiola notched what might be an even more impressive victory by getting an apology from Yaya Toure for the one-sided verbal war Toure’s agent has been waging on Guardiola for months now.
Back in September, Guardiola vowed to hold Toure’s career hostage until he apologized for agent Dimitri Seluk’s barrage of insults and he’s done exactly that. Toure hasn’t played a minute for Manchester City since before that day.
https://whatahowler.com/pep-guardiola-is-wrong-about-yaya-toures-agent-adfe8e7ac3bf
At the time, Seluk remained defiant, telling Sky Sports “What do I need to apologise for? Guardiola wins a few games and thinks he is a king. I live in Europe so I can say whatever I like and Guardiola can’t stop me.”
Forty five days later, Toure has decided to comply with Guardiola’s demand by issuing an apology on his official website. It reads:
“I wish to apologise — on behalf of myself and those who represent me — to the management team and all those working at the club for the misunderstandings from the past.
“Those statements do not represent my views on the club or the people who work there. I have nothing but respect for Manchester City and only wish the best for the football club.
“I am immensely proud to have played a part in the club’s history and want to help City succeed further. I live to play football and entertain the fans.
“On that note, I would like to thank all of the fans for their messages through this difficult period. This means a great deal to me and my family.”
It seems likely that Toure did this against Seluk’s advice, but at 33 years old and not getting any younger, his desire to play probably exceeded his desire to stand up for free speech. And after that performance against Barca, who wouldn’t want to play for City right now?
At his Friday press conference, Guardiola seemed pleased with his latest victory. From ESPN FC:
“I have spoken with Yaya today,” the City boss said. “Of course, it was a private conversation. I know what happened, what he said, of course.
“It’s good news for Manchester City — that’s the most important thing — and for Yaya, whom I appreciate. I have known him from a long time ago.”
We can also confirm that Toure presented Guardiola with this apology cake on behalf of his agent:
It seems unlikely that Toure will be able to keep Seluk quiet for more than a few hours, so this likely isn’t the end of this saga. Of course, there’s also the possibility that Toure only apologized so he could get his revenge against Guardiola by sabotaging the team on the pitch, but we’ll just have to wait and see about that.
Pep Guardiola is turning Man City into North Korea
First Pep Guardiola took away his players’ pizza privileges, which was heartless but perhaps necessary. Now he has entered Kim Jong-un levels of tyranny, though, as Pablo Zabaleta reveals that Guardiola has disconnected the WiFi at Man City’s training base.
DT Exclusive: Brendan Rodgers’ attempt to become Pep Guardiola’s new best friend
Brendan Rodgers and Celtic broke Pep Guardiola’s perfect record at Man City with a 3-3 draw in the Champions League group stage. The following is a transcript of Rodgers’ conversation with Guardiola after the match.