Tag: Premier League

Tom Cleverley just wants a Roy Keane panic room for Christmas

Tom Cleverley looks over his shoulder during training. (Getty)
Tom Cleverley looks over his shoulder during training. (Getty)

According to The Sun, Aston Villa midfielder Tom Cleverley lived out everyone’s worst nightmare when an angry Roy Keane showed up at his house unannounced and rang the bell at his front gate for 15 minutes. Keane supposedly did this believing that Cleverley was the leak behind reports of dressing room unrest leading to Keane’s departure from Aston Villa as Paul Lambert’s assistant manager.

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Thierry Henry retires, compares Arsenal comebacks to decline in quality of Rocky movies

Thierry Henry, one of the greatest players of the Premier League era, has announced his retirement at the age of 37. Henry concluded a four-year stint with the New York Red Bulls in November and was rumored to be considering another comeback with Arsenal. But an announcement on his official Facebook page put an end to that speculation, as well as his illustrious career.

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Future News: Man City take every NYCFC player on loan in hopes of finding another Lampard

Manchester City have decided to take every player signed to MLS affiliate club New York City FC on loan for the remainder of the season just in case they are all able to contribute the way Frank Lampard has.

“Chelsea will be tough to beat this season and we need all the help we can get,” said Man City manager Manuel Pellegrini. “NYCFC have provided us with one of our best players so far in this campaign, so we are going to take the rest of them because clearly they have an eye for talent. I know David Villa quite well already from his time in Spain, of course. But Jeb Brovsky? Kwame Watson-Siriboe? We can only imagine they are just as good as Lampard. And at the very least they can’t be worse than Dedryck Boyata.”

The 36-year-old former Chelsea midfielder signed with newly formed NYCFC over the summer and was immediately loaned out to parent club Man City as the MLS side will not begin play until March 2015. Since then, Lampard has surpassed all expectation, scoring six goals across all competitions. Only Sergio Aguero currently has more for the reigning Premier League champions.

Lampard was supposed to return to the New York club in January, but now Man City are eager to keep him longer, along with the rest of his MLS teammates. But this arrangement might not be limited to just the players.

“If I can’t get world-class performances out of these players, then I might take a more limited role and let [NYCFC manager] Jason Kreis take charge for the last few months of the season,” Pellegrini added. “After all, Lampard didn’t play a single match under him before coming to us and yet he still managed to turn him into one of the best players in the Premier League this season. It’s incredible.”

When asked how NYCFC will be able to compete in their inaugural MLS season without any players, Pellegrini replied: “What’s MLS?”

QPR’s lip sync video will make you want to cancel Christmas

This video of QPR players and coaches lip-syncing to Slade’s “Merry Xmas Everybody” sums up the whole club rather neatly. There are so many clowns that they make Joey Barton look like the only one who is sane and self-aware…which is a chilling thought.

Be sure to stick it out for Harry Redknapp’s grand finale. It will ensure you have jowly night terrors instead of sugar plums dancing in your head.

Letters from Bojan: A taste of glory

(AP)
(AP)

The earnest question of whether Lionel Messi could do it on a cold, wet night in Stoke has persisted as a cliched joke for a few years now. So when Barcelona surprisingly sold Bojan, a 24-year-old once hyped as the next Messi, to Stoke City, the only explanation was that Messi personally asked him to go there on an expedition to see if the conditions in this mythical place are as challenging as the fables suggest. This is Bojan’s fourth letter back to his friend.

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Conspiracy Theory: Powerful Ball Boy Cabal determined to sabotage Chelsea

Everyone knows that the biggest villains in the game are the corrupt FIFA executives headed by scoundrel president Sepp Blatter. This is exactly what the ball boys want you to think. In truth, these evil, duplicitous children have been quietly pulling the strings from just behind the advertising hoardings for decades. The frail, confused old men they’ve propped up at the top of the sport’s governing body are nothing more than elderly puppets.

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has figured this out and has bravely attempted to reveal the ball boys’ iron-fisted control over everything that happens in football.

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