Apparently Daring to Zlatan means elbow opponents in the back of the head during preseason friendlies in Charlotte, North Carolina. Though, to be fair, John Terry didn’t seem bothered.
This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.
PSG beat second division side Auxerre 1-0 in the Coupe de France final to complete the country’s first ever domestic quadruple, having also won the Ligue 1 title, the Coupe de la Ligue, and the Trophee des Champions. Though Zlatan Ibrahimovic was prevented from scoring himself, leaving him three goals shy of Pauleta’s club record 109 career goals at the end of the season, he was still downright giddy over the achievement.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic returned from suspension to stand on the pitch and watch Barcelona dispatch PSG from the Champions League in tidy fashion. It was yet another indignity at the Camp Nou for the former Barca player, who also lost there in the group stage this season and was eliminated from the quarterfinals there on away goals two years ago.
A man in Salta, Argentina went to see a doctor after cutting his leg on a piece of glass. The problem here was that the doctor he went to see was busy watching PSG play Barcelona in the Champions league and really did not want to have his on the job Messi watching time disturbed.
During the first leg of PSG and Barcelona’s Champions League quarterfinal, Luis Suarez nutmegged David Luiz and went on to score twice in a span of 13 minutes. Twice he did this! Twice!
Though Barcelona went on to concede a late own goal in the 3-1 away win, Luiz’s greatest embarrassment since last summer’s World Cup, naturally was the focus of the night. After all, Suarez even appeared to literally spank his bottom at one point.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored a hat trick in PSG’s 3-1 win against Lorient last Friday and after the match, he asked the referee for the ball, as is customary. The ref bravely refused to hand it over, though, forcing Zlatan to ask him for it again in the tunnel.
Gianni Infantino has stopped talking long enough to do the Champions League quarterfinal draw and I must say I am disappointed. First, because UEFA only reduced my ban for that stupid red card against Chelsea to one game instead of wiping it completely and begging for my forgiveness. Second, because they said that my idea to open the draw by using a French referee as a human Zlacrifice to acknowledge that PSG are too good for France was “inappropriate.” And third because I must wait even longer to get my revenge on Pep Guardiola, who gets super lucky again.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic was furious after PSG’s 3-2 loss to Bordeaux, in which he scored both of his side’s goals. After walking off the pitch with his teammates, Zlatan shouted at a match official and said, “Played 15 years, never seen refereeing this shit country. Don’t even deserve PSG in this country.”
Two days after getting knocked out of the Champions League by PSG, Jose Mourinho faced the press with an eagerness to defend both his players and himself from the heavy criticism they have been receiving. One journalist who was a little too negative for Mourinho’s liking unwittingly prompted the Portuguese to demonstrate his skills as a life coach.
