Francesco Totti’s final season is off to a less than ideal start. Porto beat Roma 4-1 on aggregate in Champions League qualifying and Totti didn’t make it off the bench in either leg of the tie. During the final minutes of the second leg, with Roma down to nine men after red cards to Daniele De Rossi and Emerson in the first hour of play, Totti’s displeasure with his status as an unused substitute was evident as he stopped warming up and leaned on corner flag, staring daggers at the pitch.
The bottomless hole of sadness that is Iker Casillas continues to plumb new depths of pain and horror. Just four minutes into Porto’s match against Guimaraes, Iker tried to catch the ball after it ricocheted off an opponent and popped up into the air. He couldn’t hold it, though, allowing Bouba to score.
Iker Casillas and Porto entered the final day of Champions League group stage play at the top of Group G, thanks in part to a win over Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea back in September. This was a meaningful victory for Casillas, not only because it provided valuable points, but because it gave him a taste of revenge against the man who callously destroyed his idyllic existence at Real Madrid. This moment of satisfaction would prove fleeting, however, as Mourinho ended up losing the battle but winning his endless war on Iker’s happiness.
Hey Jose,
Long time no talk! How about that match, eh? Losing to your old club in the Champions League must feel awful. And the way this season has been going for you must really have you feeling almost as bad as you made me feel when we were together at Real Madrid, the club I had been with nearly my whole life until you made them think I was worthless and they eventually shipped me out to Porto.
Another week, another batch of new shirts. I’m starting to think they keep releasing them just so we can keep filling this space. Yes, that’s definitely it.
I hate to say I told you so, but I totally 100% told you so. Bayern came back from a shock 3-1 loss to Porto in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal to beat them 6-1 in the second leg (five Bayern goals scored before halftime). This was Pep Guardiola’s plan all along.
Before the match, worried Bayern supporters urged their team to “Never give up!” with a giant tifo at one end of the Allianz Arena, but an hour later their domination of Porto made that assertion look comical. It was so overwhelming that even Guardiola himself couldn’t watch the devastation he had wrought.
Two early goals from Ricardo Quaresma and a third from Jackson Martinez in the 65th minute gave Porto a shocking 3-1 home win against Bayern Munich in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal. On the surface, this is a dream start for Porto that gives them reason to believe that they can do something that few people thought they could: advance past Bayern to the semifinals. Instead, it’s probably just Bayern being incredibly mean.
Gianni Infantino has stopped talking long enough to do the Champions League quarterfinal draw and I must say I am disappointed. First, because UEFA only reduced my ban for that stupid red card against Chelsea to one game instead of wiping it completely and begging for my forgiveness. Second, because they said that my idea to open the draw by using a French referee as a human Zlacrifice to acknowledge that PSG are too good for France was “inappropriate.” And third because I must wait even longer to get my revenge on Pep Guardiola, who gets super lucky again.
Colombian international Jackson Martinez has scored 83 goals in 117 appearances across all competitions for Porto in his three seasons with the club, but he’s still finding incredible new ways to put the ball in the net. During Porto’s League Cup semifinal against Academica, Martinez scored one of his two goals with a backheel volley off a corner kick that might require him to pay royalties to Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
Incredible backheels are becoming Martinez’s thing, though. Here’s another great one from a couple years ago…
