Real Madrid recovered from the loss of Gareth Bale in the fifth minute (and Luka Modric later on) to beat Malaga 3-1 and provide a few of the season’s most aesthetically satisfying moments.
Tag: Real Madrid
Real Madrid treated Mario Mandzukic like a human pinata
The first leg of the Atletico Madrid-Real Madrid Champions League quarterfinal ended in a rather drab 0-0 draw, but this being a Madrid derby and a rematch of last season’s Champions League final, there was still blood. Mostly spurting from Mario Mandzukic’s face.
Always an instigator, Mandzukic was at the center of most of the night’s conflicts and ended up worse for wear after taking a Sergio Ramos elbow to the face.
The inner thoughts of Cristiano Ronaldo as he scored five goals in one match for the first time
Cristiano Ronaldo scored five goals in a single match for the first time in his career to help Real Madrid to a 9-1 win against Granada. His first three all came within a span of just eight minutes and from there it only got better.
These are the inner thoughts of Cristiano Ronaldo as he enjoyed his most prolific day…
Pep Guardiola is using Zidane to sabotage Real Madrid (probably)
Pep Guardiola has agreed to host a group of French coaches, including Real Madrid Castilla Zinedine Zidane, at Bayern Munich’s training complex this week. According to ESPN FC and AS, the French delegation (which also includes Claude Makelele and Willy Sagnol) are observing Guardoila’s training sessions this week in an effort to soak up the expert knowledge on offer as they work towards their UEFA Pro Level Three Licenses.
Given Guardiola’s lasting allegiance to Barcelona, it seems highly unlikely that he would actively try and help the man tipped to be Real Madrid’s next manager. So it stands to reason that this is all an elaborate ruse to feed Zidane (and fellow ex-Real Madrid player Makelele?) false information.
Some top tips that Guardiola is probably sharing with Zidane:
Real Madrid ban supporter for assaulting players’ cars after Clasico loss
Following Real Madrid’s 2-1 loss at Barcelona, a pair of the club’s more unrepentantly turdish supporters decided to wait for the players to retrieve their cars upon returning to Madrid and then abuse said cars as they departed. Clearly, these guys have very full and rewarding lives.
Barcelona’s pre-Clasico mosaic was rather beautiful
The impossible hype that consistently surrounds El Clasico should be enough to make the match itself a regular disappointment and yet it still lives up to the expectations almost every single time. A big part of this is the incomparable atmosphere. And Barcelona demonstrated this with their pre-match mosaic at the Camp Nou, accompanied by the 98,000 components of it singing their hearts out.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s expert analysis of the Champions League quarterfinal draw
Gianni Infantino has stopped talking long enough to do the Champions League quarterfinal draw and I must say I am disappointed. First, because UEFA only reduced my ban for that stupid red card against Chelsea to one game instead of wiping it completely and begging for my forgiveness. Second, because they said that my idea to open the draw by using a French referee as a human Zlacrifice to acknowledge that PSG are too good for France was “inappropriate.” And third because I must wait even longer to get my revenge on Pep Guardiola, who gets super lucky again.
Cristiano Ronaldo scored twice against Schalke, was still miserable at full time
Cristiano Ronaldo scored not one, but two equalizing goals in the second leg of Real Madrid’s Champions League tie against Schalke, making him the first Real Madrid player to score more than 40 goals across all competitions five seasons in a row. But even with all that, and Real Madrid advancing to the next round, Ronaldo still looked like he just watched Lionel Messi’s son draw a picture of The Rock kissing Irina Shayk on the side of the Cristiano Ronaldo museum at full time.
Gareth Bale can’t handle the spiders in Spain
Aside from the jeering fans and occasional dirty looks from Cristiano Ronaldo when he doesn’t pass the ball, Gareth Bale’s time with Real Madrid has gone swimmingly thus far. In fact, there are only two things that the Welshman says he fears in Spain: nutmegs and spiders.
Cristiano Ronaldo’s apology for being a person with feelings, too
Cristiano Ronaldo recently drew the ire of Real Madrid fans by brazenly celebrating his 30th birthday hours after the club lost 4-0 to Atletico Madrid. But Cristiano is sorry about this, as well as his poor run of form. The following is his apology to all of those he has offended.